The Goodbye Girl
by TheUptownGirl
Summary: COMPLETE! Last Chapter!
1. The First Cut Is The Deepest

"The Good-bye Girl" by David Gates  
  
"First Cut is the Deepest" by Sheryl Crow  
  
She always hated weddings. Growing up, she never played house like the other girls. Granted, she always did want to get married but it was never a definite priority. Maybe after Danny died, she grew even more cynical about this happy occasion. No, it was long before that. She knew it was when she became a part of SD-6 that she started to hate weddings. They were normal people, doing normal things. But most of all, they were completely honest with each other (or at least they were suppose to be honest with each other.) And she knew that she could never be completely honest with the guy that she was supposed to marry. But that would never be a definite reality.  
  
So, here she was. Two analysts, Brian Graham and Rose Collins were getting married. Sydney was invited, as were many agents from the agency but the thing that separated Sydney from everyone else was that she was alone. Even Weiss had managed to find a date. Now she was all alone, dressed in a beautiful black cocktail dress with thin straps and tight fit, holding a champagne flute full of the iridescent liquid and plumb red strawberries. She collapsed against the sage colored chairs and watched the couples dance, the women resting their heads against their partner's chest or gazing into their eyes. Self pity took over her and she sighed, wishing she had someone to dance with. She used to but that was all gone, gone with two years of her life. She was thirty. Thirty! She took a slow sip of the drink and realized how old she truly was. Thirty years old.  
  
But as she reflected, her eyes fell on a couple that she envied more than anyone else in the world. The blonde woman stood short next to her husband, her red dress swaying elegantly with each movement. Her husband's green eyes were lit up like candles as he gazed down into her hazel ones. Guilt and regret filled Sydney as she felt like she was watching something she shouldn't. She was starring and all those years of private school had taught her starring wasn't polite. But her eyes couldn't gravitate from the man that she once loved.  
  
"They look so happy, don't they, darling?" Lauren's voice whispered softly into Vaughn's ear as they danced slow and close.  
  
Vaughn smiled his lopsided grin and replied, "As happy as we did on our wedding day."  
  
Lauren laughed as she remembered thoughtfully, "That was a wonderful day."  
  
"Top on my list." Vaughn recited, completely aware how extremely lame he was sounding. The seriousness was broken when he started to laugh lightly and pulled his wife closer.  
  
"What?" She asked, feeling her body pressed up against his. "What's so funny?"  
  
"You're such a romantic. It's funny." He answered back and lapsed into the wonderful silence of the peace melody.  
  
Lauren straightened up slightly and felt the presence of stares focus on her. She quickly looked over her shoulder and were met with a pair of soft brown eyes.  
  
"Renny? Is that?" The owner of the eyes interrupted their peace.  
  
Lauren saw a man, about her age standing there with a tiny raven hair beauty dancing in his arms. His dark hair was combed to perfection and his black on black suit screamed attention to details. "Jonathan?" Her voice giggled and immediately broke away from her beloved and hugged the six foot three man as his date graciously stepped aside. Vaughn simply looked perplexed and waited for an introduction. She broke away from his embrace and faced her husband, "Jonathan Ross, this is my husband, Michael Vaughn. Michael, this is Jonathan, we cross trained at the Farm together." She watched with eager eyes as the men exchanged pleasantries.  
  
"Ah well this is my girlfriend, Amada Bank."  
  
"Pleasure to meet you." Amanda responded, extending her ivory gloved  
hand out to Lauren who took it immediately.  
  
"You too. I can't believe this! I didn't think I was going to see  
you forever!"  
  
"I know! I just got transferred. I was in Paris for a while and then Prague and-"  
  
"I'm just going to get something to drink." Amanda said suddenly, looking at her boyfriend with a slightly annoyed look. "I'll let you two talk." Her blonde curls whipped around as she looked towards Vaughn, "Care to join me?"  
  
With an anxious look to his wife, who was already engrossed in a conversation about yesteryear, Vaughn slowly backed out of the conversation that would surely bore him. Amanda took his arm and they started to talk lightly, quickly dodging dancing couples to the now livelier tune.  
  
"I don't think I could hear another 'Do you remember' story. I'm so sick of all of it; I could vomit." She scoffed and put up an annoyed façade. She had been to one too many occasions like this and quite frankly, she was sick of it.  
  
Vaughn couldn't help but laugh softly. It was true. Everyone at the wedding were ranking NSC members or CIA operatives, so they almost knew everyone one else. The first two hours of the wedding were filled with tight embraces and warm greetings.  
  
"That's why they serve alcohol. Make it easier on the spouses." Amanda continued, motioning to the bar but something quickly caught her eye. She stopped in her tracks and quickly murmured "Oh my G-d" beneath her breath.  
  
"Are you alright?" Vaughn asked, letting concern creep into his voice. Her eyes had gone wide and she started to smirk. He stepped back slightly to stand in front of her and was surprised by her face.  
  
"Oh I'm just fine." She replied sarcastically, looking away from whoever she was looking at and back to Vaughn, "But if you'll excuse me, I have to go tell a 'do you remember me story.' That man over there," she pointed to a tall bald man, "was my partner for clandestine training. Oh lord, he has no hair. Jesus! I hate doing this. Will you excuse me?" and with that, Amanda walked away, muttering beneath her breath the entire way. Obviously an unhappy human being.  
  
Vaughn laughed softly to himself as he watched her exaggerated and animated greetings. So here he was alone. Slowly he started to scan the room for someone to talk to. And that's when he spotted her. He had almost forgotten or wished he had forgotten how beautiful she was. He loved that black dress. She had bought it the brief time they were together. She was his Syd and he was her Vaughn. Never in his life had he ever been more relieved that someone stopped calling him by his last name. He was Sydney's Vaughn and the world's Michael.  
  
She sighed heavily and debated on whether or not to get another drink. Weiss had informed her earlier that she should start drinking harder liquor. 'Get drunk faster!' he proclaimed loudly, receiving a deadly look from both Sydney and his date, Isabel. So, here she was debating whether or not a gin and tonic would soothe her tattered soul. Her forehead creased as she gazed down into the bottom of the glass and studied it intently. She rubbed her lips together and felt the soft waxy formula smooth over her lips as the deep crimson lipstick spread. Her eyes drifted to her fingernails on the outside of the glass and found that the matching color polish had started to chip away.  
  
"Hi Syd." A male voice rocked her from her day dream.  
  
"Vaughn." She quickly managed to gasp, setting her glass down on the table, banishing all thoughts of him, lipstick and nail polish away. "How are you?"  
  
"I'm good. I'm good." He replied simply enough before settling down into a seat next to her. He watched her change her posture to something more professional and less revealing in her tight fitting dress.  
  
"Good." She answered, watching the way he moved so beautiful in the fine Italian suit that he wore. They both eased into an awkward silence and gazed off in different directions. But as much as they were in different places, their minds were in the same place.  
  
Say something to her idiot! She's just Sydney.  
  
G-d, what do I say to him now? It's just Vaughn.  
  
"Do you-"  
  
"I didn't-" They started at the same time and quickly stopped, blushing profusely.  
  
"Why don't you start?" Sydney spoke up rather shyly.  
  
"Do you want to dance?" He asked, feeling really stupid all of a sudden.  
  
"I don't think that's a good idea. Lauren might-"  
  
"Lauren's dancing with her ex-boyfriend, Jonathan." He watched her apprehensiveness. "It's okay, Sydney. It's me." He stood up and held his hand out to her.  
  
She just starred up at him with empty looking eyes, obviously torn between going against what she wanted and what she should do. It hurt her so much when she saw that gold ring on his hand for the first time and seeing his outstretched hand now, made that pain come back even more. She watched the gold shimmer in the dimmed lighting and she felt part of her die all over again. Her eyes met his and they were so reassuring. He had no idea how much this was agonizing her. She couldn't-she wouldn't become his mistress. But he would never put her in that type of a situation. But his hand was still extended towards her. Internally, she bite hard on the inside of her lip to prevent her from smiling as she went against everything that she shouldn't be doing and took his hand. The demons were shouting down the better angels in both of their brains. With enough caution to last them most of their live, they tentatively made their way to the dance floor just as a new song came on.  
  
Rather reverently, he placed her hand on his shoulder and placed his hand on the same of her back. Gradually, they began to sway to the music, Sydney completely lost in his green eyes.  
  
"This is the first time we've ever danced." She managed to say at last, swallowing hard and stepping an inch closer so that they weren't miles apart.  
  
Vaughn smiled, "Yeah, that's right." With a hesitating glance, he spotted his wife who was giggling and remembering old times with a much older friend. He suddenly found himself more relaxed even though he was doing exactly what he shouldn't have been. This was purely setting the stage for a massive fight later, he assured himself. But he was happy right here with Sydney in his arms.  
  
She inched closer and could almost feel his heartbeat against hers. She had been hurt so badly in her life and hated every moment of it. She was a simple girl and had only a few boyfriends and dates under her belt. She dated Nick Mayer her senior year but that only lasted about two months. But then it was Noah and then Danny and then Noah again and then Vaughn. But she had only 'been with' Noah, Danny, and of course, Vaughn. She had made her peace with all of them and said her good-byes. Except Vaughn. They never had any type of closure. Granted, Danny and Noah took two years to get closure with but she managed. But as she swallowed hard, she realized that Vaughn was different. He never gave her a pet name or had little things that annoyed her. And she never had closure.  
  
All your life you've waited for love to come and stay  
  
And now that I have found you, you must not slip away  
  
I know it´s hard believin' the words you've heard before  
  
But darlin' you must trust them just once more...  
  
'Cause baby  
  
He hated that she had suffered so much since she "rose from the dead." But at the same time, he didn't regret that he had moved on. He honestly did love Lauren and nothing, even Sydney being back, would ever change that. A piece of him would always belong to her, no matter what. But as he held her in his arms, smelling her sweet perfume of wild roses and honeysuckles, he realized that no matter what, they would always be there for each other. If not on an intimate level, there was a steady bond between the two of them that could never be broken. They spent almost two years stealing longing glances at each other and spending long nights thinking about each other.  
  
He wanted to clear his throat to clear the awkward air but knew that he couldn't. His body was almost frozen as he felt Sydney creep closer and he thought he was going to die as her forehead hovered along his jaw line. This was different than anything he had ever experienced in his lifetime. First off, girls were always considerably shorter than him as he stood about six feet tall and Sydney was about five foot nine (or was it five foot ten? it was hard to tell when she wore heels). Second, he very rarely danced with girls. There were many embarrassing moments that he had growing up with girls. Going to private, all boys schools was not good on his love life at all.  
  
He had always been somewhat clumsy growing up and never wonderful around the opposite sex. As for former girlfriends, there weren't many. There was Antoinette Rose, daughter of a French diplomat he had met in high school..she attended the sister school of Vaughn's private high school. They dated most of their junior year but broke up shortly after Vaughn and his mother relocated to the West coast. There was Nora at Georgetown and Alice after he transferred to the LA office. Marianna was after Nora but he wasn't allowed to be in love with her and after all, she played him (different story, different day). But then there was Sydney. And we all know how that ended. Here she was in his arms again, though..with his wife standing twenty feet away in the arms of another man. This was by far the most screwed up situation he had ever been in.  
  
Goodbye doesn't mean forever  
  
Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together again  
  
If you wake up and I'm not there, I won't be long away  
  
'Cause the things you do my Goodbye Girl  
  
Will bring me back to youOh how she missed how his arms felt around her! They did something to her that no drug or drink known to man could do. She was utterly intoxicated by his very presence. But as sweet as it felt to be in his arms again, it was that bittersweet. He wasn't hers anymore. "Rose makes a beautiful bride, doesn't she?" She spoke up, needing to clear her head from the swooning thoughts.  
  
He was clearly startled by her actually making conversation and did a poor job shielding this from showing on his face, "Uh-yeah. Yeah, she does."  
  
And cue the awkward silence that really, in all honesty, wasn't that awkward. The silence coated them and the rest of the world went hazy. Gone were all the troubles that they had faced in the real world and here they were, just as they were two years ago. She started to debate internally whether or not she should just go for it and rest her forehead against some part of his body. It would be so wrong but something felt so right. Sure, Lauren would probably try, key word try, to kill her but she could break that twiggy like blonde like a-well, twig. She felt her heart pound louder than ever in her chest as she leaned forward and rested her right temple against his clean shaven jaw line. Her eyes shut and she realized that she still loved him.  
  
But suddenly, something all changed.  
  
I know you've been taken, afraid to hurt again  
  
You fight the love you feel for me instead of givin' in  
  
But I can wait forever, a-helpin' you to see  
  
That I was meant for you and you for me...  
  
So remember  
  
He looked at her and caught something in her eye and titled his head softly towards her. She smiled softly and continued their little bit of a sway and had to refrain from laughing at how incredibly oblivious he was about the war going on inside her head.  
  
She loved him enough to let him go. They could still have this romantic interlude or whatever you wanted to call it but she loved him enough to stop lusting over him. 'Michael Vaughn is just a boy who was never good enough for you' her father's words came ringing through her mind. Yes, she loved him so much that it hurt her inside and there was nothing that was ever going to change it. She needed to let him go. But for now, she would just revel in the sense of his touch and as soon as the song ended, that would be that and they would move on with their lives. There would be another Michael Vaughn. Right? She moved so that she was dancing almost cheek to cheek to him. Lord, this was so wrong! But if this was being wrong, she never wanted to be right again.  
  
No. She needed to let him go. He was with Lauren now and he loved her. She could tell by the look in his eye and how he acted around her. He was in love with Lauren, not Sydney. She licked her lips and waited a few more moments until the song ended, almost wishing that it never would. At the end of this song, she would walk away and that would be that. Whatever relationship they had would be strictly professional and a friendship. FRIENDSHIP. She emphasized the point in her mind. Walking away this one time would probably be a difficult task for her to do, mentally but in the end, it would all work out. Lusting over him was not going to accomplish anything at all. She needed to get over him. And walking away would accomplish that.  
  
He swallowed hard as he felt the familiar sentiment flood his system. He was being torn apart inside. This was a bad idea. A completely and horribly bad idea. He shouldn't have asked her to dance and then he wouldn't have her in his arms and wouldn't be realizing how much he still loved her. He exhaled and tried to mask his emotions.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" She asked softly, her eyes closing as she settled against him again. It sounded very seductive but when you're dancing that close with someone you loved and love so much, you can't help asking.  
  
"Everything." He answered truthfully and pulled her tighter. His hand, that had rested in the middle of her back had drifted down to the elegant curve there and almost wrapped around her tiny waist. "What about you?"  
  
Goodbye doesn't mean forever  
  
Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together again  
  
Though we may be so far apart you still will have my heart  
  
So forget your past my Goodbye Girl  
  
'Cause now you're home at last  
  
Tears suddenly welled up in her closed eyes but as she went to reply, the music ended. She stepped away, breaking their connection and looked into his eyes, "I was thinking about how everything's gonna be okay now. I'm gonna go and grab something to eat. Bye, Vaughn." And with that, she turned on her heels, her head held higher than ever before. She still loved him and would always. She didn't want to turn around and see what he was doing, what his face looked like. But as her heels gently clicked along the wood floor, a new song came on. Completely appropriate.  
  
The first cut is the deepest  
  
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest  
  
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed  
  
When it come to loving me he's worst  
  
I still want you by my side  
  
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried  
  
And I'm sure going to give you a try  
  
And if you want I'll try to love again (tryyy)  
  
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know 


	2. Don't Cry For Me

Chatnoir: thank you so much for your review! Originally this was suppose to be an angsty one parter with a little bit of humor thrown in there.that line about snapping Lauren like a twig was thrown in there for good measure. In all honesty, I didn't think about my two Isabel's.Weiss's date. There is some back story there but we'll get to it in a little while. I got Vaughn and Syd's background from the ALIAS prequel books, so that wasn't my doing there but it works, doesn't it? Keep a close eye on Lauren with Jonathan now and just remember: I'm infamous for coming up with bizarre little twists and turns.  
  
Alias4ever: I know! I was so happy that Lauren did that though because now I have even more of a reason to absolutely hate her! How horrible is that for me to say? And the next episode, omg! Sydney and Vaughn def look like they kiss!! (Look for lots of S/V Romance in this fic too!!)  
  
kay10197: I'm glad you liked it! I hope to here from you again!  
  
total vaughn lover: I'm happy you like my piece! What stories have you written? I'll gladly review!!  
  
Now, onto Chapter 2: Don't Cry For Me  
  
It had been three weeks. Three weeks since the wedding that changed everything. Besides Rose and Brian being incredibly happy now that they were Mr. and Mrs. Graham, there was a list of others things that have changed; well at least Vaughn noticed them. There was something off with Lauren. She was more withdrawn lately and was constantly checking her e- mail. That was never like her. She always claimed that "e-mail is only good for working purposes" and only had access to her work account at work, which made sense. But she also started to work later and later. Some nights, she didn't come home until late and would barely say a word when she did. She was colder, more distant towards him. Something was wrong.  
  
He had suspected she had been unfaithful to him but quickly banished those thoughts from his mind. He was being stupid and petty. They had made it through Sydney being back and they would make it through Jonathan being back in the picture. Jonathan had been her first love and they were going to be married, they were engaged as a matter of fact. But due to circumstances beyond their control, the engagement was broken and they lost touch. It was just the way that life went. But now Jonathan was working in the LA office and they were working close together. Too close for Vaughn's liking. They had developed little inside jokes and he called her "Renny" which made Vaughn's blood run cold.  
  
Vaughn spent much of his time glaring at the 'other' man and would avoid conversations with him at all cost. "I hate him." He confided in Weiss after only three days of Jonathan being at the office. He took a slow sip of his gin and tonic, his new drink of choice.  
  
"Just like Lauren hates Sydney. It all works in the end." Weiss finished. "This is just the way things work for you-crazy and dysfunctional."  
  
"You know, just because you're dating that new girl from medical services and there have been no complications-yet-"  
  
"Be happy for me. She's hot as hell."  
  
"I repeat: that's only because she doesn't know what a slob you are..hasn't met your dog yet.hasn't seen you apartment yet. There are so many 'yets' to this, I don't even know where to start."  
  
Weiss simply smirked and replied, "You really are stressed about this whole Jonathan thing."  
  
"He calls her Renny. Where the hell did he pick that up from? Renny." He shuddered with disgust.  
  
"Sydney calls you 'Vaughn'." Weiss quickly countered, resting his forearm against the dark wood bar.  
  
"That makes sense. My last name is Vaughn."  
  
"Oh I get it! You're allowed to have a nickname with an ex-lover but Lauren isn't" his tone dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"Hey, whose side are you on?" Vaughn shouted and threw his hands up, almost upsetting his drink.  
  
"Hey, I'm all for you being married and whatever but keep in mind, you put yourself in this position." His brown eyes watched Vaughn roll his, "If you're this concerned about Lauren and Jonathan, why don't you just ask her?"  
  
"Remind me never to ask you for advice." Vaughn replied, reaching into his pocket and finding a couple of bills and throwing it on the counter. "I need to get home."  
  
"Let me know how things work out, okay man?" Weiss said, waving Vaughn off.  
  
Vaughn simply nodded a reply and staggered out of the bar. His head was a jumble of thoughts as he reached his black SUV. His hands reached for his keys and he slinked inside. Was he over reacting? Sure, it was like the same thing with him and Sydney. And he didn't have feelings anymore for Sydney. "But you're not sure about that." He countered himself aloud. So, it was entirely possible that Jonathan and Lauren had the same relationship that he and Sydney had.  
  
But he had been having dreams at night. The dreams that haunted him all day and whenever he saw either woman, it shook him to his very core. They were wonderful and horrible at the same time. He saw Sydney and was with Sydney in the same way that she was before she disappeared. And it was nice and sweet and comfortable. But in the end, she would stab him in the heart. Maybe it was a figurative meaning for him stabbing her in the heart-by moving on and marrying Lauren. But he didn't regret moving on with his life-until now. He was missing waking up next to someone more and more as Lauren was working later and rising earlier. They barely saw each other anymore and when he did, she would barely acknowledge his presence. Maybe he did make a mistake moving on. He should have held out longer in hopes for finding Sydney alive.  
  
He had been a coward and hidden behind the devil's drink. Fleeing to France for six months, he buried himself in getting drunk over and over again. If he were a real man, he would have fought to find her harder. Jack was imprisoned for trying to discover the truth about what happened. He was a coward.  
  
But now, he was just a stupid man. His head hit the steering wheel as he debated in his head the course he had traveled. Not knowing what was going on with Lauren was slowly killing him. 21 days. 21 days of not knowing and it was killing him all over again. But this time he could do something about it.  
  
His thoughts were consumed with the idea of Lauren cheating on him. He had never been a jealous man but he couldn't help thinking about it. She had accused him on cheating on her but now..would she use that anger to be unfaithful towards him? "What are you smiling about?" He asked one fateful morning, as he finished dressing and came over to her by the computer. He planted a kiss behind her ear and waited for a reply as he tried to read the message on the screen. The only words he picked up here, "I still do love you, my darling and I know you feel the same way." He felt his mouth go dry and his heart beat quicken, "What's this?"  
  
Her eyes grew wide and she quickly minimized the screen before turning around to face her husband, "Nothing. Work stuff." She smiled and nodded her head, trying to convince him that she was telling the truth. She cleared her throat and licked her chapping lips. "Darling, it's really no big deal. Calm down."  
  
He narrowed his eyes at her and leaned over her to make the e-mail screen appear again. His green eyes drifted towards the e-mail address and found it one he didn't recognize. "Who's this from?" He asked, trying to keep his tone as even as humanly possible.  
  
Her face went pale and she shut her eyes as she answered, "I told you, work" her tone was a little firmer as she tried to regain her mouse. Her eyes opened slowly and she looked as though she had just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She was obviously guilty of something.  
  
"But this is to our home account." He replied as he stood up and glared at his wife. "What's going on?"  
  
He didn't receive a response immediately from her and started to lose his phoenix temper. His palms started to sweat and his heartbeat quickened at a deadly pace. His chest started to heave with the angry breathe coming from his lungs. "Lauren, what the hell is going on? Answer me."  
  
She got to her feet and brushed past him, "There's nothing to know, Michael. It's nothing. You're being paranoid." She started to gather the rest of her stuff before leaving for work, as if nothing was wrong.  
  
"Why are you so secretive all of a sudden?" He counted just as accusingly. "You've been sneaking around this house like you're a teenager going out for the first time and now you're getting love notes on OUR e- mail account? What's going on, Lauren? I have a right to know." Suddenly he put two and two together.  
  
She whipped around and saw Vaughn sitting down at the computer desk. "What are you doing?" She shrieked and launched herself towards him but it was too late. He had already seen the last line of the e-mail.  
  
"Jonathan. You're getting e-mails from Jonathan.. your ex-boyfriend and former partner." He turned around in the chair and looked at her, "You better have a good explanation for this."  
  
"I don't need to explain everything to you." She answered briefly before turning around and trying to finish her routine.  
  
Vaughn jumped to his feet, blood pounding in his ears, "Are you cheating on me? With Jonathan? Lauren, G-d damn it! Answer me!" But she continued to walk away, grabbing her coat and her briefcase and headed out the door. "Don't you dare walk away from me!"  
  
"How dare you accuse me of having an affair?! I've only been faithful to you, Michael. I would never do such a thing." Tears started to rush towards her eyes, "Why is it you're allowed to have feelings for someone else but I'm not!" She stopped herself as she started to lose her breath.  
  
"You know that I don't have feelings for Sydney anymore!"  
  
"You do! I saw you at the wedding!" The tears now flowed freely over her face.  
  
"You were with Jonathan! You just admitted you have feelings for him!" He shouted, losing what little control he had left of his emotions. "Do you still love him?"  
  
"Don't be ridiculous! He's not my husband, you are."  
  
"That didn't answer my question. Do you still love him?"  
  
She picked up her briefcase that was resting near the doorway, feeling the cool brown leather in her hand. With her free hand, she wiped her eyes as she sniffled softly, "I need to get to work. I'm going to be late." Slowly, she turned on her heels and walked out of the door.  
  
"We're not done with this!" He shouted after her.  
  
She turned around before shutting the door, "I'll see you at the office."  
  
He watched the door slam and found himself without words. He couldn't believe that this had just happened and all of his fears had been confirmed. But as he slinked against the wall with his head in his hands, he wasn't a hundred percent sure that he was completely upset about it. He didn't know. He didn't know anything anymore.  
  
Well? What do you think? Next chapter we'll find out about a mission with Syd and Vaughn that could completely change everything. 


	3. It's Always The Same

Haley: Don't worry.there's gonna be a guy in Sydney's life that makes things really really difficult but don't count on Vaughn being overly jealous. He's still annoyed about Lauren and that situation is only gonna get worse!  
  
Alias4ever: how much did you love last nite's episode? I was really on the fence about it for most of it but when he was getting jealous about Sydney and Will and then when he kissed her! OMG! I loved Katya but I wish Sydney had a chance to meet her!!  
  
kay10197: Thank you!! I'm glad you like it so far! Hope this chapter is to your liking!!  
  
She woke pretty much the same everyday, today being no different. Her brown eyes would shoot open after a long night of tormented dreams of him - of them together they way they were. He was sweet in all ways you could think of and more. Sometimes barely uttering words and other times, saying all the right things. But these past three weeks, the dreams had grown worse and now they prevented her from a decent night's sleep. She had felt his touch after so long of not feeling it. She smelled his cologne and was intoxicated by him. Sydney was in love with Vaughn all over again, and hated every minute of it. She hated that he had such control over her. She was a fiery woman and hated that anyone had control over her, least of all Vaughn. His eyes captivated her and his voice made her freeze. A movement towards her could stop her heart from pounding all together. But when her dewy brown eyes shot open and her chest started to heave from lack of air, the tears came. Her eyes were flooded with tears and the first fifteen minutes of her waking time were spent with her in near hysterics.  
  
And that's how she woke up today. The clear tears were running fluid down her face and caused her to ache so badly as they stung her eyes and wet her cheeks. She couldn't help but understand why this was all happening. Her very core hurt with each breath and she almost wished something horrible on Lauren so that she and Vaughn could be together. Why was fate this cruel to her? Hadn't she suffered enough? Rolling onto her back, she reached behind her and grabbed her pillow from beneath her head and covered it with her face. It quieted her sobs but it only made things worse.  
  
In the darkness, she was surrounded by his image that haunted her. She saw his every feature and longed for his touch. It was in the darkness that she realized how much she loved him. And it was into the darkness that she realized she would never be his again.  
  
With sudden energy, she pulled the pillow off of her face, feeling the ambush of cold air on her face. As she threw the pillow aside, she ripped the white sheets off her body with the other hand. Her body bolted towards the small, frail bathroom and she collapsed over the toilet, unintentionally purging her body of herself. But as her stomach contents emptied, the sobs started to wrack her body again. She couldn't keep living like this. This was hell.  
  
"Sydney! Are you awake? I hope it's okay, I let myself in!" A familiar voice rang out into the apartment.  
  
Sydney's brown and red eyes grew wide as saucers and her tears almost stopped on a dime. She lunged towards the bathroom door and locked it firmly. Feeling somewhere beyond frantic, she staggered towards the plain white counter top and found a small bottle, filled with liquid tears. Two drops went into each eye and slowly she pulled herself to her feet. She hoped the redness would go away.  
  
"Sydney?" The voice rang again.  
  
"Be out in a minute!" She replied as cheerful as possible. She stood in front of her mirror and critically examined herself. She was getting skinny; lack of food would do that to you. Her hair was gray; stress and being overly emotional would do that to you. She was ugly.  
  
A stern knocking came at the door and he knew that she was there. They had started a routine too. "Syd, open the door. I know what you're doing. C'mon. I'll talk you down off of your ledge." Weiss' voice was smooth and understanding.  
  
"I'm fine." She replied through the locked door rather unconvincingly.  
  
"What was it this time?" He leaned against the door and waited.  
  
"I'm fine, Weiss. Really." She replied again, leaning against the vanity for support. Her eyes studied the white sink and she realized how depressing her apartment was. Everything was black and white. It was cold. She was cold.  
  
"Then you need to open up the door, Sydney. Besides," he paused, "I need to talk to you."  
  
"About what?" She asked suspiciously, raising her head and looked towards the door.  
  
"Open the door and I'll tell you." He relented.  
  
Wrinkling her brow slightly, she walked calmly over to the door and unlocked it dramatically. Slowly, she opened the door and saw Weiss standing there in a perfectly pressed business suit with a concerned look cascading over his face. "What?" She crossed her arms over her chest, covered in a plum tank top. Her legs were positioned lazily against the doorstop.  
  
"What are you doing, Sydney?"  
  
"I'm fine, Weiss." She snapped and jumped to her feet. She started to busily hustle around her tiny bedroom, trying to pick out an outfit to wear for the day. "Some mornings are tough to get going, you know? Real life hasn't settled in yet."  
  
"Sydney." He said softly, causing her to turn around and look him. "It's me. Stop pretending."  
  
She opened her mouth to protest but decided against it. The emotions were crashing over her and she couldn't stop it. She was just so numb. "I can't do this anymore. I can't."  
  
Weiss watched her crash with a pitied look. He walked over to her, filling the space between them and wrapped his arms around her. They collapsed down to the floor together and she just sobbed uncontrollably. The tears never seemed to stop but after a good ten minutes of solid tears, she managed to sniffle slightly and look at him, "I want everything to stop."  
  
He ran his fingers through her sleep worn hair, "I know. It's tough."  
  
She sniffled again and sat up a little bit, her lips slightly puckered, "I just hate this so much. I'm tired and emotional. I want to do so many things but I know I can't. I just don't know how I'm going to keep doing this everyday. I need something to change."  
  
"I know." He replied again, keeping his answers short and soft.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
Weiss smiled slightly, "Well missy, someone turned their phone and pager off last night."  
  
"No I didn't." she jumped up to her feet and checked the black phone and pager sitting on her dresser. "Yes, I did." She admitted softly, placing them back down almost silently and starring down at them. "That's not like me." She glanced around the apartment, well aware that Weiss's eyes were still on her. "I haven't been myself lately." Silently she started to berate herself for being so careless. Her mind started to sift through hours of alone time and she tried to remember when she turned off her electronics. She was being foolish and careless again.  
  
Weiss looked away from her as he rose to his feet. "Sydney, I hate to do this-" he sounded so remorseful.  
  
"Yeah, you need to talk to me about something?" She looked towards him, snapping her head in his direction and forced her eyes open. She pushed all other thoughts away and focused on Weiss.  
  
"Dixon needs to talk to about something. He's sending you on a mission with Vaughn."  
  
Sydney just starred at him and sat back down on her bed, "Give me five minutes?" Weiss nodded, getting up to his feet and came over towards her. His body, somewhat larger than hers, sunk down deeper into the cheap mattress. His arm reached up and wrapped around her. "Just five minutes." She started to whimper and buried her head in his chest. "Five minutes."  
  
She learned to make herself look attentive during these meetings. She focused on Dixon's words and ignored the glares from Lauren and the helpless looks she received from Vaughn. It was all in her mind. But there she sat, all the same. Her hands were neatly folded on the table, the docket in front of her. Vaughn's green eyes would bounce from Dixon, to Lauren, back to her and repeat all over again. But she ignored it all and she forced herself to make it look like she was paying attention.  
  
"So, Sydney, I'm sending you and Vaughn to the port of Odessa in the Ukraine. It's going to take some time. I want you both to be prepared to stay there for up to two to three weeks. Lauren, I want you to start working with the new liaison to Langley, Jonathan Ross. He's new here and said that you two know each other. I want you to go over the research we've picked up on our informant, Gerald Lio. Any questions?" Dixon paused for a moment and scanned the room, waiting for some sort of response or objections. When he received none, he added, "Alright. Run op-tech with Marshall. Your plane leaves in an hour. That's all." He leaned against his desk and watched all of the agents, his friends, rise and slowly file out of the room.  
  
"Michael, we need to talk." Lauren said softly as she started to gather her things.  
  
"We have nothing to talk about, Lauren. You better go and meet with Ross. He's going to need your help getting to know how things work." He snapped briskly.  
  
"Michael, wait." She answered firmly, reaching her hand out to stop him as he brushed past her.  
  
He turned around and got in her face, "Lauren, I really can't talk to you right now. In all honesty, I'm so furious by this situation that I can't even look at you right now. You accused me of still loving Sydney and then the moment your ex-boyfriend rolls into town, you're sleeping with him? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and run op-tech with Sydney." He turned on his heels and walked away from her, not caring at this point what her face looked like or what was going through her mind. He was mad and nothing was going to change that. He pushed past some agents and found his way to the Marshall's office. Silently, he filed in next to Sydney.  
  
"Hey." She greeted softly, not wanting to look him in the eye.  
  
"Hey." His attitude still barked.  
  
"Is everything okay?" She asked, not really wanting to know.  
  
"Fine. Everything is fine. Marshall, let's get this over with, shall we?" 


	4. All That Lies

Odessa wouldn't seem like such a bad place. Sure it was cold and he heard that the safe house was not the most livable one that the CIA had. But then again, it was the Ukraine, so how bad could it be? He fingered the heavy white paper and continued to read, actually reread he information. As soon as they landed, they would be whisked away to an ultra exclusive party. She was going to be Ava Davis and he was to be James Atler, a wealthy couple originally from the UK but were visiting old friends, another pair of undercover CIA agents, Madison Perkins and Robert Kilmer.  
  
Her brown eyes looked over the name again, "Robert Kilmer." And instantly, her mind began to race. No, it couldn't be the same one. It just couldn't be. Fate wouldn't be that cruel to her. Feeling somewhat panicked, she started to flip through the pages of her docket, trying to find the picture and background on the familiar name. Meanwhile, her heart was pounding so rapidly she felt as though it was going to splurge from her chest at any moment. "Do you have the file on Kilmer?"  
  
Vaughn looked up from his laptop, resting on the table in front of him. "It's not in your docket?"  
  
"Do you have the file on Kilmer? It's really important." She asked again, feeling the panic starting to rise in her throat. She started to pray that it wasn't the same Robert Kilmer from that mission almost what was it now? Six years ago? She cleared her throat uncomfortably as she watched Vaughn reach into his bag and reveal his black folder. Rather carelessly, he started to leaf through the documents and stopped when he came to a picture with a piece of paper paper-clipped to it. Without much thought, he handed it to Sydney and returned to his computer screen, staring at it intently.  
  
Sydney took the picture eagerly and felt her blood run cold as she saw who it was. It was the Robert Kilmer she was dreading it would be. There were his gray eyes staring back at her, those eyes that could stare into her soul. She had wished she had forgotten about him but alas, she could not. She didn't need to read over the fact sheet about him. She had memorized every part of him a long time ago and at this moment, wished she hadn't. She wished that they had never met and never become what they became. Life in intelligence was complicated enough. Why did they have to go and complicate it even more?  
  
But as the panic began to surge in her, a new wave crashed. What if he remembered her or worse yet, what if he didn't remember her? This entire mission was a conflict of interest and she didn't know if she could stand being in the horrible safe house in Odessa with Vaughn, first of all and then to be with him again? She pursed her lips together tightly as she looked down at the picture.  
  
"Have you ever met Kilmer?" Vaughn asked suddenly, after about a half of a minute of seriously debating it in his head. Something wasn't right when she saw his photo. She normally kept a blank look when looking at photos but this time, she looked as though she had just seen a ghost.  
  
In some respects, she just had. "I thought he went into witness protection a few years ago."  
  
Vaughn just gave her a weak smile and turned back to his work. He was so upset with himself right now that he really didn't want to talk about anything. He just wanted to sulk, basically. There was so much bad luck hanging over his head. Normally, he always kissed Lauren good-bye before a mission but now, he could barely look at her. She made him sick and he hated that because he really did love her. Despite what the world thought of him and his relationship with his wife, he was loved her. He just wasn't sure how much he was in love with her today. She had betrayed him on the most basic level. He hated that feeling and his stomach started to sink every moment.  
  
She just needed to have a conversation to get her mind off of Kilmer and the impending mission. "You all set for the mission?" she asked, not really wanting or caring about the answer she got.  
  
Vaughn barely looked up from his screen. His blood was pounding loudly in his head and he could only hear his only his heartbeat. He didn't hear Sydney calling name. He just kept reading the same e-mails over and over again. He felt something tap him on the shoulder and he jumped sky high.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine." He replied harsher than he really meant to.  
  
Skeptical on his behavior, she sat down beside and starred at the screen. "Whose computer did you bug?" She noticed immediately the cryptic messages and traditional headings from an e-mail account. Her brown eyes scanned down the page and saw "Love yours, Lauren." She had to keep herself in check or else she would say something she would regret. "Is everything okay, Vaughn?"  
  
Vaughn looked at the screen, rereading the same e-mail he had been reading for a long time. He had lost track of how long they've gone and how far they've climbed. His mind was basically blank and racing at all the same time. With a heavy heart and heavier tongue, he looked at her. He couldn't lie to her-he wouldn't lie to her. They had been through enough. "Nothing." But he did. He lied and hated himself for it anyway. He turned back to his screen and quickly exited out of it. "It's nothing of importance." He swallowed hard as he shut the screen and looked at her, almost waiting for her to call his bluff. "Are you okay? You look a little-"  
  
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." She relented, leaning back into the chair but her eyes remained on the laptop. "Are you sure everything's okay?"  
  
"Everything's fine, Syd. Nothing to be concerned about. I was just checking my e-mail." He lied, starring at the laptop too. It was like it was about to come alive at any moment and bite them.  
  
They fell into that awkward silence they had grown used to. Neither of them really knew what to say. "I'm gonna get dressed. We're landing in a little bit."  
  
"Okay." Vaughn replied coldly. 


	5. There's Always A Catch

"Okay, are you all set?"  
  
"This isn't that hard, Kilmer."  
  
"I know, I know. I just wanted to know-are you ready?"  
  
The blonde rolled her eyes and tucked her arm in his, "In all honesty, I've done much tougher things that escort some agent from a bar to home. It's really not that a tough thing." She smiled broadly. She shook his arm and tried to get him to loosen up. "Robbie, it's going to be okay. I promise."  
  
He mocked hurt and sincerity, puckering her mouth, "Promise?"  
  
"Promise." She squeezed in closer to him, keeping one arm tucked in with his and using the other to close her jacket closer to her body. The cold Ukrainian air was cutting through her filmsy white evening gown that flowed like the Marilyn Monroe white dress. Her blonde curly hair was flowing freely, only secured with a few glittery pins. Madison Perkins batted her eyelashes and she smiled up at Robert or Robbie Kilmer, who was looking quite dashing in a black on black three piece suit. She stood a proud five foot seven and every ounce of her was pure muscle. She wore glittering chandelier earrings that swayed every time she moved down the crowded streets with her boyfriend.  
  
"I'm not overly thrilled about living with another pair of agents. I mean, no one knows about the baby." He whispered, continuing on their trek towards the little bar they were intended to meet the new agents at. The soft brown hair blew slightly in the evening air. The bitter cold cut through him and he was glad that he had his Madison on his arm to keep him warm. He longed to back in their little run down safe house with their beautiful baby girl curled up by the fire. The cold air seemed to suck the air straight from his lungs.  
  
"No one needs to know Layla." She snapped quickly, feeling insanely defensive. Her maternal instincts were running high and the twenty months of hiding her daughter from the world was beginning to take its toll. Actually, twenty nine months. She had to hide her pregnancy from him for a while, then the agency, and then they had to hide the baby. It was just a mountain of lies that she was anxious about. It anyone found out about the beautiful baby girl, she would be taken away from them.  
  
He let out an aggravated groan that made an old couple turn around and take notice of them. He shot them a rather apologetic smile and waited for them to duck into a little restaurant before continuing. "But they are! These two agents, we don't even know who they are, they're going to come back to the house and they're going to see and meet Layla! It's pretty hard to hide a baby from two people that do what we do for a living, Maddie! And then they're going to go running back to Langley and boom! we're back pushing papers in DC!" He started to raise his voice slightly. He was getting red in the face and his heart was pounding loudly out of stress. "We can't go back to that, Maddie. We've come too far and done too much." He was against keeping the child from the moment Madison told him that she was pregnant. But the moment he held his baby girl in his arms, he couldn't let her go. She would have been safer if they had given her up but they just couldn't. Maybe it was selfish of them but it was too late for anything. She was theirs.  
  
"Kilmer." She replied in a warning tone. "You need to keep yourself together! We're not going to be able to pull this off if you fly off of the handle." Her controlled voice slipped back into her accent. Her tone sounded a bit like Lauren's accent but something about the raven haired beauty made it sound much more refined. "If we play this right, they will have no reason to go back to Langley and tell them what's going on with us. Langley won't need to know about Layla and they won't have to take her away from us and split us up." She tried to think reasonably but it didn't work. She couldn't hide it in her eyes and she couldn't help the tears from forming in her eyes. "But what if they take her away from us?" She said after a moment in a small voice.  
  
Kilmer looked around him and stopped. His tall, six foot two frame stooped down to meet her eyes. He took hold of her muscular forearms and with his piercing gray eyes stared straight into her soul, "No one is ever going to take Layla from us and no one is going to take you away from me. I swear." Closing his eyes, he placed a feather light kiss against her lips. "I love you, darling."  
  
"I love you too." Madison opened her eyes, "They're going to be waiting for us. We better get this over with. Remember darling, best behavior." Sighing softly, she linked his arm again and started to walk down the streets, completely unsure of their future.  
  
"Okay, are you all set?"  
  
"This isn't that hard, Vaughn."  
  
"I know, I know. I just wanted to know-are you ready?"  
  
The red head rolled her eyes and started to fix her long black coat over the rose colored dress that she had put on. "Yeah, I'm all set." She crossed her legs in the limo that they had been picked up in from the airport. Her body reclined against the black leather seats and she tried to relax before seeing the agent she had presumed dead for a such a long time again. Why of all agents did it have to be Kilmer? Robbie Kilmer. She licked her lips out of nervousness and felt the deep pink color spread even further. She let out a shakey breath and tried to calm her nerves. It wasn't like her to get nervous over missions anymore. It just wasn't in her nature.  
  
"Good." He replied, choosing to stare out of the window and watch the passing buildings. Retreating into his psyche, he tried to push everything away. He wanted to push the thoughts of Lauren sending e-mails back and forth with that man through their account. But something kept bothering him. It was like they wanted to get caught. It was such a risky act and they were both acting on impulses. But both had such intensive training, they would know how to conceal something like this. He groaned silently to himself and buried his head in his hands. It didn't make sense. They wanted to get caught. They wanted to get caught. He shook his head and tried to get think logical tings. Maybe this was all a big misunderstanding and he was just too stupid and idiotic to see the true reasoning.  
  
He was uncomfortable with the thought that his wife, the woman that he had slept beside for nearly a year, was sleeping with another man. He hadn't given into the temptation of being with Sydney. It would have been so easy and it still would be easy. The emerald eyes glanced over to Sydney and starred at her at.  
  
She caught this watchful glance, "What?" Her cheeks began to glow hot. It was a horrible reaction that she dreaded whenever he caught her off guard. When she received no answer, she asked again, "What?" This time she smiled slightly but dropped it as she saw the serious expression on his face.  
  
"I-uh nothing." He replied lamely. He focused now on his clasped hands in his lap. "You all set?" He felt the sweat pool between his palms and he tried to wipe it away against his pant legs.  
  
"Vaughn?" He looked up as a reply. She tilted her head to the side and smoke with soft compassion, "You already asked me that. Is everything okay? I mean, I know that this situation isn't ideal. Three weeks is a long time and I'm sure Lauren-"  
  
He riposted, "Lauren has nothing to do with the situation."  
  
Sydney looked a though she had been punched in the stomach. Her eyes were wide and she seemed to stop breathing, "Is everything okay?" She almost winced with the words falling out of her mouth. She really, really didn't want to know the answer to the question.  
  
"No." He replied, feeling a weight being lifted slowly off of his shoulders.  
  
"You want to talk about it?" Again, she really didn't want to know the answer to this.  
  
Now, this was a crossroads for him. Vaughn was the type of man that hated sob stories and refused to let people feel sorry for him. There was no upswing for him. He hated bringing his father up in conversations because it only got him the pity looks that he hated. He hated people feeling sorry for him. It was something that made him feel about three inches tall and it basically crushed him inside. By telling Sydney about Lauren, she could react one of two ways. Either she would be sorry and give him that pity look or say nothing and seem smug.  
  
But Sydney was never smug. So, should he tell her? The situation was just too bizarre to tell. "You know that new NSC analyst, Jonathan Ross?"  
  
"He just returned from a stay in Paris." Sydney nodded in recognition of the man. He was handsome man, there was no doubting that. In the few short hours that he had been there, already, there were women salivating over him. He was immediately loved by them and respected. He was known as one of the best analysts the NSC had and the fact that he was working in the LA office was a very big deal.  
  
Vaughn looked at her and he felt no emotions. He felt no love, no hate, no lust, no fear. He was numb and these words, the words that had been haunting him for hours were finally about to come spilling out of his mouth. But there was nothing he could do. He was falling apart at the seams and if he didn't tell someone soon, he was going to collapse. But it had only been a few hours. He had only known since that morning and already he was going to spill it. Some agent he was. *Are you proud of me, Dad? I can barley keep a family problem to myself for a day.* "He's having an affair with my wife."  
  
"Do you have the comm. in your ear?" Madison leaned in close as they danced on the dance floor, her dress swaying back and forth with each movement.  
  
"What?" He mocked a yell. He looked down at her and noticed the concerned look crossing his face. "Relax, baby. I have the comm. in my ear and hopefully this girl has the chip on her somewhere. It'll beep in both of our ears and that's when we'll know about the other." He whispered and kissed her temple. "Don't worry, baby. Everything will be alright."  
  
"You know, there has only be one other man in this world to ever call me 'baby' and get away with it."  
  
"Oh yeah? What did you do to him?" He raised his eyebrows in surprise.  
  
"Well, that's a long story. I'll just put it to you this way; he's no longer able to have children." She nestled her head against his chest and felt his voice vibrate in his chest. He laughed lightly and pulled her closer.  
  
"I'll keep this in mind." He took a beat before he spoke, "I think I like the blonde hair. Is it true what they say? Blondes really do have more fun?"  
  
"No." His partner let her brow knit up in concern, "I hate this. I just wish that we could escape all of this. I'm tired of changing my hair color, my eye color, my accent. I just hate this so much.""  
  
Kilmer smiled slightly as he turned his eyes away from her and started to scan the room. "One day, we'll be off on our own-leading normal lives. But then that means no more designer dresses or black tie parties-"  
  
"Knock-off designer dresses." Madison correctly stiffly.  
  
"No more knock off designer dresses and lack tie parties or complete adrenaline rushes or bullets whizzing at our heads or keeping a daughter in secret under aliases. No more aliases." He sighed wishfully. "After this mission, after we bring down who we need to bring down, we'll leave. We'll get out once and for all." He placed another soft kiss against her temple and continued to turn her around the dance floor. They were in the most beautiful house in all of the area. The beautiful white ceramic floor provided the perfect surface for the women in the finest couture dresses to twirl around on while their partners, dressed entirely in black. The house belonged to a Mister Poichetch, a financer for the Covenant. He held a large gala every so often but this time, he held it in his home. This was a perfect opportunity for the CIA to get more information about the organization.  
  
"Darling, I'm tired. Let's get a drink?" Madison spoke up complacently. Kilmer took her arm and they walked off the floor and he went up to a formally dressed waiter and took two champagne flutes.  
  
"Satisfy your thirst, my lady?" Kilmer offered the crystal glass towards her and smiled as she extended her gloved hand and took the chilled glass in her hand. With elegance, she pressed the glass to her lips and took a small sip. The delightful little liquid bounced through her mouth and she smiled. "I take that as a yes." He grinned back and followed suit. "What time is it?"  
  
"Nearly half past nine." Madison recited as she glanced at the old grandfather clock standing on the other side of the room. "It's almost show time."  
  
Kilmer was starting to grow nervous. He hated working with others agent, especially ones that he didn't know. His heart started to pound to the point that he could no longer hear the string quartet in the corner playing sweetly. He hated being nervous more than anything else in the world. Trying to distract himself, he scanned the room to make sure that there was no one that seemed suspicious to him. There was. "Darling, are you-"  
  
She read the look in his eyes, "Of course I am." She stepped up to him and followed his eyes, "What do you see?"  
  
"That man over there," He acknowledged a man with brown hair with a red hair woman on his arm, "something about him is rubbing me the wrong way."  
  
"You're being paranoid." She replied in a sing songy voice. "What do you think about him?"  
  
"I think we need to go near him, to see if." He let his voice trail off. Quickly, his gut instinct took over and he pulled Madison closer to him. "I think we just ran into our other set of agents. Let's dance?"  
  
"This is some house." Vaughn whispered in his partner's ear.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me sooner about Lauren? I could have-" Sydney replied in disgust. She fixed the flower in her hair that contained the microchip that would send the signal to the other agent and create a beeping noise in both of their ears.  
  
"Could have what? There's nothing you could have done about, Syd. I have to deal with it and I'll deal with it on my own time. Right now, we need to concentrate on tonight. He escorted her and took refuge in a small corner of the room. His green eyes scanned around the room, looking for someone that resembled the two agents. "What if they aren't here yet?" The voice of reason started to shout in his brain.  
  
Sydney licked her lips and scanned the room. She knew exactly what Kilmer looked like in almost every type of clothing. She knew every inch of his body but secretly dreaded seeing him again. She didn't know how to be around him anymore. He probably didn't even know that she was back and hell, she barely knew that he was alive. There was a long story that she was almost sure that they would get to later on in their three week stay. Her eyes set on a figure. "I think we found Kilmer and Perkins."  
  
"Dancing?"  
  
"We better go join them. See if." She let her voice drop and watched Vaughn offer his arm. Together, the perfect looking couple started to dance around with the dozen or so other couples. At one point, they passed the man with the blonde on his arm. As if on cue, her comm. link started to beep in her ear. "That's them. Let's get the show on the road." She tried to focus on the task on hand instead of her palpitating heart or the chills that were coursing through her body. She hated how she felt and reacted with his touch. It was like the wedding all over again.  
  
She gathered her long, flowery skirt in her hand and approached the man that had left her nearly ten years ago, "Excuse me but I was wondering, may I cut it?" Her voice was hardened with a Russian accent but not even she could hear it. There was a strong steady pulsating beating in her ear.  
  
Kilmer turned around, letting of Madison for a moment. It all happened so fast that the three of them barely had time to catch up to each other. His jaw just dropped, "Sydney." 


	6. Dead or Alive

Chaosti: I'm sooo soo sorry I didn't specify about Robbie.he's not from Sydney's past.I made him up. I should have mentioned that in the other chapter!! Basically the only information I used from the books were in chapter one.The Vaughn books are awesome although I really did love "Recruited" and "Sister Spy"  
  
Mary Kate113: Okay, hopefully everything with Madison will be cleared up in this chapter. If you're still concerned, lemme know and I'll clarify everything for ya!!  
  
Alias4ever: Okay, you get your wish!! This chapter explains everything about Sydney and Kilmer!  
  
Kay10197: I'm so glad that you liked it!! Here's another chapter for you to enjoy!  
  
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He really couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. "Sydney." He repeated again, feeling disbelief soaring through him. His heart pounded so loudly that he could barely hear anything else. The music had faded away into a dull buzzing noise. His mouth was so dry that he could only let his mouth hang open.  
  
She knew this was the unavoidable reaction. "Let's get out of here, so we can this done with." She replied in her husky accent.  
  
"But what about the dance?" He answered with the dumbness of a drunken man.  
  
"Screw the dance."  
  
****************************************************  
  
"So, you're alive. After all this time, you're alive. G-d Sydney. You're alive." Kilmer sat by the fire in their little house, attempting to warm himself. Gone were the fancy clothes and elegant manners. There was Robbie Kilmer, back in his comfortable sweatpants and sweatshirt, curled up with a blue green blanket wrapped around him to fight off the Ukrainian air. He shook his head back and forth every so often to try to snap some sense into his own mind. "You have to understand how difficult this is."  
  
Sydney inched closer and looked into the gray eyes that she had missed all these years in the back of her mind. When she was with Danny, she missed him. With Noah and with Vaughn, Robbie Kilmer was always there, haunting her. It was something that she knew she would never get over. "I know. It's hard to take in. But in all due respect, Kilmer, I thought you were dead too. When you relocated, they told me that you died. I was broken and it killed me so much. It hurt me even more when I found out that you were keeping those secrets from me-that you were CIA while we were at SD- 6." She reached forward and took his hands in hers.  
  
"You're alive."  
  
"You're alive."  
  
So, there they sat. There was so much history between the two of them that seeing the other made their hearts equally break. Sydney sat no more than three feet across from him, curled up tightly in her blue sweats with UCLA sweatshirt. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she had scrubbed all the make-up from her face. The safe house, if you even want to call it that, was quiet. Madison was still working to get into comfortable clothes and Vaughn was getting settled in the neighboring bedroom. They were silent and didn't hear the former couple exchanging soft comments in the war torn living room. In all honesty, it wasn't even fair to call it a house. It was a hallway that led to a large room with a small kitchen area and bathroom off to the side. There were three pieces of furniture a rickety old bed, small dining room table with two old chairs, and a small dresser to house closes in. The pieces were old and rusty, the wood badly warped. The walls at one time had beautiful royal blue wallpaper with gold fleur-de-lis. But now, the paper had stripped away and lay in shambles. The floor was hard wood but so badly aged that it was just disgusting now. There was a beautiful stone fireplace that was the only real source of heat in the apartment. Yes, it was more or a less an apartment.  
  
Madison appeared from her bedroom, wearing a long sweater pulled over ivory yoga pants. Her long black hair was twisted into a braid. "I'm sorry we never got a proper introduction. Madison Perkins. I'm his partner." She walked towards Sydney and extended her hand.  
  
"It's quite alright. Things were insane back there. I'm Sydney Bristow." Sydney took her hand and shook it willingly. Instantly, she liked this precocious agent, who was no more than twenty-five.  
  
Madison retracted her hand and looked about the space, "I know this isn't much but it's home and it's your home now too. Yours and Agent Vaughn." She hurried into the tiny kitchen and started to boil water on the gas stove. "Tea sound alright to you? We haven't had coffee in some while and I-"  
  
"Tea's fine, thank you." Sydney replied, pulled her hand stitched blanket tighter around her. "Is it always this cold?"  
  
"Cold?" Kilmer started to laugh, lighting up his whole face, "Sweet pea, we're having a heat wave!"  
  
Now, this didn't go unnoticed by anyone in the room. She hadn't been called that name is such a long time. And Madison had no idea about their history. As luck would have it and that's the way it always went, that's the moment when Vaughn decided to reenter the room.  
  
But it was Madison that broke the awkward ice, "Oh. I need to run to see Ms. Anastasia. Kilmer, are you ready to go?"  
  
"If you want, Ms. Perkins, I'm already dressed. I can escort you." Vaughn offered quickly, finding his coat lying nearby. He glanced at Kilmer and Sydney by the fire, "It'll give you two a chance to catch up and um go over the mission specs." He tried to give both of them a pleasant look but failed rather miserably. Michael Vaughn was always poor at hiding his true emotions.  
  
Madison started to panic, "Kilmer, are you sure you don't want to come?" She emphasized each word and raised her eyebrows accordingly.  
  
But he nodded his head, "Take Agent Vaughn, Madison. It's best that he knows the ropes on these things."  
  
With slight reluctance, she found her coat slung over a nearby wooden chair. "Grab your coat, Agent Vaughn. It's cold out." She buttoned the heavy sheered sheep coat over her body and quickly found her gloves in her pockets. "It's only three blocks down. Anastasia lives nearby."  
  
"Be safe, Maddie!" Kilmer called as he watched the door slam. He turned back to Sydney and sighed. "I always worry about her when she goes out."  
  
"Where's she going?" Sydney inquired, trying to control the shakes that here taking over her body.  
  
"You'll find out soon enough." He replied cryptically. He saw the displeased look that was crossing he face. "It would be easier if we told you and Agent Vaughn at the same time but I think we need to talk." He took a beat and shook his head, "This whole situation is so screwed up. I thought you were dead."  
  
"That goes for you. Sloane told me that you had died on a mission. You were discovered, captured, and tortured and-"  
  
"I know. The truth is that Sloane discovered that I was a double agent and my handler got me into the witness protection program and they kept me there until the Alliance fell. I went back to La office a couple of months ago and I checked that wall-the one with the names of the-and your name was there. G-d Sydney, you were dead. I saw it all the wall."  
  
"They told me as soon as the alliance fell that you were CIA. I know why you couldn't tell me but-" She started to get choked up and cleared her throat uncomfortably.  
  
Without thinking, he leaned forward and felt the former love of his life crash into his chest. His arms were around her back and his kips landed on the crown on her head. "Oh sweet-pea." He pulled her closer and felt her arms wrap around his neck. He stroked her hair lovingly. "You don't know how man times I wanted to tell you-how close I came to almost telling you. I hated to see you fighting for SD-6-thinking that it was the CIA. It killed me so much to leave you."  
  
"But I saw the pictures!" She sat up straight and starred at him with an empty look that went down to the pit of her stomach. "I saw the bullet holes in your head, the lacerations across our body..and you faked the entire thing. The CIA set up your death and sent the pictures to SD-6. You got out." She watched Kilmer nod reluctantly. And that's when she really go choked up.  
  
"You did such a wonderful job in there, sweet pea. My handler kept me updated on you and he said that you were doing better work than anyone anticipated. He also told me about Danny. It was the best thing that you moved on. I was so happy for you."  
  
"Danny's dead." She replied with uncharacteristic coldness.  
  
"I know. That's how you became a double agent. And you worked to bring down the Alliance successfully. You're an incredible agent, Sydney. Absolutely incredible." He started to get a little choked up with this too.  
  
Sydney lurched forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, "You alive, Kilmer. I never thought I would ever see you again. When the Alliance fell, they told me that you had been a double agent but that was all that they said. And then I saw your picture in my docket and I didn't even know." She started to cry now. So much had changed in the past 24 hours that it hurt her so badly. She felt his arms wrap around her body.  
  
"I never thought I would see you again. I heard about your death or disappearance or whatever you're calling it and G-d, Sydney, I never thought you of all people could die. You were invincible." He spoke softly to her through her hair. His touch was so warm and comforting to her. "I missed you so much."  
  
She sniffled slightly and buried her head in his shoulder. "I loved you so much."  
  
"I know. Me, too." They held each other there for a long time and felt like they were back to where they were before his faked death.  
  
"Syd, there's a lot you need to know before Madison gets back." Kilmer spoke up softly, stroking her hair gently.  
  
She sat up slightly and starred into his gray eyes, feeling her heart swell with the emotions of years ago. "What is it?"  
  
"Well, I need you to give me your word that you'll keep this between the two of us. We'll tell Agent Vaughn when he returns but I need to get your word on it. I know I can trust you. Please, Syd; it's important." His brow was tensed with concern and he dropped all physical contact with her. There was something wrong and she felt her blood run cold as he dropped eye contact with her. But she couldn't respond. Something was stopping her. "Sydney, please. Your word!" His voice was constricted with overrunning emotion.  
  
"You have my word." She nodded dumbly.  
  
"Agent Perkins and I, Madison and I, we're together. We've been together since I came out of protection. She's my partner, my first since my days at SD-6 and we've been undercover here in Odessa for I guess about two and a half years. I was taken out as soon as the Alliance fell and the next day, I was bound for here but anyway!" He shook his head as he was getting off of the topic. "Somewhere along the lines, we fell in love. We're going to get married as soon as the assignment is over."  
  
She felt like she had been punched in the stomach. It was the same feeling as when she saw the ring on Vaughn's finger. It was a blow to the belt. But Kilmer wasn't hers. He had died and moved on. She had died and moved on. They were no longer together but there was something missing. She never had closure from him and now he was engaged to someone else. "I- I'm happy for you but I don't understand why you're telling me this."  
  
"Because there's more to the story. Madison and I have a daughter- a little girl, Layla Rose. Langley doesn't know about her and they never can- not until we tell them."  
  
Sydney want to jump to her feet and pace but all she could do was put her hand up to her forehead and think. "You have a daughter?" the lame phrase floated through the air dimly.  
  
"Layla." He replied with some bit of pride.  
  
"You have a daughter." She repeated again.  
  
"You'll be able to meet her as soon as Maddie and Agent Vaughn return. They're picking her up under her alias, Natasha Ziegler and hopefully Mister Vaughn can think quickly on his feet and come up with something equally as charming. Chances are, she'll do all of the talking and talk with Ms. Anastasia and be equal and done with it." Kilmer got to his feet and found himself in the kitchen to pour himself a cup of tea. "Remind me; do you want tea?"  
  
Sydney stared into the fire. Today was the day to end all days. First, she was sent on a mission with Vaughn. His wife is cheating on him with the new NSC analyst. She's undercover with a man that was suppose to be dead HOW MANY YEARS AGO? And, to boot, he's engaged and has a baby. A daughter. Layla.  
  
This was perfect.  
  
This was just perfect.  
  
"Sydney?" He called again, waiting for a reaction. She whipped her head around and starred at him. "Tea?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah sure." She got to her feet and walked over to the kitchen where Kilmer was pouring water into white chipped teacups. The water's steam swirled around and warmed her frigid skin. "Thank you."  
  
He took a slow sip of his cup and leaned against the worn counter top, "So what have you been up to?" He laughed lamely at his attempt to make conversation.  
  
She shared the laugh lightly, "I've just been working-trying to get my life back on track."  
  
Kilmer nodded slowly; "The worst day was the day that they brought you back, wasn't it? The day that you renewed you license, the taxes, all the paper work. And then you leave the office, and you're alive again. You're considered human again." He remembered that day and cringed slightly at the thought. It was a nightmare and he never felt so empty in his life.  
  
She smiled softly and took another slow sip of her tea. "This is going to be difficult-the mission. I mean, we haven't worked together in a while and Madison and Vaughn have never. It's going to be tough."  
  
"That doesn't sound like the Sydney Bristow I know. It won't be tough. We'll all be fine." He spoke with uncertain confidence. He placed the cup down as he heard the door open. "That must be Madison and Mr. Vaughn. Come on, I want you to meet Layla."  
  
****************************************************  
  
She parted slightly from their embrace, letting her lips keep the tingle from his touch a moment longer. Her brown eyes fluttered slightly as she smiled, watching him do the same. "So, he found the e-mail?" Her lover whispered huskily.  
  
She grinned rather evilly, "Not only did he find it but he was absolutely infuriated by it. He knows about us and didn't even say good- bye to me before he left." She flopped back onto the bed, his bed, and felt the down pillows give beneath her weight. "I'm almost free, darling." She ran her fingertips along his bare back.  
  
Jonathan brushed a stray piece of hair away from her eyes, "Renny, we've almost done it. We're almost there. A few more weeks and we'll be free from the US, free from our employer-free from everyone. You won't be married to that sorry excuse for a man anymore and we, Renny, we can be together. I promise. As soon as we get Michael Vaughn out of the picture, I want to marry you."  
  
Her eyes grew wide, "Really Jonathan? We can finally get married?"  
  
"As soon as Michael is out of the picture-permanently. You will be Mrs. Lauren Ross." 


	7. Home At Last

Alias4ever: Um yeah!! I was hyperventilating when I saw that Lauren freaks out at Sydney and then Sydney freaks out at Vaughn!!! Hey about Lauren and Jonathan.you think they're evil now; just wait until later on.  
  
Mary Kate113: I'm sorry about the formatting problem.it's all fixed now!! Glad you like the story so far and that things with Madison make sense :o)  
  
Kay10917: Yay!! Glad you're enjoying and just wait.Lauren only gets worse..  
  
Total Vaughn lover: yeah, this is a little bit darker than I usually write..the next few chapters get really really dark but there will be some fluff thrown in there..if it's too dark, lemme know and I'll lighten it up  
  
Ruli: Thank you!! I'm sorry about the formatting.it's all fixed now...don't worry.there's another chapter like that coming down the road and I'll used the **** to separate it! Thanx for letting me know it was a problem!  
  
Stardust89: Okay..about 47/End of Her World.I got into major writer's block over that story.it's my baby and I really do love it but I think when I'm doing with this story, I'm gonna take some time off and try to finish it..I'm really glad you like it.I wasn't sure how the sequel was going to go over with people.thank you!!  
  
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Madison pushed the door open, balancing her little daughter on her hip. "I wished I could have warned you about Layla but for security reasons-you understand." She wrinkled her brow in concern as she tried to gauge Vaughn's reaction. "No one really knows about her." She opened the door and walked into the cold apartment. He had barely said two words since they walked down the block to see Ms. Anastasia, who was more than pleased to see Natasha, well Madison being Natasha. She introduced Vaughn as her brother, Tobias Polchek and all was right with the world. They looked somewhat related and it worked all the way around. But Vaughn's eyes had grown wide when he saw the toddler. "I really wish you would say something. I don't know if this is you being polite to me or whatnot but I wish you would say something."  
  
His rapid thoughts stopped for a moment and he looked at the agent, who wore more hats than he ever imagined, "She's beautiful, Ms. Perkins. She's absolutely perfect."  
  
"Thank you and please call me Madison, Mr. Vaughn." She smiled softly, trying to overcome her pride over the little girl that was hers.  
  
"Then stop calling me Mr. Vaughn, Madison."  
  
Madison smiled as she pressed her side into the door and groaned slightly as she tried to push it open. "It's sound proof. That's why it's so heavy." Madison explained softly as they both struggled to open the door. She adjusted the baby on her hip and walked into the warmth of the tiny little apartment. As the door gave into its hinges, they both groaned slightly. "Thank you. Kilmer, we're back!"  
  
"That was fast." Kilmer bounded out of the kitchen and took his little girl into his arms. "Hello Miss Layla. Did you have fun at Ms. Anastasia's? Hmmm?" Something glimmered in his eye. It was the proud father looking into the beautiful blue eyes of his daughter. He adjusted her weight and allowed her to lie against his muscular chest. Sydney watched little Layla adjust to her father's form and coo, a smile spreading over her chubby face. He started to bounce her slightly, producing another burst of coos and giggles from the baby.  
  
Madison pealed her coat from her body and deposited on its respected hook. She shook her long black hair from the confines of the hat and threw that down too. "It's gotten colder out." She remarked, reflecting on her words. She turned back towards the rest of the room and saw it like a picture frame. Sydney was starring in near the entry to kitchen. Kilmer was cuddling with his ten-month daughter with Vaughn standing, still bundled up from the cold standing near the closed wood door. "What is everyone standing around for? Mr. Vaughn, Ms. Bristow, come in and sit please. I just need to put Layla down and we'll all talk for a bit."  
  
Sydney walked in from her post and stood over Kilmer's shoulder, "She's perfect, Kilmer." She ran her fingertip, warm from holding the hot cup of tea, over the tiny girl's face, memorizing her features. This was the little girl she and Kilmer were supposed to have before things got complicated. Her biological clock started to tick so loudly that she was not sure if she was still breathing or if he heart was still beating. She loved this pain as much as she hated. She had felt this way since she got back. Maybe if she had a baby, this aching pain for a normal life would go a way.  
  
"Thanks, sweet pea." He replied, glancing back and forth between the three women..his past, his present, and his future. "I'll put her to bed, Maddie. Why don't you pour yourself something to drink and I'll meet you in the living room?" Without much thought, he turned went into the second room, the one to the right of the fireplace.  
  
Madison cleared her throat uncomfortably, "So, Ms. Bristow-" She had this sudden distrust of Sydney and she wanted to get rid of that feeling as soon as possible. She hated feeling this way. Sydney was a good person; she tried to assure herself repeatedly.  
  
"Sydney, please." She held up her hand in slight protest.  
  
"Sydney, yes. You and Robbie knew each other before?" She tried to make her voice sound casual as her body was seething with jealousy. She desired to be warmer and walked towards the fire, taking a blanket thrown over the side on the newer look couch and wrapped it around her body tightly before collapsing down into the aged material.  
  
"We worked together at SD-6. We were partners." Sydney turned and walked back to the fireplace, following Madison's lead.  
  
"Oh." Madison replied, trying to sound convincing. "Well," she swallowed hard "that was a long while ago, wasn't it?" She shivered again and rubbed her hands together more reverently, trying to shake the cold from her tiny frame.  
  
"It feels like yesterday." Sydney gazed off for a moment but quickly found residence on the tattered couch. She curled her feet up underneath her and she looked to Vaughn for support. She was trying to stay together as much as possible but was waiting for that one moment for her pins to snap.  
  
"So, you were there when he faked his death?" She watched Sydney's reaction carefully. Her blue green eyes watched her nod. "I only ask because he refused to speak of his days before the program and I want to know. He would probably have my head if he knew that I was asking."  
  
Sydney smiled weakly, "What would you like to know?"  
  
"Everything."  
  
"Everything?" Sydney's eyes drifted towards the second bedroom and almost waited for Kilmer appear.  
  
Madison nodded her head, "Don't worry about Robbie. He takes forever putting Layla down." She shook her hand in the general direction of the other bedroom. It was as if she was reading her thoughts. "Come Agent Vaughn. Come warm yourself by the fire."  
  
Vaughn moved slowly, feeling the cold move out of his limbs. His head was a jumble of thoughts but suddenly, none of that mattered. He didn't know anything about Sydney and Kilmer that he was from SD-6. Sydney had never mentioned him in any of her debriefs. He didn't know anything about this and was so curious that his veins were about implode. Curiosity killed the cat. He sat beside Sydney and he knew that to anyone else it would look like a person just sitting down to rest his body but oh no. Nothing in his life was ever that simple. It was him sitting down next to his ex-girlfriend. It was him sitting down to his ex-asset. It was him sitting down to his partner. It was him sitting there for moral support.  
  
Sydney started to laugh nervously, "I don't know where to start."  
  
Madison leaned forward and hushed her voice slightly, "I want to know what Robbie was like before he was put into witness protection. I'm his partner, in more than one sense and I need to know what he was like."  
  
Sydney knew how she felt. She wished she had known what Vaughn was like before the CIA and before he met her. "He was one of the most competent men I've ever worked with. He was the best I've ever worked with in terms of ad-libbing. He-he was headed straight for the top. A great shot. He could hit anything with any type of gun. He knew every language under the sun and then some." She smiled as she lost eye contact with all parties in the room. "We were partners. He was my first at SD-6. We were uh-we were in Chile. It was simple mission."  
  
She was suddenly back to that hot and humid Chile night. She was a baby, just at the legal drinking age and in love with her partner, who she thought felt the same way. Her hair was long and strawberry blonde, reaching the middle of her exposed back. Her frame was tucked closely to Kilmer's, a sturdy agent of 24 with five years of experience under his belt. They were both dressed for a steamy nightclub where they were meeting a new player on the scene in weapons sale. They were just going to meet with him as potential customers. It was so simple. However, as they entered the club, a man came up behind both of them or at least Sydney assumed it was a man. She struggled, there was no doubt of that but there was chloroform involved and the last thing she remembered was the man's arms around her, preventing her from moving and a rag went over her mouth and nose. She hit the ground hard and blacked out.  
  
She awoke days later in LA. She didn't know how she got there or exactly what happened. But when she came into work that Monday, Sloane asked to see her in his office. There she was the pictures of Kilmer. He had been kidnapped and killed. They never knew who his kidnappers were.  
  
Until she joined the CIA and she knew. It was all faked. She later learned that her attackers were CIA agents and they returned her safely to LA. The new player on the scene wasn't at all. He was CIA. It was all a front to get Kilmer out of there. He was going to be killed on his way home from LA. Actually, they saved Sydney too. The plane was going to have a malfunction and crash, killing anyone on board-her included.  
  
"Why did he call you sweet pea?" That was what she really wanted to know. In all honesty, she could care less about what he was really like before SD-6. She would take him as is and love him even more for it.  
  
Sydney swallowed a lump in the back of her throat and looked around desperately, or trying not to appear desperate. She looked to Vaughn for support, his eyes wide with surprise. She didn't tell him and understood why he looked so shock. She cleared her throat rather uncomfortably and shrugged her shoulders. "He's a wonderful man, Madison. You two will be so happy together. He'll keep you safe and keep you happy. You and Layla both." She tried to smile but failed rather miserably. The emotions were taking over her and she just wanted to be home back in her safe, little bed in the apartment that she hated and actually wanted to be back home in her safe, little bed in the apartment that she lived and loved before she disappeared for two years. Yes, her life officially sucked. She finally looked up and saw the emotions in Madison's eyes.  
  
"You never answered my question." Madison spoke coldly.  
  
"I know." Sydney replied matching her tone.  
  
"Well." Madison whispered without conviction. All color had drained from her face and that look crossed over her alabaster features. It was the same on that Lauren had when she first met Sydney. Sydney knew she had just lost a valuable ally.  
  
"She's asleep." Kilmer walked out of the bedroom and smiled at his fiancée.  
  
"That's good." Madison replied, not taking her eyes off Sydney. She licked her chapped lips, blistered and broken from the cold.  
  
"I guess we all need to talk." Kilmer walked out of the bedroom and to the back of the couch, placing both hands on the couch. "Go over everything?"  
  
Madison straightened up and continued to glare at Sydney. She didn't like not getting the answers she wanted when she wanted them. It was a definite flaw and became a problem when she was on missions but she raised her eyebrows slightly at Sydney, still annoyed that she never got her answers. It was going to be a long night for Kilmer. "Whatever we have to say can wait until tomorrow. They've been through enough for one day, Robbie." She finally broke eye contact with Sydney and looked at Kilmer. "Besides," she spoke softly, "we need to talk."  
  
He pretended not to hear this or see that look in her eyes. "That sound good to you guys?" Kilmer asked, his lively spirit coming back to his eyes. "Why don't we all get settled and then tomorrow, first thing, we'll get started with going over the mission specs and everything else?"  
  
Sydney looked around the room and her eyes settled on Vaughn and tried to gauge his reaction. He closed his eyes and nodded gently, "I think a good night's sleep would due best for all of us. It'll be a long time before we get to again."  
  
"I agree." Sydney conceded. He knew that they both should get to going over the missions specs but saw something desperate hidden beneath the honey brown color.  
  
"We only have two bedrooms, so I hope it's alright that you two share a room? CIA doesn't exactly fit the best accommodations." She smiled sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders.  
  
"It's fine. Really. Thank you." Sydney smiled once again, getting to her feet. "Good-night."  
  
****************************************************************************  
  
"I guess we've been in worse." She tried to sound optimistic.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah. This isn't so bad." He replied, dropping his duffle bag at his feet. His green eyes drifted along the small, decrepit safe house and their little bedroom.  
  
Vaughn turned around and shut the door firmly behind him, hoping that they would not have to stay in this hellhole for too long. He reclined against the wall, the heavy soundproof wall, and watched her. It was a guilty pleasure of his. He loved watching her every movement. She had the grace of a dancer with every movement mattering more than the next. "Well, I guess we better make ourselves at home?" He cleared his throat softly.  
  
Sydney replied, "I think we need to go over the specs, whether Madison and Kilmer want to or not. We need to go over the missions specs before we do anything else." She tossed her bag, standard black nylon, down at the foot of the bed. Her hands went to her hips almost instantly went through her hair and down to her hips.  
  
"Why don't we do it tomorrow morning? We're both exhausted and need sleep more than anything else." He shot her that look, the same look that he had shown her when he asked her to dinner. "Hmm?"  
  
She didn't know exactly to what to do. Her heart told her to go over the specs for the mission tomorrow night but her head told her to go to bed. Sleep was a necessity. "Sure." She relented. They didn't need to change; they were both dressed in sweatpants and comfortable tops. She dragged her body over to the bed and slipped beneath the large blue comforter with the flat white line pillows. Her brown eyes were starting to flutter softly at Vaughn who had taken to looking around to room. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Looking for a place to sleep."  
  
"The bed?"  
  
"I can't do that to you."  
  
"With all due respect Vaughn, just get into the bed."  
  
"Syd" he protested, shaking his head slightly back and forth.  
  
"Vaughn, don't test me on this. Just get into bed!" She lifted her body up slightly, propping herself on her sore elbows. He looked away, letting his brow wrinkle in concern. He couldn't do this to himself. This was the first step down a dark road. "Besides, where else are you going to sleep? On the floor? Friend, boyfriend, partner or not, I won't let you sleep on this floor. You'll catch your death." She pulled part of the blankets aside, exposing the worn beige sheets.  
  
She watched him comply with her demands and lay stiffly in the bed. This was so wrong for both of them. He stopped breathing in a regular pattern and it was if he was trying to hold his breath. Why? She had no idea.  
  
"You know you never answered the question." He directed his voice at the crumbling ceiling as he lay back beneath the comforter.  
  
She flipped over to face him and look harshly at him, "Do you want to know the answer?" Her tone was harsh and her mannerisms mirrored this.  
  
"Why did he call you sweet pea?" He asked, the warmth draining from his voice.  
  
"We were together for two years." She judged the look on his face. "And then he faked his death and I moved on. Eventually. Does that answer your question?"  
  
He didn't have a comment for that right away. He could say something soothing and sweet or cold and bitter or something all together random. "It's a tough feeling, isn't it? You don't know what to do with yourself?" He watched her exhausted look change to something more of confusion. "Finding out that that the dead is alive?"  
  
"It's sickening." She replied coldly, still curled up on her side.  
  
He turned more to face her, "I hate seeing you like this." He admitted. "What can I do to help with everything? This can't be-"  
  
"Don't do this, Vaughn. Don't be the superhero that comes in to save me from myself." She hissed with a disdain in her voice that she hadn't let show in a while. "Don't pretend that we're going through the same thing because we're not."  
  
"I'm not trying to be." He snapped back.  
  
"What Kilmer and I-what happened with us, that was nine years ago. I'm nearly thirty years old. I can deal with it. Really." She flipped back over and felt the mattress squeak as Vaughn flipped on his side. She scowled and curled her body closer. Her arms were coiled against her chest, her chin resting on her twisted hands and her body wrapped into the fetal position. The only thing left to do was fall into a fitful sleep and be numb. 


	8. Cry Me A River

Cold hit him like a ton of bricks. No blankets were covering him and cold air was hanging around his body. Sitting up lazily, he reached over and faced Sydney, who was twisting and turning with the blankets. She was sleeping. There was something terrible was bothering her and she was in a fitful sleep. Her brown hair was pulled away from her face and the sweat- ridden hair was spread over the worn pillow. She clung to the comforter and continued to toss in turn, screaming out. She was breathing in uneven intervals and he was nothing short of worried. He had never seen her like this and all he wanted was for it to stop. She was in pain, struggling against herself and calling out in coherent phrases as her body twisted and turned. But the fact remained that he didn't know whether to wake her or not.  
  
Finally, he couldn't bear it anymore. He sat up further and leaned over her, touching her shoulder softly. "Sydney." He cooed softly but received no answer. "Sydney." He tried again but again the same. "Syd, c'mon. Wake up. Sydney."  
  
She came alert in a heartbeat. Her eyes were wide with absolute terror and she was gasping rapidly for air. Her body was perfectly straight and the blanket was clutched to her chest. Her eyes darted around as she tried to get her bearings, no idea where she was. Those dreams were back and they haunted her. She thrashed around slightly, feeling oxygen slowly flow back into her lungs. She was the plane and she was safe but not alone. These dreams were horrible and they were getting more and more indescribable and terrifying. Her honey colored eyes drifted down to her lap and that's when she realized that Vaughn was not three inches from her face, staring at her. "V-Vaughn?" Her raspy voice managed to gasp. She reached out for him. She didn't care about protocol or anything else that mattered in the world. Actually, protocol was no longer a problem. It was that ring on his finger.  
  
He wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to sink into his chest, shaking like a frightened puppy dog. "It was only a dream, Syd."  
  
"I-I don't even..." She hyperventilated.  
  
"It was only a dream." He repeated once more.  
  
"Oh-my-It-It always feels likes-" She curled body closer, trying to feel some security. There were long threads missing from the blanket and bearing the cold air that was about to hit her, she drew her arm from beneath the wool and started to play with the long ridges through it.  
  
Vaughn looked at her with sheer disbelief, "It always feels? How long have you been having these dreams?" He started to stroke the back of her hair softly, trying to get her to calm down. He felt her breathe come in quick bursts, suppressed sobs deep within her.  
  
"Long enough not to be sleeping anymore." She bit down on her lip and squinted her eyes slightly, "I always see what could have been. I see me and Danny on our wedding day.......my mother alive.......me teaching English class......" she swallowed hard, "us together.......our wedding day.......it all feels so real but then something always happens. The next thing I know, I'm bleeding and alone. I see myself die every time I close my eyes. It's horrible." She sat up slightly, just enough to watch his reaction carefully and saw his visibly pained by this.  
  
Vaughn opened his mouth to speak but was stopped when Sydney raised her hand in protest, "Don't say anything. It's just the way things are now. I have to deal with them on my own." She looked away and wished she was alone right now. She couldn't take being in the same area with him right now and it was taking all that she could not to break down. "You know, when I spoke with Kendal, he started telling me about a baby. The child of the woman depicted by Rambaldi and it's already been decided ten times over that I'm that woman, so it would be my child. And for a minute, I had this hope. I thought maybe I had a child. There was a baby that was mine out there and I have never felt so confused in my life. I was terrified that I didn't remember my own child and afraid that she was out there alone but so happy that there might be a little girl or a little boy that was mine." The tears started to come now. "I know it was irrational to think and being in this life, having children wouldn't be a great idea and when we both put two and two together, he told me that there was no baby. There was a part of me that was disappointed. I was actually disappointed that I didn't have a child I never had to begin with."  
  
Her tone changed drastically. Her subconscious started to plead with the greater forces, "Vaughn, something is missing from my life. Not the two years but something else that I just can't even think of. And when he started talking about the child, something in my head clicked. Maybe that was what's missing. Maybe I need someone to love me for whom I am and not care about my past and have no past of their own."  
  
Her tears were like falling diamonds over porcelain. They flowed clear and fast over her skin, causing her eyes to swell and her face to look red and blotchy. But her eyes never left that blanket. She didn't want to see what Vaughn's face looked like or what he was doing. He was probably ignoring her and feigning interest. Men did that. They feigned interest. But when she finally looked up, her body beginning to rack with sobs, she saw tears brimming over in his eyes. "But there is no baby. No baby, Vaughn. And it's just me all over again. And I don't know what to do anymore." Her voice started to plead desperately. "I've never felt like this and I don't know what to do with these emotions." Out of desperation, she ran her hands over her face and tried to push these emotions away. But she couldn't. This was too overwhelming, even for her. She pushed the blankets away from her and tried to put her feet on the ground but found a pair of hands pushing her back down.  
  
"Stop. We need to talk about this. You're not running away from this." He hated seeing her this way. She was broken and he wanted to do something about it. He watched her look at him with 'deer in the headlights look' as he helped her ease back down. "When was the last time you really slept?"  
  
She looked at him with a vacant stare and just knitted her brow together. "I don't know how to be me anymore, Vaughn. Nothing's the same and I don't know what to do anymore. It's all different. I thought this feeling would go away but it just got worse. Everything's so messed up. First it was-"  
  
He opened his arms to her, something he knew he shouldn't have been doing but he did it anyway. She leaned in and cried on his shoulder. She cried until she thought her body would break in two. He stroked the back of her head softly as she collapsed further and landed across his chest. She was so tired just from everything. "We'll get you back to normal soon. Don't worry. Everything's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. Just close your eyes. Try to get some sleep. Shh....shh...." He watched her collapse down into his chest and slowly, they laid down together. Her head rested on his chest and she stayed curled up there for a while. He traced invisible circles on her back until her sobs stopped.  
  
"It's never going to be okay. This feels absolutely horrible. I never thought it would ever be like this. I never thought it would feel like this! I just wish that I could go back to that day that the recruiter gave me his card for SD-6. None of this would have happened then. I would be Mrs. Daniel Hecht and have two point five kids with a dog and a house with a white picket fence." She cried out.  
  
"But you can't change your past, Syd. I know that hurts more than anything else and I wish I could make this go away. I hate seeing you like this, Sydney. I really do. But I need you to believe that things will get better. I know what this feels like but I need you to hold on. You can't let go."  
  
"I don't know what to do anymore, Vaughn." She sighed heavily and choked back on her words. "I'm trying so hard to focus on our mission but I just can't. I don't know how to be around you anymore and now, I have to be around Kilmer and Madison? And their baby? I buried Kilmer and with him, I buried everything I felt for him. Then I realize that you did the same thing with him. I watched you throw my ashes in the ocean and I'm sure as anything that you tried to do the same but I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can."  
  
"You are the strongest woman I know, Syd. You can do anything." He tightened his grip on her.  
  
"I'm weak."  
  
"You're strong." He countered strongly. He breathed slowly and studied the ceiling, each little crack crevice that had grown through the white plaster ceiling. "I know it feels like you're sinking right now but you'll get through this. I promise you, you'll get through this." He knew his words her falling onto deaf ears. He really shouldn't have been talking. Deep in his subconscious, he was dying. His wife was cheating on him and now he had to help his ex-girlfriend get over the man that she loved before him.  
  
This was so screwed up.  
  
But for now, he just laid there and drew lazy circle on her back, hoping she would eventually fall back to sleep. He wished he could sing and soothe her back to sleep with a sweet lullaby but his singing voice was like a dying canary. He felt her breath come in more regular patterns. He strained to see if her eyes were closed. But those beautiful brown eyes that were surrounded by red, blood-shot were still wide open. Her lips, blue from the cold, were slightly pouted and puckered. She was miserable and depressed. Her strong frame was wavering under the duress. "No matter what happens, Syd, whether it is with Kilmer, Madison, Dixon, Kendall, Sloane, Lauren or anyone else in the realm of the world, I want you to know....I will always be there. Everything that I said and what I did, I don't regret. Sydney, I still-"  
  
"Don't, Vaughn." She whimpered, feeling the exhaust from her emotions catch up with her. She knew where this was coming from and started to hate him for it. He was going to say the one phrase that she had been wanting him to say since she got back but knew that the only reason he was going to say it because the new love in his life was cheating on him. The new love of his life was committing adultery.  
  
"I have to, Sydney." He replied firmly. "I have never in my life-"  
  
"Vaughn." She started to cry again, whispering in protest, willing him to stop. She turned even further and buried her head in his chest, muffling any sound that would come out of her mouth. She inhaled deeply and let out a slow shaky breath.  
  
Without any words, he pressed his lips to the top of her head, "No matter what Sydney, I will always love you."  
  
She bolted out of the bed and stood there. "Don't do this to me Vaughn! Don't do this to me! I'm trying to get over you; I'm trying to get use to the idea of you living with another woman. I'm trying to get use to the fact that I might not find another man that I love! I'm trying to get use to the fact that I can't-that I shouldn't love you anymore! And then you say that you will always love me? You're only saying this because Lauren's messing around with another man! Extraordinary circumstances, Vaughn! You don't love me anymore. You stopped loving me the ninth month after I was missing. I saw you-you and Lauren. I know! Don't do this to me, Vaughn! Let me mourn for us and get over it! I can't be in love with you anymore! Can't you see? It's killing me?" She shouted at the top of her lungs and pointed at him accusingly.  
  
Vaughn watched helpless and sat upright. He pulled the sheets away, "Syd, c'mon. Let's talk about this.'  
  
"There's nothing to talk about! You can't keep doing this to me! Can't you see? You're killing me!" She bolted from the bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind her. She couldn't stay in there, with him anymore. It was bad enough that they never said that they loved each other when they were dating. She staggered out of the bedroom and managed to make it to the fireplace until she collapsed. She hugged her knees to her chest and felt her head lightly hit her head on the stone hearth. She sobbed until she felt her body given out beneath her.  
  
"Sydney?" she heard a soft male voice call out to her.  
  
She raised her head slightly and saw Kilmer standing there. She inwardly cringed. She couldn't deal with this right now-not anymore. "Hey Kilmer." She managed to whisper as she sat up and leaned back on her haunches. She wiped her eyes and sniffled slightly. "What's going on?"  
  
She watched that concerned look that she had grown accustomed to, "I guess I should be asking you that, sweet pea. What's going on? Why are you crying?" He walked towards her slowly and knelt down by her near the fire, that was reduced the brightly burning ruby embers. She turned away from him and studied the dying heat source. "Sweet pea?" He inched closer to her, like a negotiator approaching a person on a cliff, ready to jump. Slowly, he approached her until he could reach out and put his hand on her shoulder. She jumped, as she forgot that he was there or didn't see that he was that close. "Sweet pea?"  
  
"Please don't call me that." She said through her drying tears. "Please."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because it makes it that much harder for me to be around you. Hearing you call me that reminds me of how happy we were, how much I loved you, how you were my first almost everything, how it hurt when you died." She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, "I'm so happy you're alive, Kilmer. I'm happy that you got a second chance at life and I'm sure you're thinking the same way. But I, I need to get through my mission and I need to through my life. So, I need you not to call me that anymore. I'm so happy that you and Madison are together and you have a baby and you're going to get married but-but" she took in a deep inhale, "this is a lot for me to take in and I'm going to need time and-tomorrow night is the first step of the mission. If something goes wrong or something happens because I'm distracted by everything, I'll never forgive myself. Like I never forgave myself for fighting harder in Chile." She looked at Kilmer with sympathetic eyes.  
  
"Sydney." He sighed, his brow wrinkled with concern and he reached out to touch her but she recoiled.  
  
"I loved you so much that it almost killed me." She started a familiar speech that she had heard and now everything was making sense. "I was devastated after you were captured. I was in that hospital room for days and for those days; I tried to figure-to figure out what went wrong- what I did wrong. And I couldn't find anything. So, I started back at work but every night for eighteen months, I would go home and analyze the mission. I stopped living. I didn't know what to do anymore and then I don't even known what happened. I guess-"  
  
"You met Noah? I know all about it." He tried to smile and pass that smile onto her but that obviously didn't work. "I was so happy when you decided to move on-so relieved that you could move on with your life. I was given weekly updates about you and your condition-"  
  
She got to her feet and walked into the kitchen, "I can't deal with this right now." She ran her hands over her face, "We have a mission in less than twenty-four hours. I can't do this right now." She reached the kitchen and whipped around, "Go back to your bed with your girlfriend and your baby. I need to be alone right now."  
  
Kilmer opened his mouth to protest but saw that look on her face. Silently, he stood up and walked back into his bedroom. He couldn't say anything to make this better or to help her through this. She would have to get through it on her own. She was a big girl but as he walked across the door, he couldn't help but stop and look at her. "I'm here if you need me." He said in a hoarse voice.  
  
"I'll be fine, Kilmer. I give you my word. I'll be fine."  
  
"Sweet-pea-"  
  
She looked at him harshly, "I'm begging you, Kilmer. Please, don't call me that anymore. I've haven't been that since I was twenty-two. Good- night, Kilmer." She watched the figure look at her reluctantly and turn back into his bedroom. Sydney placed her hands on the countertop and hung her head. Her brain was swimming with bizarre thoughts. She couldn't think straight but the only thing that was clear, the one thing that could be clear, was that Vaughn admitted that he loved her. After all this time, he still loved her. He was married, sleeping with another woman and he still loved her. As the tears poured down her face, drying the tear ducts in her eyes like the Sahara Desert, a small smile started to play on her lips. She hadn't had hope in such a long time.  
  
Her brown eyes jumped to the her bedroom door and she stared at it for a moment, waiting for something to appear. The hope in the back of her mind swelled into faith and that faith turned to the love that she had buried in her blackened heart. She wiped her eyes and sniffled slightly. She slowly made her way over to the couch and curled up into the fetal position there, her eyes never leaving the door. A small question started to beg itself in the darkest corner of her mind, "He said he loves you but does he mean it? His wife is having an affair.......this could just be revenge on Lauren and you would be the pawn."  
  
And that's when she made herself the pledge. She pledged that she would always love Vaughn, not matter what but would never become his pawn.  
  
Not her.  
  
Not now.  
  
Not ever. 


	9. Toxic

It was always some trashy night club that they had to be sent to.  There was always sex and drugs, everywhere-music everywhere.  It was the perfect place to lose yourself and for a while, they were lost, not wanting to be found.  With enough make-up, a new hair color, new name, and new clothes, she was anyone they wanted her to be and with her new lease on life, it's how she liked it.  She was no longer Sydney Bristow, the poor agent who was presumed dead for two years.  Instead, she was a strong and capable woman, Ava Davis, tall red head with overflowing curls that dangled below her shoulder blades.  With piercing blue eyes, she staggered out of the limo and struck a rather dramatic pose.  Her hand, painted with elegant henna tattoos, a first for the veteran agent, went to her forehead as she faked a drunken state.  There were people everywhere and she needed to make this work.  Draw attention to yourself but not too much attention, rule number one of this.  No, rule number one was never become emotionally attached and she was about six years past that.  She whipped around and watched as her partner got out of the same limo.  He put up the same act and walked over to her, wrapping his arm around her tiny waist and drawing her close.  To anyone, and there were many people, walking by, it was just the norm for people in and around Nyrisha, the hottest underground club in all of Odessa.  

Sydney's body was wrapped in a purple beaded top that exposed her stomach.  The beading of different shades of purple extended down in long strands to cloak her stomach to a certain degree.  They glistened in the pulsating lights.  She wore a pair of tight fitting black leather with strappy stiletto heels.  The one thing she loved about her new look, Ava's look, was her make-up.  She was simple girl and not into the hype of cosmetics, barely wearing mascara to work everyday but tonight, she wore amethyst eye make-up with dramatic black eye-lashes.  

She tucked her body close to his and they made their way through the black doorway, crowded with people drinking, dancing, and flat out making out.  The loud music clouded her senses and she wanted to be taken under.  They made their way down a long black hallway, illuminated only with red lights.  The air was tight and it was hard to breathe in the close quarters.  Vaughn tightened his grip on her, pushing out any thoughts of his life before.  He was James Adler and James Adler didn't have a cheating wife and wasn't staying with his ex-girlfriend for three weeks.  They made their way together and slid down the long, curling staircase.  Below them was a sight that they had both seen many times.

It was something out of a movie.  Barely clad girls dancing everywhere with guys, lapping it up like a puppy with table scraps.  The music thumped hard and fast and replaced Sydney's own heartbeat.  Smoke rose and hung in the air, smothering all who tried to breathe clear air.  Somewhere in this mess of R rated activity, was a room that Sydney and Vaughn needed to find.  

_"Okay, so let's go over the specs, shall we?" Madison sat down, balancing her baby on her knee the next morning.  The folders were opened over the kitchen table and each of the four agents were looking at the intelligence inside.  "The office sent us updated information.  They've revamped our aliases."_

_"Alright."__Sydney__ leaned forward and glanced through her papers.  Her eyes were still puffy from the tears and the almost complete lack of sleep.  But no one really needed to know **that's ** why she needed the three cups of tea that morning instead of the usual one.  Caffeine never made her jittery.  The only thing that made her jittery was the person sitting next to her at the kitchen table and who had proclaimed his undying love for her last night.   Caffeine she could handle, Michael Vaughn, she could no.  _

_"Let's do the round the table." Kilmer smiled as he looked around the table at the tired faces drinking aged tea in chipped mugs.  "Who would like to start?"  He was unusually chipper than early morning.  The sun had barely risen but he was already eager to do laps around the countryside._

_There was a deafening silence.  Sydney and Vaughn didn't know what he was talking about so took that moment to remain silent.  __Madison__ was just rolling her eyes.  She hated doing the 'round the table technique.' It was boring and dry._

_"Thank you for you enthusiasm.  I'll start." Kilmer started with a mock hurt tone.  "I am…." He started with a feigned ego the size of a small country, "Eli Sarsota!" When he saw that he was getting absolutely no reaction from anyone, he returned to his normal tone, slightly defeated, " I was born __January 29, 1974__ in __Moscow__.  I have no formal education but my parents were former KGB, who did educate me to some extent.  My mother is Russian but my father is German." He got to his feet and started to pace around the kitchen with his file in one hand and steaming tea in the other.  He started to talk with a heavy Russian accent and his walk changed significantly into a swagger.  Yes, Robbie Kilmer started to swagger.  "Papa Sarsota trained me to take over the family business.  So, I did and became wildly successful.  Fifteen years ago, I married-"_

_"Maria Bianciavella Sarsota, an Italian born hit-man or hit woman in my case.   I was born __June 13, 1980-wow__ I'm a young one!" __Madison__ jumped in and  giggled lightly as she worked on perfecting her Italian accent.  "I was on a job in __Russia__ when I met Eli.  I did some work with his parents and some of their colleagues.  I-uh-" she scanned down the page and looked for important information, "ah here it is; I am an orphan but my parents were supposedly wealthy and left a great deal of money so that I could support myself.  I researched my parents death and discovered that it was related to their work in the Italian intelligence program.  I took a vow to avenge their death and became one of the top assassins, after getting a degree from __Oxford__, naturally.  Started to migrate around the continent until I found someone to my liking.  Working with such heavy waits as Irinia Derveko." She continued to rattle on her stats as she bounced a happy Layla on her knees._

_            But Sydney and Vaughn just gaped at each other.  It had been a long time since either of them had heard that name and hearing in the docket was absolutely shocking.  Vaughn felt his mouth run dry.  The last time they had ever head that name was right after she jumped off the roof over two years ago.  Half of the world considered her dead.  The other half considered her hiding.  But Jack and Vaughn knew that she was doing neither.  Irinia was a lost soul, waiting to be found.  Jack and Irinia had been in close contacts since Sydney's disappearance and if Vaughn hadn't escaped with a bottle of booze, he would have encounters with her as well.  More than likely, he would have known that __Sydney__ was alive and not turned  into the arms of Lauren, who was cheating on him with this man, Jonathan.  It was a horrible chain of events that Vaughn just came to realize that while he sat in the little safe house with the cold air creeping around him like a cruel cobra waiting to strike him in the heart.  As he sat there, he tried to place blame.  Whose fault was it really?  The Covenant's?  Sloane's?  The CIA?  There was no right answer to this.  _

_"Vaughn?  You're up." Kilmer waved his hand over Vaughn's face to get his attention.  _

_Vaughn looked away from Sydney, who was tired but wide eyed.  He snapped to attention and grabbed his folder.  "Oh-I uh- I'm James Adler, new player on the scene.  Born in __Texas__ on __February 14, 1976__ to two red-blooded American citizens.__  Went to Yale studying linguistics but got the law degree at Harvard.  Glad that law degree of mine will actually come in handy for something for a change.  But as James, I stumbled onto the intelligence field because of my roommate at Harvard.  Became a translator but want something more.  That's why I met up with-"_

_"Ava Davis, wealthy new player on the scene.  I'm the head of the new group, The Avardia.  Originally from __Tennessee__ ,__ I was educated at Harvard also.  That's where I met Mr. Adler and from there, we became romantically involved.  I see we're all connected somehow." She worked on her southern accent but inwardly cringed.  She didn't know what to make of this exactly.  After last night, the last thing she wanted to do was be a romantic interest of Vaughn.  Just ducky._
    
    **Baby, can't you see**
    
    **I'm calling**
    
    **A guy like you**
    
    **Should wear a warning**
    
    **It's dangerous**
    
    **I'm fallin'**
    
    **There's no escape**
    
    **I can't hide**
    
    **I need a hit**
    
    **Baby, give me it**
    
    **You're dangerous**
    
    **I'm lovin'**** it**

Maybe it was all the smoke.  Maybe it was all the alcohol.  Maybe it was the 'lose control' atmosphere.  But something in her allowed her to let go.  She forgot everything that had occurred in the last few hours.  "You want to do something, sugar?" She slipped her hand into one of the belt loops on his khaki pants and pulled him closer to her.  She smelled his cologne was intoxicated by him.

"Like what, sweets?" He played along but kept a watchful eye out on the rest of the club.
    
    **Too high**
    
    **Can't come down**
    
    **Losing my head**
    
    **Spinning 'round and 'round**
    
    **Do you feel me now?**
    
    **With a taste of your lips**
    
    **I'm on a ride**
    
    **You're toxic**
    
    **I'm slipping under**
    
    **With a taste of poison paradise**
    
    **I'm addicted to you**
    
    **Don't you know that you're toxic**
    
    **And I love what you do**

**Don't you know that you're toxic**

"Like this."  She twisted around and led him to the center of the dance floor.  They were early for the rendezvous time and they needed to kill time.  It was better to dance than to drink or to stand around looking out of place.  So, she kept him by the belt loops and they were in the middle of the dance floor.  Now was the time to lose herself.  She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and pressed her body close to his, feeling her stomach rub against his belt buckle.  She straddled one of his legs and started to let the music pulsate through her body.

_"I need you to be honest with me, Syd." Vaughn said as he finished pulling on the tight fitting black t-shirt.  He stood on one side of the bed while he watched Sydney who sat at the foot of it, leaning against the bottom of the bedspring.  _

_"Okay." __Sydney__ replied from the floor.  She hadn't changed yet but wanted to put on her make-up.  She held a mascara wand in one hand and a magnified mirror in the other.  She had changed her eye color but only put mascara on one.  Her hair was pulled into a thick French braid and tucked under so that it was easy to hide it beneath her wig.  Her body was wrapped in a long purple robe, borrowed from __Madison__ and she smelled of fresh berries from the icy shower she had taken about an hour previous.   _

_"Are you going to be okay being Ava tonight?  We need to make this look as believable as possible and we-uh-we're suppose to be romantically involved." _

_She sighed and faked a smile, "I'll be fine.  I'm sorry about last night-really I am.  I don't normally do that.  I've just been really emotional lately.  I'm sorry." She turned back to applying her make-up.  _

_"Syd, it's me.  You don't have to do this."_

_"Do what?" She retorted tartly as she started to apply the black paint to her eyelashes.  _

_"Are you going to be okay?  Are you going to be able to pull this off?  After last night, are you going to be okay with being with me for the night?  I know what I said I shouldn't have said but if you want me to take it back-"_

_She looked at him with wide eyes but concealed her emotions well, "Don't take it back.  Please, don't." She breathed desperately.  _

_Vaughn hid his smile as he turned away, "Okay.  I won't take it back."_
    
    He forgot how wonderful her body felt against his.  He forgot what she smelt like, how she moved.  He forgot how much he loved her.  But most of all, he forgot what it was like to dance with her.  Well, truth be told, he did get to dance with her at the party before but nothing like this.  Oh wow, nothing like this.  He tried to get his mind off of how he was reacting to Sydney dancing so provocatively.  His eyes glanced over her body as her knees bent and she dipped closer to the ground.  It was time.  "Ava."  She didn't hear him.  "Ava." She stood up and let her hips fall into perfect synch with hers.  "Ava." He shouted this time and she straightened up and looked at him. 
    
    With a taste of your lips
    
    I'm on a ride
    
    You're toxic
    
    I'm slipping under
    
    With a taste of poison paradise
    
    I'm addicted to you
    
    Don't you know that you're toxic
    
    And I love what you do
    
    Don't you know that you're toxic

   "What?" She retorted, a crossed look flying over her face.

   "It's go time, sweets." He replied and wrapped his arm around her waist and led her off the dance floor.  There were people everywhere and they fought through the droves to get to the stairs.  Women tried to latch themselves onto Vaughn, men to Sydney.  The music was loud and she felt like she was being drown out.  It was an easy escape and she loved that she could forget herself.  Forget Sydney Bristow, the introverted control freak without a life.  She was gone and Ava Davis, the wild child from England, liked her music loud and her men hot.  And she loved Ava.  

   "I'll go anywhere with you, sugar!" She shouted back and allowed herself to be pulled through crowd to a back staircase.  There, they disengaged and bolted down the stairs to the-

   _"…….basement.__  From there, you and Vaughn will and get to room AL-347.  From there, you need to break in, using the code device in the bottom of your shoe, __Sydney__.  There, in drawer-" Kilmer looked down at the 'community folder' and scanned down the page until he found it, "nope, it's not a drawer.  There's two master computers.  We need two things downloaded and in one of the drawers there-I'm assuming that there's drawers there, you need to swipe the manifest.  Off of the computer, we need the blueprints for Boccolina."  Kilmer had gotten off easy and simply wore a pair of jeans and a loose fitting button down shirt.  He had run a wash through his air and the black hair was now a gray that looked the most natural.  _

_   "A new state of the art defense system that was innovated by a German.  It has the capability to tap into any satellite and transfer all of its information to a super computer." __Sydney__ finished, glancing over her paper work.  She started to fuss with her clothes too a little bit, trying sit comfortably as humanly possible.  It was almost a laughing matter.  _

_"And while we're doing this, you'll be outside in the van checking up on what's going on with security." Vaughn finished.  "I don't understand why they need four of us to complete this mission."_

_"They don't.  It's only three of us but I understand your point.  It's because this is Covenant and they're afraid what they're going to do if they find out the CIA has infiltrated one of their safe-keeping places.  It's massive fear.  Trust me, they love working off of fear." Kilmer replied, sinking deep into his chair.  "Besides, we still have to complete the second half in a few days."_

_"One thing at a time, Robbie."__Madison__ corrected.  "It's going to be dangerous enough going in there.  Being CIA and going into a Covenant area is going to be incredibly dangerous. You  all need to be careful and make it home in one piece.  When you  come back here in four and a half hours, I want all of us back in one piece, got it?"_

_Sydney looked at the younger agent, playing with her baby, who was sitting straight up and playing with her toes, trying to get them into her mouth as quickly as possible.  Layla's blue eyes were sparkling brightly with the excitement and innocence that only a child could possess.  "I give you my word that I'll make sure that Kilmer is in one piece." __Sydney__ replied, leaning forward on her seat to play with the daughter.  "He has to get home to watch after this one."  She smiled broadly as she watched Layla lean forward and succeed in eating her big toe._

_"I have to be around.  Who else is going to beat all the boys that come knocking on our door?" Kilmer laughed and came behind Madison, squeezing her shoulders tightly.  __Madison__ looked over her shoulders and shot him a worried look._

Together, they bolted down the hallway.  Sydney's shoes beat against the cold tile.  She officially had shut down her personal sensor and was now only working.  Her mind focused on only one step after the next, one breath after the next, one movement after the next.  It was this type of linear thought process that kept her alive after so many near-death experiences.  It was what kept her alive during her stay as a captive or double agent, which ever you prefer to think, in the Covenant.  The hallway was much colder and a much different atmosphere than the club above them.  The music was still loud and pulsating through them but the hospital like halls were almost entirely different.      

They didn't have to worry about the alarm system.  Kilmer had cut that the moment he got into the club.  Vaughn ran, keeping up to pace with Sydney.  That was a feat in and of itself.  If you could keep up with the incredible Sydney Bristow, you knew you were in good shape.  But he kept in sync with her, glancing behind him every now and then to make sure no one was behind the pair.

Sydney started to silently curse her shoes.  They ached more with every step further she took.  But then the adrenaline kicked in and the pain disappeared.  "How do we look?  Anything on the radar?" She asked as they slowed down, glancing at every door to check the number on each door.  

"I-I don't know!" Kilmer started frantically over their comm. link.  There was a panic rising in his voice.

"What do you mean you don't know?  Is there or isn't there?" Vaughn snapped, glancing at one door and finding it not the one they needed.

"The heat sensing is picking up everyone in the club!" The emotion was almost blocking out the sense in his voice.  He was absolutely terrified.  "You're in there blind.  Go radio silent.  Good luck.  I'll see you at home."

Silence took the place of his voice through their ears.  Sydney stopped and placed her arm on Vaughn's for him to do the same.  She reached down to pull up her pant leg, and found her concealed weapon.  "We're in here blind.  We need to be more careful." She hushed her voice and together, they started to walk at a fervent pace to find room AL-347.  Sure enough, after checking two dozen rooms, they found it.  A small white door in the large white hallway with blacking lettering reading clear as day "AL-347."

  Sydney suppressed her smile and pulled off of her shoe.  In the heel, there was an electronic device that she placed on the metal door against the standard keypad that she had seen so many times before.  She was almost called by the gently beeping noise emitted by the lock door.  They were going to succeed.  Now maybe this idea of mental celebration was premature or maybe it was just her psyching herself up for the next part of the mission.

Whatever it was, it was too little too late.  

_"Vaughn?"_

_He looked away from the windows lining the limo that they were sitting in.  They were on their way to the nightclub.  "Yeah?"_

_She didn't know if she wanted to know this or not and wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to hear the answer to this.  "Last night, early this morning, whatever it was" she dismissed any notion with her hand but continued, "did you mean what you said?  About still-"_

_He moved a little closer to her and tried to her hand into his but she resisted.  She pulled her hand away and clasped it tightly in the other.  There was something was that burning in her eyes that he had never seen before, some sort of distrust, anger, resentment, that he had only seen when they discussed Arvin Sloane or her mother or even sometimes her father at certain points.  There was something that had changed in her.  She had become more jaded.  "But what about Lauren?  I mean, I don't want to be the other woman, Vaughn.  I can't do it.  But I don't know what to do anymore."_

_He looked away and studied some invisible speck of dust on the floor.  He swallowed back his emotions and for the first time truly confronted the demons that had been haunting him for a long time.  This was his tragic flaw…he didn't like to put himself under the magnified glass.  His father always warned him about it.  He had over analyzed himself as a child and much as a young adult.  Now it was time to face the music.  ."I'm just as confused as you are, Syd.  I don't know what do about my situation at home.  It's a mess but I think I owe it to you, to her, and to me to try to figure everything else before I do anything.  I don't know what I'm going to do yet."_


	10. For Better or For Worse

He opened his eyes slowly and felt the harsh lighting seep into his emerald eyes. It burned and stung like the most evil snake. He was on his back and felt sores and bruises along ever part of his very exposed skin. Pain shook him and he wasn't even sure if he was conscious. He blinked rapidly wishing the pain would go away. He had no idea where he was and wished he was anywhere but where he was. Something was wrong.  
  
"Hey." A gentle voice sung softly and a body, gentler than its voice sat down near his hand.  
  
His eyes fluttered again and he tried to adjust to see the woman, maybe girl, sitting nearby. The voice was no doubt feminine but he didn't recognize it. He had no idea what was going on anymore. He was lost, somewhat alone, and extremely, extremely confused. He opened his mouth to respond but found only a hoarse whisper, "Wh-where..." A coughing fit ensued and the figure leaned forward with a glass of icy water. She pressed it up to his lips and allowed water to trickle through his chapped lips.  
  
"Shh." She soothed softly, placing the glass down on the nearby nightstand. "I'm here now. It's okay. You gave us all quite a scare. But you're going to be okay." She leaned forward and brushed her hand around his face. The temperature had gone down, thank goodness. "No fever. That's good."  
  
"Wha-"he tried again but was shocked to only find a hoarse moan come from his throat. He felt the soft hands stroke his arm again and he tried hard to open his eyes but the snake bit him again. It hurt too bad. "Who?"  
  
"Michael...."  
  
And that's when everything clicked together. He started to piece together the puzzle that made his heart pound and every laceration started to ache. "Wha-"  
  
Lauren leaned forward and touched his face softly, "When I got the call, I thought I had lost you. Oh Michael, I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. I'm so happy you're alright." She pressed her lips gingerly against his forehead, squeezing her eyes shot.  
  
He cleared his throat and tried to regain his voice, "S-Sydney. Wh- where's Sydney?"  
  
Lauren, dressed in a pressed black business suit, sat back slightly. Her gray eyes stared at him and she bit down softly on the inside of her lip, "She's outside with Agent Kilmer and Perkins."  
  
He was getting his voice back more and more. That, or he was overcoming the adrenaline pushing through his veins. "I want to see her."  
  
"She's outside with Agent Kilmer and his family. She's content out there."  
  
"Get out." He hissed, still remembering what she had done to him. "I want to see her."  
  
She changed the topic almost immediately. "I don't understand why they think it's a good idea to keep that poor baby. I mean, they put their lives on the line everyday and then they put the baby in the middle of it all? What happens when they get discovered? What happens to the little girl?" She stood up and started to straighten out the bed linens that had fallen astray. Her hands glided over the white afghan, memorizing the thread pattern with her fingertips. She tossed part of it in the air to straighten it out and then allowed it to fall over his body. Her eyes avoiding his as she fussed about him.  
  
"What are you doing here?" He asked, attempting to sit up but promptly felt his wife's hands pressed down on his shoulders, easing him back down.  
  
"You stay." She replied.  
  
"Don't touch me. Get out." He asked again, wanting to bark but came out like a whisper.  
  
Lauren looked at him with a true look of disdain but she obeyed. Slowly, she got to her feet and walked to the door. "Sydney. He wants to see you." She took a glance at her husband, lying battered and bruised on the bed and then walked into the living area.  
  
Meanwhile, Sydney sitting on the worn couch with Kilmer on one side and Madison on the other. Sydney's head was resting on Kilmer's shoulder and his arm was wrapped around her, pulling her towards his chest. She was still feeling ill and was wishing that the dizziness would subside.  
  
"He's going to be alright." Madison said, trying to soothe Sydney. She finished wrapping up Sydney's leg and reached over to the coffee table to grab the ice pack. Madison worked to keep Sydney's wounds comfortable and clean as possible.  
  
"I know but I just hate this waiting game. I'm not good at it." She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to check herself. She licked her lips over a small laceration and took in a slow breath.  
  
Madison smiled and took her hands in her own, "Your hands are freezing. Do you want a blanket or gloves or a sweater or something?" She rubbed hands, trying to get the blood flowing once again.  
  
"I'm fine, Madison. Really." She shot her a weak smile.  
  
"For a spy, you're a horrible liar, Syd." Kilmer replied, giving her another tight squeeze, avoiding hurting her.  
  
Sydney sat up slightly and clasped her hands in her lap and decided to stare down intently at them, "It's just hard to sit here and do nothing. I hate it. I honestly do."  
  
And that's when Lauren called her into the bedroom. Sydney responded by pushing to her feet, still feeling slightly wobbly. Kilmer saw this and jumped to his feet too, stabilizing her with his arms. They stood there for a moment as Sydney fought to see straight. She shook her head back and forth quickly to try to clear her blurry eyes. "I'm okay, Kilmer. I can do this."  
  
But the former boyfriend wouldn't let her alone. He kept a tight grip around her waist as they walked to the bedroom. They walked slowly, one step at a time. They reached the bedroom door and Lauren walked out in the living area and collapsed down on the couch opposite Madison.  
  
"I can get it from here, Kilmer." Sydney whispered as they passed the threshold.  
  
"Let me help you, Sydney." He responded and helped her over to the bed. "Hey Vaughn."  
  
"Kilmer." Vaughn nodded as he watched Sydney sink onto the bed and Kilmer let go of his hold to her.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Kilmer stood up straight and stepped back a ways.  
  
"I've had better days." Vaughn admitted with that type of macho man smile that men use as a total defense.  
  
"I hear you, man. We've all been worried about you." Kilmer crossed his arms over his chest and looked from Sydney to Vaughn and back again. "I'll leave you two to talk. If you need me, I'll be right outside?" And with that, he backed away.  
  
"Close the door?" Vaughn called after him.  
  
Kilmer nodded a reply and shut the door firmly behind him.  
  
"What happened?" Vaughn pushed himself up with such force that he nearly knocked himself out in the process. "The last thing I remember is walking through that door and then everything went black and I wake up here with Lauren standing over me? Since when is it policy to report injuries? How did she get here so fast? How long have I been unconscious?"  
  
Sydney settled down on the bed and placed her hand on his arm, "You're starting to ask questions like me. One at a time."  
  
"Fine." He relented.  
  
She took in a slow inhale and pushed the air out of her lungs just as slowly, "First of all, lie back down." Vaughn obeyed and stared up at her with wide eyes. "Okay...  
  
FLASHBACK......  
  
The music was pumping loudly in their ears. Together, they bolted down the hallway. Sydney's shoes beat against the cold tile. She officially had shut down her personal sensor and was now only working. Her mind focused on only one step after the next, one breath after the next, one movement after the next. It was this type of linear thought process that kept her alive after so many near-death experiences. It was what kept her alive during her stay as a captive or double agent, which ever you prefer to think, in the Covenant. The hallway was much colder and a much different atmosphere than the club above them. The music was still loud and pulsating through them but the hospital like halls were almost entirely different.  
  
They didn't have to worry about the alarm system. Kilmer had cut that the moment he got into the club. Vaughn ran, keeping up to pace with Sydney. That was a feat in and of itself. If you could keep up with the incredible Sydney Bristow, you knew you were in good shape. But he kept in sync with her, glancing behind him every now and then to make sure no one was behind the pair.  
  
Sydney started to silently curse her shoes. They ached more with every step further she took. But then the adrenaline kicked in and the pain disappeared. "How do we look? Anything on the radar?" She asked as they slowed down, glancing at every door to check the number on each door.  
  
"I-I don't know!" Kilmer started frantically over their comm. link. There was a panic rising in his voice.  
  
"What do you mean you don't know? Is there or isn't there?" Vaughn snapped, glancing at one door and finding it not the one they needed.  
  
"The heat sensing is picking up everyone in the club!" The emotion was almost blocking out the sense in his voice. He was absolutely terrified. "You're in there blind. Go radio silent. Good luck. I'll see you at home."  
  
Silence took the place of his voice through their ears. Sydney stopped and placed her arm on Vaughn's for him to do the same. She reached down to pull up her pant leg, and found her concealed weapon. "We're in here blind. We need to be more careful." She hushed her voice and together, they started to walk at a fervent pace to find room AL-347. Sure enough, after checking two dozen rooms, they found it. A small white door in the large white hallway with blacking lettering reading clear as day "AL-347."  
  
Sydney suppressed her smile and pulled off of her shoe. In the heel, there was an electronic device that she placed on the metal door against the standard keypad that she had seen so many times before. She was almost called by the gently beeping noise emitted by the lock door. They were going to succeed. Now maybe this idea of mental celebration was premature or maybe it was just her psyching herself up for the next part of the mission.  
  
Whatever it was, it was too little too late.  
  
There was a sequence of numbers that flashed and ran through a list of a dozen numbers. She glanced down the hallway and back to the device. Vaughn stood, guarding her back and glancing down each side of the hallway. Silently, they both urged the device to work faster. They hated going in blind and it would have been so much easier if they weren't.  
  
"So much for advanced technology." Vaughn spoke in a hushed voice.  
  
She laughed lightly as she steadied her hand beneath the small computer, "Sometimes low tech is the best way to go. Welcome to doing this the old fashioned way." A sly grin crossed over her face.  
  
A soft vibrating spread through her fingertips as the code was broken and they were granted access into the forbidden room. Sydney pulled the device away and stored it back on her shoe. Before entering, she checked adjusted the weight of the gun in her hand and opened the door slowly. Vaughn pulled his gun too and followed, still guarding. They entered the room, dark. Their eyes adjusted slowly to the lighting and it was Vaughn that groped around for a light switch and found it.  
  
Bright light showered the sterile looking white room. It was bare with the exception of a few lockers, that resembled kennel cages with strict locks on them. One long white table lined the back wall but none of that really mattered. What did was the four guards standing with their guns raised. They were dressed head to toe in black with their faces partially covered with masks, similar to the masks that Sydney and Vaughn had worn during the take-down of SD-6.  
  
"Drop your weapons!" One of the guards barked as soon as they registered the two other agents had guns.  
  
Sydney shot one tentative look to Vaughn and complied. Her gun hit the floor was a loud THUMP quickly followed by Vaughn's.  
  
"Hands on her head! On your knees!" The guards barked again. Vaughn and Sydney obeyed, resting on their knees hard. One of the guards came forward and tied Sydney up. There was no way to escape this. Another guard came forward to tie Vaughn. Neither one of them could make their move. The third and fourth guard kept their weapons aimed on the two captives. White plastic twist ties were bound tightly so that they couldn't move. They didn't know what was going to happen but when a guard came forward, they knew exactly what they were in for. One guard came forward and without so much as a slow breath, he delivered a swift kick to Vaughn's side, sending him crashing down to one side, with a groan. He continued to assault him, landing kicks and punches everywhere. A definite crack sounded through the air as bones started to break and shatter within his skin.  
  
Sydney watched in horror as she watched him being assaulted. She knew better than to cry out for them to stop. It would only mean their attacks would become worse and maybe one of them would shoot their silver guns. A low groan was emitted from Vaughn as he curled together near Sydney. She wanted to shift closer and comfort him but knew it would only be suicide. She felt a warm liquid pool near her ankle and knew that it was his blood. Her brown eyes drifted down to his body and then back up at the four guards, who were now standing closer than ever to them. She felt a surge of panic and didn't know whether or not they were going to attack her or attack him further or kill them or what. It was just a massive area of misunderstanding. Part of her wanted to plead with them for their lives but almost knew that, that would never work.  
  
Well, Sydney was right and wrong. They came closer to the two bound agents and just started beating them. Their heavy black boots seemed to be everywhere and their fists flying just as furious. She blacked out at one point. The pain was just to great.  
  
Later she woke up in the safe house. Kilmer and Madison had been doting over her during her time of unconsciousness. They had cleaned her many lacerations and set her numerous broken bones as they filled in the missing pieces.  
  
The guards continued to assault them until they both passed out. Blood was seeping from both of them but the guards started to smile satisfactorily. "What do you want us to do with them now, boss?" One of the guards called in over the radio.  
  
"Get Jonathan Ross down there and he'll know how to deal with them." A cryptic voice came over the communicator.  
  
"But how will we know what he looks like? We've never seen him before." The guard replied, rolling his eyes out of aggravation.  
  
"He'll be sitting at the bar drinking a gray goose martini." The voice now sounded more irritated. "We went over this before you left! I can't believe you're this-"  
  
"We've got it boss!" The guard almost yelled.  
  
"Make sure you change out of those disgusting clothes you're wearing. I don't want anyone upstairs knowing what's going on. Got it?"  
  
"Got it." The guard replied before sticking the radio in the pocket of his pants.  
  
Kilmer, meanwhile, had picked up all of this. He had been sitting in the truck, watching everything on computer screens. "Maddie, did you hear that?"  
  
"Yes. Are you going in?" Madison replied from the safety of the kitchen table.  
  
"I have to, Maddie. Gray goose martini, right?"  
  
"That's what he said, yeah. Be careful, darling." Madison replied.  
  
"I always am." He threw the headset off of his head and checked the clip on his gun. 


	11. Just Keep Breathing

Kilmer checked the clip in his gun and replaced it in the shoulder holster. Grabbing an old jacket, he locked up the van. He doubled checked everything and kept repeating "gray goose martini" over and over in his mind. He was absolutely paranoid that he would forget it. He silently filed into the line of people wanting to get into a club.  
  
"I've never seen you around here before." A woman standing in front of him turned around and cocked her head to the side. "You've ever been?" Her voice was thick with a Russian accent and spoken only in slightly broken English. She pulled her coat, a long white silk one, back as she placed her hands on her hips.  
  
"No, I've never been." He matched her accent, smiling at her.  
  
"I'm alright."  
  
"Oh you're married." The girl stepped back a ways and stared at him. "I'm so sorry. You could have had this."  
  
"Yeah." He looked away and urged to people to move faster. As he did, the line started to move faster. He pushed his way through and ran down the spiral staircase. He knew he was racing against the clock and it would be only a matter of minutes before the guards came to find 'Mr. Ross.' His heart pounded madly in his chest as he fought against the crowds. The music was loud and overwhelming, replacing his own thoughts with the lyrics of the song. Gray goose martini. He was so tempted to scream, "Everybody freeze! CIA!" But that was a death warrant. Suicide. He fought his way towards the bar, stepping over men and women alike, passed out from too much alcohol or drugs. Finally, he made his way towards the bar.  
  
A beautiful woman bartender looked towards him and smiled through her teeth, "What can I do for you tonight?"  
  
He never spoke so loudly in his life, "Dry gray goose martini."  
  
"Music a little loud for you, Mr....?" the bartender grinned and started to mix the drink in front of him. Her blue eyes watched him nod and scanned his face.  
  
"Ross. Jonathan Ross." He yelled again and started to look around the bar. How would he know what these people would look like? There were so many people there and there were so many things that could go wrong with this. He wished these men would appear and he could get this over with.  
  
"Well, here you go, Jonathan. One dry goose martini."  
  
And oh, how prayers are answered! "Good evening, Mr. Ross." A man from behind Kilmer spoke rather gruffly.  
  
"Good evening." Kilmer turned with his martini in hand and downed it quickly.  
  
"I'm assuming you know what this is about." The man crossed his arms over his black t-shirt and looked Kilmer up and down suspiciously.  
  
"Of course. You think I'm an idiot!" Kilmer barked and threw his glass down on the bar, almost shattering it in the process.  
  
The man turned on his heels and started down towards the basement. As soon as they passed the dance floor, they entered a white sterile looking hallway, "You know," the man started in accented English, "they told me you were from America and here you are with Russian accent." The man turned with his knife raised and pushed Kilmer up against the wall. Kilmer stood in shock and felt his head be knocked back against concrete.  
  
"What do you think you're doing? You honestly think that I would sit in that horrible place as myself? What are you on? Geez man, let go of me!" Kilmer pushed against the guard's arm to give him some breathing room against the glittering silver knife. "Let go of me!"  
  
"I don't understand you. Crazy American!" The guard removed the knife and stepped back. "Anything else I should know about you?"  
  
"Let me be the judge of that." Kilmer replied as he straightened his clothes out. "Let's get going, alright? G-d man." He waited for the guard to stop gapping at him and to turn towards the room where his two peers were being beaten as they stood there.  
  
"Yes, sir." The guard relented and started to walk down the hallway at a fast pace. Kilmer begged their feet to go faster and he was lost again in the thoughts that were circling through the music that still echoed through the sterile hallway. "This is it."  
  
Kilmer stopped about a yard behind him and looked towards the door, "I'll meet you at the assignment rendezvous point at the assigned time-not a moment sooner, got it? If I see as much as one other person, I'll kill anyone that crosses my path. Be sure to get that message loud and clear across alright?"  
  
"Yes, sir." And with that, the guard disappeared down the long hallway.  
  
Kilmer kicked the door open and found two guards standing over the bodies of his colleagues, "Nice you of to start with party without me." He placed his hands on his hips and looked at the two bodies and back at the guards, who had their weapons drawn at him, "Get out." Neither one of them moved. "Get out!" The two guards looked at each other and then back at Kilmer, "I have my orders to kill anyone that gives me trouble. Do you want to mess with my boss?"  
  
"Mess with the Covenant? What are you crazy?" One of the guards yelped. And so, they bolted out of the room like bats out of hell.  
  
Kilmer turned and watched both of them leave before kneeling down next to the two bodies. He reached into his rear pocket and pulled a knife to cut the plastic bands. "Located Mountaineer and Boy Scout, Tiger-eye."  
  
"Copy, Silver Fox." Madison replied.  
  
He started to check out each of their conditions, starting with Sydney. "Mountaineer has multiple lacerations, possible broken clavicle, definite fractured left ankle and severe blood loss."  
  
"Copy, Silver Fox." Madison repeated again as she furiously typed the information into their master computer. She knew she would have to obtain information and supplies by the time Kilmer got back with Sydney and Vaughn to treat their injuries. The clock was ticking and they were off to the races. "What's Boy Scout's status?"  
  
"He's definitely in worse shape. We're looking at broken ribs, tib- fib fracture on his left side, major contusions and lacerations to face and all extremities," he rolled Vaughn over slightly to his back as he continued to evaluate, "oh shit." He swore as he found a large laceration about seven inches long along his rib cage.  
  
"Talk to me, Silver Fox."  
  
"We're looking at a possibly collapsed lung." He pressed his ear up to Vaughn's mouth to see if he was breathing, "Tiger-eye, he's barely moving air."  
  
"If you just get them out of there, we repair all their injuries. Call one of the guards back and instruct them to bring them to your van- when you get there, knock the guard out. You are working on limited time. You need to move-now!" Madison jumped up from her computer on the kitchen table and to a nearby closet. She started to rummage around for medical supplies. She found piles of white flannel blankets and pre-packaged medical kits. She rushed to the living room and made up one couch into a triage center, setting down three or four blankets with a full medical kit on the coffee table. She then bolted to the guest bedroom and stripped the sheets off in such a furious manner that she almost upset the headset off her head. She continued to make up the bed and hope that Kilmer would get out of there safely. "What's your ETA, Silver Fox?"  
  
"Approximately 15-20 minutes."  
  
She started to fumble around with a medical kit and found an eyedropper full of a yellowish liquid. She rushed into the living room and found Layla sitting playing with a stuffed bear sitting by her feet. Madison hunkered down and placed the eyedropper into her daughter's mouth. "I know. I know." She hushed as her baby girl started to fuss at the vile tasting liquid. "But we need to keep you quiet while all the fuss is going on. I know, I'm so sorry baby."  
  
Kilmer pushed out into the hallway. There, just as he expected, was one of the guards. "You!"  
  
"Yes, sir?" The guard came towards him and stood at full stance.  
  
"I need to take these two out of here. There's going to be too much blood and too much noise for us to stay down here." Kilmer retorted and he opened the door to the room. The guard obeyed his order and lifted Vaughn's body practically effortlessly. Kilmer followed by lifting Sydney's delicate form into his arms and adjusted it slightly. "Follow me." They burst from the room and down the sterile hallway. His mind was racing with how exactly he was going to pull this off. They would have to get to the street level and right before they emerged into the public's view, the guard would have to be knocked out without injuring Vaughn or Sydney further. Together, the two men fought to walk against the music, avoiding the bass line becoming their heartbeats. But the guard had no idea what was going on. As far as he knew, this was Jonathan Ross, the hit man hired by the Covenant.  
  
Kilmer's plan was successful and didn't even encounter another guard on the way. They reached a back entrance and just as he had planned, Kilmer knocked the man out cold as soon as he opened the door to expose them to the cold night air. He booked it to the van with Sydney still in his arms and brought the car around to pick of Vaughn. It was a risky maneuver, sure, but he was only gone about thirty seconds. "Tiger-eye, Silver Fox on its way home." He pressed down hard on the gas petal and set shooting off back towards home, catching glances every now and then to the emptied back seat where Vaughn and Sydney were lying, almost dying. He had no idea what was going on in the bar when the real Jonathan Ross showed up with his girlfriend in toe.  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
"But I don't understand." Vaughn stared up at Sydney as she concluded with the story of their rescue. Things were adding up. "Kilmer told you that the man he was imitating was named Jonathan Ross and he was Covenant?"  
  
She nodded her head in agreement with the confusion. "It's that much of a coincidence that their names are the same." She knew exactly what he was thinking and started to pray that he wouldn't get excited about this. Yeah, like that would ever happen.  
  
The wheels in his head started to turn and he wasn't liking the answers that he was getting, "That means that Lauren and he-"  
  
"I know." Sydney rubbed her hands along his muscular arms, trying to soothe him. If he started to be all riled up, then he would be jumping out of that bed faster than she could sedate him.  
  
Vaughn reached for her hand and held it tightly in his, "Sydney." He breathed with terror filling him from the inside out. "This whole thing was a set-up. It had to have been. Look at this. They start having an affair together," he started to set up his story with a bitter taste rising in his mouth.  
  
"Vaughn, don't do this now."  
  
"Sydney."  
  
"Really, don't."  
  
He reached up with his other hand and pulled her closer, "Sydney." He breathed and stared up into her eyes with the worse type of fear that she had ever seen in his beautiful green eyes. "You need to watch her around Kilmer and Madison and Layla. Watch her every move or get her out of here or both. Watch her, Syd. Swear to me! Promise me!" He whispered and pulled her closer so that he barely had to utter a word, just move his lips.  
  
"I promise. I promise." She gripped his hand tightly. His eyes adjusted slightly as his brain registered the information. His breathing calm slightly. She took her other hand and brushed her hand along his jaw line. "I give you my word that everything will work out."  
  
"If something happens to me-"  
  
"Vaughn." She pleaded softly.  
  
"If something happens to me, make sure that something happens to Lauren too. Put the screws on tight, Syd."  
  
"I will." She kept her hand on the side of his face and gazed into his eyes lovingly. "I will do anything for you, Vaughn. I love you." She pressed her lips against his forehead and then pulled away. "Get some sleep, okay? I'll be in to check on you." She pulled her body back and tried to get to her feet. But her shaky body refused to obey. She couldn't let Vaughn know that there was a man out there with Lauren, who refused to utter his name to the rest of the world. She had a gut instinct that it was that man, that it was Jonathan but she had no proof. Besides, her body was too weak and her head too heavy to think very logically. She started to cough violently and as she brought her hand up to her mouth, she felt something smooth and slick come from the bottom of her throat.  
  
Vaughn's eyes had fluttered shut, "I'm so sorry, Syd. I'm tired. So tired." He drifted out of consciousness as Sydney continued to cough up blood. She pulled her hand always from her mouth and was horrified at the sight seeping over her hands.  
  
Meanwhile, the rest of the group of people were sitting in the living room, exchanging blank glances at each other. Kilmer had regained his spot on the couch next to Madison, with their hands firmly clasped near each other. Layla had awoken from her nap somewhere in the middle of this and was an extremely groggy and annoyed that her mother had just drugged her. Kilmer had taken his parental duties and rocked her back and forth to childe her cries. Lauren stood with her back to the room by the fire, attempting to warm her hands by the fire. But there was a fourth person in the room and he had barely said two words his entire stay in the safe house. When Lauren had been whisked in from wherever she came from, he was standing right behind her. That was another thing. She had come in nearly record time, claiming that she was in Zurich in a meeting.  
  
"I'm sorry; I didn't catch your name before all of this chaos." Madison spoke up suddenly, directing her attention to the man standing near the window and examining the decrepit curtains.  
  
The man looked away from the decrepit looking curtains and looked towards Madison, "I'm sorry. I'm Jonathan Ross. I work with Lauren at the NSC." He came forward and shook Madison's hand firmly. He turned to shake Kilmer's with a firm shake.  
  
"Robert Kilmer." Kilmer shook Jonathan's hand firmly and watched him sit down next Lauren. Feeling slightly cynical, he adjusted Layla's weight in his arms causing her to pipe up. "Hey uh, Maddie, you want to help me get put Layla down? She's getting fussy again. If you two will excuse us?" Kilmer looked to the two other agents in the room. Kilmer got to his feet and patted Layla's bottom lovingly. "Maddie?" He walked into the spare bedroom with his girlfriend and partner at his heels. He watched her anxiously shut the door behind her. "Lock it." She shot him a quizzical look but obeyed. He waited for a moment while she dead bolted the door and turned back to him, "Jonathan Ross? There's no way in hell that this is a coincidence. We need to disarm him immediately. We have a Covenant hit- man in our mists."  
  
"I'll go let Sydney know what's going on." She turned to leave but she felt an arm on her shoulder.  
  
"You don't think that Lauren-"  
  
"I'm going to ask Sydney if she knows anything. Hopefully, she'll have some intel. for us. Be careful around them, okay? Put Layla down and lock the door. Don't give them any intel about the house. Let's get the office on the phone. We can do this, Kilmer."  
  
"We've just entered a war in our own home." Kilmer responded as he placed Layla down in her crib. 


	12. War At Home

"So how exactly how are we going to pull this off?" Kilmer asked as he set his darling daughter onto her pink blanket in the white painted crib. "We can't alert them to us knowing." He felt his brow knitting up and sweat start to pool beneath his scalp. He looked at his girlfriend, who mirrored his emotions but managed to keep it less severe.  
  
Madison swallowed hard and raised her chin up slightly. There was a definite change in her posture as she snapped into her professional mode. "We can do this, Robbie. We just need to keep Layla out of this. Do you want me to call up Anastasia and get her to watch her? I'm just so afraid- " She was a mother first, an agent second. The safety of her daughter remained her top priority.  
  
"We're going to have to this quietly, Maddie. It's going to be really tough but we can do this. We're going back to our roots." He tried to laugh lightly at the joke he was lamely making. It had been a long time since they had really had a life-threatening mission. Sure, they had been on missions since Layla's birth but nothing to this magnitude. Nothing ever put Layla's life in danger. He crouched over the crib again and looked at his daughter and touched her face her softly. Her skin was so soft beneath his fingertips and he fell in love with her all over again.  
  
Madison joined him by the side of the crib and leaned over. Her eyes glanced back and forth between her boyfriend and her daughter. "This is the most dangerous stunt we've ever had to pull, Robbie. I mean, I know we have to-"  
  
He looked at her harshly, "We can't even debate it! Right now, there's a man out there that was sent to kill Sydney and-"He stood up right suddenly and grabbed his gun from beneath the crib. They kept their extra pieces taped beneath the bars. He grabbed his piece and handed Madison's hers.  
  
"What? Robbie, what is it?" She took her gun in her hand and concealed it beneath her long sweater. "What are you thinking?"  
  
Kilmer had made his way towards the door and looked at her, "That man Jonathan Ross is Covenant and he was sent to kill Sydney and Vaughn, right? We just left a hit-man alone with his targets." Pressing his finger to his lip, he silenced her. With the utmost caution, he unlocked the door and slowly pulled it open and entered the living room.  
  
***********  
  
Jonathan watched the bedroom door shut before turning back to Lauren. He pressed his lips up to her ear and whispered, "I think we've been made, baby." He let a trail of kisses around her jaw line and then looked her in the eyes. He held her hands tightly in his and looked at her with a small ounce of concern in his eyes. Jonathan rarely got concerned over anything. This had to be bad if he was this upset.  
  
She puckered her lips out of slight disappointment of the broken contact. She had this thing about stopping things she loved. But, she quickly settled down to business, refusing to let her feathers get ruffled by this one minute detail. "There's another safe house nearby we can stay at." She looked him in the eye but broke the contact to glance at the door, "Don't you think it's going to be more suspicious if we just get up and leave?"  
  
"Lauren." He raised his eyebrows in a scolding manner. He was obviously getting upset with her but didn't want to show it.  
  
He was so sexy was he was upset but she decided to save those thoughts for later. She chose, instead, to raise her dark eyebrow in an aggravated form and went through the pages of her logical thinking. "Kilmer and Perkins are going to come back in here and realize that we're not here. It's safer to stay here and just hash it out. This is sure bet that we can eliminate Michael and Sydney. Why are we going to put that in jeopardy? They're both already weak!" She hissed, barely above a whisper.  
  
"Why are you second guessing me all of a sudden? You never have before." He snapped angrily, showing his flaring temper that could rise and fall like a Phoenix's tail.  
  
She could match him and go punch for punch, "Give me solid reason why I shouldn't be second guessing you. Why-"She was promptly cut off by Jonathan pressing his lips to hers, silencing her any attempt to further conversation.  
  
He leaned back and smiled that coy, cunning smile, "The reason why you trust is because you love me. The reason why you trust is because you're going to marry me." He took her left hand in his and laid a kiss on her ring finger, emitting a soft giggle from her chest.  
  
She quickly stood up and grinned equally as wicked. Life was wonderful when she did things like this. She was a good girl through and through but when a good girl goes bad, she goes bad. Jonathan pulled himself to his feet. She brushed her lips against his. "Are you armed?"  
  
"Am I? Am I?" He joked laughingly. He was always carrying some sort of weapon with him at all times, even to bed.  
  
"Take that as a yes." She pulled his hand and started to make their way towards the door, hoping they would make it out in time. This was the new part she loved of being a double agent. It was that adrenaline rush that she used to get when she was a rookie but had long since worn out. But when she was with Jonathan, everything came back. The old thrills and chills running through her spine were enough to send a grown girl into a fit of the giggles. She never felt more alive than when she was around him. There was something about him that completely captivated her and she never wanted to be without him ever.  
  
They raced to the door and shut it firmly behind them but were cautious enough not to slam. They raced down the old creaky steps and bolted down to the streets of Odessa. The cold air assaulted their barely cloaked bodies and Lauren pulled her body closer to his. "Confirmation 3940-48385-38583. Password Rising Sun." Lauren pulled out her cell phone and rambled quickly. Jonathan loosened his embrace on her and stepped out off of the curb to hail a cab.  
  
"Confirmation approved, Mockingbird. Proceed." A rather robotic sounding female voice answered.  
  
Lauren snapped her phone shut as Jonathan ushered her into a newly found cab, "We're in." She sat back against the uncomfortable black seat. She crossed her legs over the other and threw her arm over the back. She propped her other arm on the elbow and cocked her wrist with flare and attitude. With a glance and seductive glare, she hoarsely whispered, "We can still do it."  
  
*******************************  
  
Sydney was still coughing heavily as she fought to get to her feet. There was now a smear of blood across her mouth and her mouth filled with it every time she coughed. Her two feet landed on the floor soundly and using the bed, she pushed herself to stand upright. Once there, she swayed slightly put managed to propel her body to move forward. With stiff knee, she pushed one leg forward and then the other. One step became two and three soon four. But somewhere along the way, her knees began to cave. She willed her body to keep going but her eyes shut for a split moment and the next thing she knew, her body came into cold contact with the floor.  
  
She gasped for air loudly as all the air was knocked from her lungs. A film of dust had stuck to the side of her face that had hit the floor. With her injured arms, she pushed her body up and if she was anyone else, she would have cried. But the emotions stayed suppressed and the only thing she could think of was getting to the door. There, Kilmer could sweep in her into his arms and make the cruel injustices of the world disappear. She knew she shouldn't have been having some of those thoughts in the back of her mind. He was practically a married man and he disappeared on her so long ago.  
  
A soft groan resonated in the back of her throat. Then why was she having these thoughts about him? She remembered the warmth from his muscular arms and their massive strength. She was reminded of the softness of his touch and the gentle feel of his lips. As she desperately tried to pull herself into the sanctity of the living, she tried so hard to push those feelings away.  
  
Was it possible to be in love with two men at the same time but not allowed to be in love with either of them? She would always love Kilmer. He was one of those loves that grew slowly from out of nowhere, really. He died and it was a kick in the stomach and she carried that around with her for a long time. She felt so responsible for his death and vowed never to be truly over it. But then there was Danny and a year after his death, Vaughn. She knew she would always love all the men in her life but something about Vaughn would forever set him apart. There was something soft and mysterious about him. The way he moved, the way he smiled, the way he acted, everything just drew her in closer and closer to falling for him completely and totally again.  
  
Her arms started to shake violently and she found herself connecting face first with the floor again. But this time, she stayed there for a moment. She needed to get her thoughts together. This was a definite habit she was getting into. Whenever she was seriously injured, her mind drifted to places that it shouldn't and it just made things more confusing when she healed. She would obsess on little things but over time as she got further and further into the job, the obsessive topics became greater and greater. She licked her lips, tasting the tart taste of blood on her lips. 


	13. You Must Love Me

            Song: "You Must Love Me" by Madonna from the Broadway musical "Evita"

            "On the count of three." Kilmer mouthed as he stepped towards the door, gun aimed at the door.  Madison stood behind him, her heart started to pound loudly in her chest.  Her eyes gazed back to her sleeping daughter and started to pray that she would stay safe during this whole ordeal.  But she replied with a simple head nod and straightened her arm in reflex.  

            Kilmer swallowed hard and inhaled, removing one hand to push open the door.  His heart was pounding out of control.  He had never felt like this before when dealing with counter-intelligence agents.  That's how he had to prefer to think of Lauren and that Jonathan Ross character.  They were counter-intelligence.  His brain flashed with information or lack thereof.  He knew very little intel about Lauren, only that she was Vaughn's wife.  There was something uneasy that he sensed about her and something ever more about her relationship with Sydney.  He knew next to nothing about Jonathan and hated that more than anything.  He only knew that Jonathan was Covenant and sent to kill Sydney and Vaughn.  But that was it.  That was all he knew.   He liked to know whom he was fighting, at least most of the time.  

            He pushed the door open and crept out into the room.  It was empty.  He stepped further, searching ever corner with Madison guarding at his heels.  Every ounce turned up empty.  But something in his gut was bothering him.  What if Jonathan and Lauren got to Sydney and Vaughn before they did? He lurched forward slightly and grasped the doorknob firmly in his hand.

*****

            With all her energy, she tried to push her body up right but the multiple lacerations sent her crashing back down to the cool hardwood floors. Sweat started to from near her brow line and trickle down her face.  Unintentionally, she groaned in pain and her face went trembling down.  Dust and dirt clung to the perspiration near her jaw line.  She willed for the adrenaline to course through her veins and allow her to just reach the door.  There, she could, she would push the heavy door open and spill out into the living room.  There, they would hear her desperate shouts for help and would more than likely come running.

            But lying face down, all she could do was envision herself reaching it those few more meters.  Her eyes fluttered against the shooting pain etching through her body.  Every fiber of her ached with every inhalation.  Flat on her stomach, she tried once more to push up to all fours and crawl towards the door.  She was sent crashing down again.

            She started to lose her grip on consciousness as her she found her mind being overtaken by dreams of what could have been or what still could be.  He could take her away from this life full of secrets and lies.  There would be no more pretending.  She could be herself once again and leave the underground world of espionage behind.  She could leave with the sharp edge of her soul intact.  But for now, she could barely raise her body off of the ground.

            She gritted her teeth tightly to mute the yelp that ensued as she tried to pull her body again.  She adjusted her bite and chomped down hard on the inside of her cheek.  Almost instantly, she drew blood.  But the sticky, thick taste had no affect on her. Without giving into the pain, she straightened her arms beneath her and lifted her trunk until it was perpendicular to the floor. Screaming inside her head, she managed to pull her knees up beneath her.  Her shaky body attempted to steady itself and gasped unintentionally as she rested on a laceration across her knee.  

            Sydney blacked out everything else going on in her mind and focused on making to that door.  If she just got to the door, everything would be all right.  She crawled, inch by inch, and after agonizing moments, she was in arms reach.  She reached up and grasped the doorknob weakly in her grasp.  With no energy, she started to turn it slowly.

*****

            Kilmer turned the knob and with somewhat force, he pushed the door in.  But what he didn't expect was there to be someone being knocked over by the force.  The small amount of force he used to open the door was enough to send Sydney flailing back.  His eyes and brain refused to register the information at the same time.  It was one of the detriments to being in the business for so long.  He looked around the room cautiously for a moment, wondering if Jonathan and Ross were still in there.  Seeing it was empty besides the two fallen agents, Kilmer tucked his gun away knelt down beside her.  He instantly supported her head in his hands, "Sydney?  Sydney?"

            "Kilmer." She sighed happily, so relieved that he had finally found her.  She tried to reach up and touch his face.  She never thought he would come or ever find her.  Part of her was convinced that she was never going to reach the door and she would never be found.  Tears of pain started to rush to her eyes.  She had no idea what was going on.  She no longer knew where she was or what was going on.  She just knew that she had this indescribable pain rushing through her chest and her head.  It was pounding and made the rest of the world go blurry.  She had no idea what time it was or what was going on.  She forgot all about Vaughn and her injuries.  Her mind was nothing more than a blurry whirlwind.  

            Kilmer hunched down over her and started to exam her, checking the pupils of her eyes and feeling the pulse on the side of her neck.  Meanwhile, Madison was checking the rest of the room and moved out to the rest of the apartment, "Robbie, they're headed outside!"

            "Maddie, get me the first aid kit?  We're gonna need it.  Worry about Lauren and the man later.  We have to get her taken of first."  He started to feel those old feelings return to him.  And he wished more than ever that they would go away.  He loved Madison. He loved being in love with Madison.  He had never been as happy as when he was with her and even happier that they had a child together.  But this was all when he thought Sydney was dead.  He never stopped carrying those feelings about her…even when he was with Madison.   Nevertheless, here he was. He had the love of his life standing beside him and his former love in his arms.        

            "No!  We have to go after them!  Robbie, let's go!" She grabbed his arm and tried to pull him from his feet.

            "No, we need to make sure that she's okay!" He argued back, pulling his arm back from her hands.  

            "We have two international terrorists roaming the streets of Odessa and you want to stay and make sure that she's okay?  She's breathing and she has a heart beat!" She paused for a moment and wondered if he was going to listen to her.  "Alright-fine!  I'm going after them!" Madison bolted from the apartment, not bothering to hear Kilmer's adamant objections.  He just heard the door slam.  

            He sighed ruefully, a little annoyed that his partner disobeyed him.  He turned back and hunched over her, surveying her wounds.  "Tell me where it hurts, baby."  His lips treaded over her face.  "C'mon, baby.  Just tell me."  

_Where do we go from here?  
This isn't where we intended to be  
We had it all, you believed in me  
I believed in you  
  
_

            She groaned and adjusted her weight slightly in her arms, "You never call me baby…always…."  Her voice was low and raspy.  It obviously hurt to talk.  

            The wheels in his head started to turning.  Something in him clicked and he did the one thing she had asked him in hysterics not to do.  "Tell me where it hurts, sweet pea." He persisted again, taking her hand into his.  She didn't respond and he had to make a decision.  Rolling up to his haunches, he snuck his arms beneath her rattled form and so not to wake the sleeping Vaughn, he lifted her.

            "Kilmer." She groaned again, burying her head in his chest.  She started to sob sans tears and it was more or less her heaving dry gasps of air into his chest.    

_Certainties disappear  
What do we do for our dream to survive?  
How do we keep all our passions alive,  
As we used to do?  
  
_

            "I'm right here."  He rubbed his palm along her back as she pulled her body closer to his.

            "Don't let anything happen to me.  Please." She was losing a grip on reality and she started to regress into a state of the past.  Kilmer and Sydney met when she was not as strong as she was that day.  She had a different style, different personality.   

            "I won't.  I promise." He tightened his grip on her and slowly made his way to the living room.  There, he set her down gingerly on the couch.  He sat down on the floor next to her and stroked her hair gently.  

_Deep in my heart I'm concealing  
Things that I'm longing to say  
Scared to confess what I'm feeling  
Frightened you'll slip away  
  
_

            She closed her eyes and felt pressure build up in her body.  She was so tired and her body felt so weak. "I can't let you go through this alone.  It's too dangerous."  This sent her into a coughing fit that revealed a thin layer of blood across her lips.  She was bleeding internally somewhere but he didn't have enough medical training to tell him where.  And she was suffering.

            "Try not to talk." He whispered, pressing his hand on top of hers.  With his other hand, he searched around for the medical kit that he was sure was somewhere.  He knew it was out here somewhere and-a-ha!  His fingers found the cool white metal case and pulled it towards his body.  "We'll get you fixed up in no time."  His fingers worked to undo the latch and fling it open.  Working hard, he found a piece of gauze, recognizing the careful twill of it.  He brought the gauze up to her lips and padded away the blood.  "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

            She brushed his hand away and turned her doe eyes towards him, "I can't let you go to Prague by yourself. Kilmer, you'll be trapped.  It's a trap." She started to get choked up.    

            "Sydney." He raised his eyebrows and tried to soothe her fears.  He remembered that mission.  It was a simple one but there had been a lot of turmoil within SD-6 and K-Directorate.  They were competing against each other more than ever and two and a half weeks prior, an agent by the name of Charlotte Nacarzia had been killed.  "We made it through the mission.  We were fine."

            She didn't seem to hear him.  "Please, baby.  I want you to promise me-swear to me!  Promise me you'll be safe." She started to plead, the tears choking her words.  She fought to cough again but managed to suppress it, "Kilmer, I love you. I don't want anything to happen to you."

            "I love you, too." His heart was breaking at the sight of her.  He hated that she was still with the Agency and seeing her just made it hurt that much more.  He remembered the day they met like it was yesterday.  He remembered their first mission, their first date, their first kiss.  Every memory was an imprint in his mind and he relished in those.  

_You must love me  
You must love me  
Why are you at my side?  
How can I be any use to you now?  
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how  
Nothing has changed  
  
_

            "Just make this go away." She moaned again, feeling the pain overtake her body.  Her free hand reached up to touch his face.  "Just make it go away."

            He leaned into her open palm and closed his eyes.  "I wish I could, sweet pea.  I know it hurts.  I know.  I wish I could take you away from all of this."  He sat up on the couch and leaned over her.  His fingertips stroked her cheek softly and he was reminded about how soft her skin was.  Her brown eyes looked up at him and started to fill with tears.  "I want to make this go away."

            She adjusted her hand to the nap of his neck, "Just…" She drifted off as she pulled his head closer to hers.  She had no idea what was going on.  In her mind, she was in the safety of seven years ago.  Her eyes fluttered closed and she waited for their lips to touch.  She tipped her chin up slightly and felt her lips pucker in anticipation.

            And for some reason, he didn't hold back.  He had been thinking about this moment the minute he found out that she was going to be joining him on the mission.  It was a horrible thing to be thinking, especially when he was going to be engaged but it was the back of his mind.  Their lips almost came into contact and he felt the suppressed emotions rise in his face.  

            Just as quickly, he pulled away.  "Sydney."  Part of him wanted to reason with her but the other half knew that she was in a different place.  He would have to wait her out and then hope she would come to the realization of all of this.  But this didn't stop him from getting an extremely puzzled look from her.  "Let's get you better first, okay?"  His face was still hovering over hers and his lips almost touching hers.
    
                   The disappointment could not be masked in her eyes, "Kilmer, screw SD-6.  I'm in love with you.  I know that they'll have-heart attack-don't care." Her breath started to come at uneasy intervals, chopping her sentences.  She closed her mouth and eyes to gather her strength.  She forced them open again and forced control over her body, "I'm in love with you."  With the remaining energy she had, she guided his face down to hers and felt their lips touch.  It was soft and sweet, bringing Kilmer back to ten years ago.  All the emotions that were being bottled up and exploded as the kiss grew in intensity.  Her hands found their way through his hair and his to her face, under her back and over the exposed skin of her body.  
    
    _Deep in my heart I'm concealing  
    
    Things that I'm longing to say  
    
    Scared to confess what I'm feeling  
    
    Frightened you'll slip away  
    
    You must love me_

            But it was Kilmer that drew back and looked into her chestnut eyes, so full of hurt, pain, and love.  They started to close, blocking his window to her soul.  "Sydney, I can't."

            "Why?"

            "Because I'm with Madison."

            She didn't hear him or pretended not to hear him.  More than likely, she didn't understand what was going on.  She was still delusional and the lack of oxygen didn't help at all.  "Just stay with me until I fall asleep," she whispered slowly and softly.  "Please?"

            "Okay." He sat up slightly and just stayed hunched over her.  "Just until you fall asleep."  He brushed the back of his index finger beneath her eye.  "I won't leave with you." 


	14. Days Like This

            Kilmer sat back slightly and watched Sydney fall into a restless sleep.  His heart was breaking and he didn't know what to do with himself.  He had only seen her falling apart at the seams a few times and even then, she was still stronger than most women he knew.  Sure, she was younger than him by quite a few years but that never seemed to bother either of them.  She was more mature than any other woman her age.  He sat there, looking down at her fragile form that was desperately clinging to his hands.  Her hands were wrung up by her neck in a mock fetal position.  Her face was twisted in pain and her breath came heaving in uneven intervals.  He always loved watching her sleep but this was almost too painful.  His mind drifted back to a time that was just as complicated with different results…back when they were both agents at SD-6…

_SD-6 HEADQUATERS….TEN YEARS EARLIER….._

            She pressed her lips into a thin rose colored line.  Her feet were absolutely aching and her body was wracked with fatigue.  She knew her make-up was smudged and little bags were beginning to swell beneath her eyes.  Her hair had come partially undone from its slicked back ponytail  and little honey colored fly-away hairs framed her exhausted face.  There was no way that she looked even remotely attractive.  She trudged down the lit hallways and felt her black heels shuffle along beneath her.  She was completely disconnected from the rest of the world and felt the weight from her bag weigh down her shoulder drastically.  There was a little muscle knot forming beneath the black leather strap.  Her sleeveless dress with matching blazer was uncomfortable and hot and the only focus on her mind was getting home and collapsing into her bed.  Today had been a long day and the last thing she wanted to do was see or talk to anyone.   So many things had gone wrong today that she could barely think straight.   She felt like she reeked of sweat, pen ink, and disappointment.  She walked by a few offices, ignoring their inhabitants waving good-bye to her.  They all felt sorry for her and wanted to be as sweet and understanding as humanly possible.  She didn't want anyone's sympathy.  She just wanted to sleep.

            "Hey!  Hey, Sydney! Sydney!" He came barreling out of his office at the end of the hall and jogged to catch up with the fleeing beauty.   He had to talk to her for just a moment.  

             "Wha-a-at?"  She groaned slightly and sighed as pivoted to look at him.  The sudden change in direction sent the weighted bag crashing from her shoulder and ended up at her feet.  She acknowledged this, of course, with a bit of mock cry.

            "I've been looking for you."   His smile was broad and he looked down to try to catch her eyes.  His chiseled face managed to hide the exhaustion his body felt.  The tailored gray suit looked just as put together as it did this morning.  His day had to have been better than hers.  "I heard what happened."  Her mission, her toughest to date, had failed.  She had almost been captured and tortured, escaping by the skin on her teeth.  She was rattled, spending hours upon hours in extensive debriefing, where she was called a possible traitor.  They accused her of being a double agent.  Of course at this time, this idea was absolutely ridiculous.  

            Another sigh fluttered over her lips.  Her exhausted body turned to leave  but the man stopped her with his hand on her shoulder.  "I have exams in a week.  I'm going to the library, then I'm crashing in my room and sleeping until they need me again."

            "No, you're not.  You can't go home in the state that you're in.  If you go home, you'll run the risk of blowing your cover."

            With her last bit of fleeting energy, she managed to snap at him, "I won't.  I think I'm the one to determine if I'm in the right state of mind to go home."  She raised her eyebrows in disbelief and if she had the energy, she would have placed her hands on her hips but she couldn't.  There was no way on this earth that she could have moved.  

            His jovial spirit quickly left his youthful countenance and was replaced with concern, "Syd, I heard what happened the last couple of days.  You can't go home after a day like that!  No sane person can just forget about it and move on and it's especially not in your nature.  I know you; you're gonna fight and beat yourself up on this.  You always do when things like this happen." 

             Her brown eyes grew dimmer as she realized his words were true.  Plus, she started to give into the anger and exhaustion that threatened to consume her.  Her face had grown unreadable and Kilmer couldn't figure her out even if he tried.  He stepped closer to her and took the bag from its fallen place at her feet.  He groaned slightly as he threw the bag, filled with reading materials for tomorrow's day, onto his shoulder, "What do you have in here?  Rocks?"  His arm reached around her shoulders and pulled her back towards the place that engulfed her every minute of every hour of everyday. 

             His arm around her sent chills through her body and she let her head rest on his taller, broader shoulder.  There was the little voice in her head that started to scream out of joy and let out girlish giggles.  She had known for a while that she was attracted to Kilmer but refused to "fall for" a man that she worked with.  Their jobs were stressful enough without having romance added.  Neither one of them needed it and it would only lead to head and heartaches down to the road.  Sydney quickly silenced her own inner voice and fell deeper into her flaming pit of weariness. 

            Kilmer continued to comfort her as she tried to settle with herself, "Why don't we get some coffee and talk?"

            She wanted to protest so badly but there wasn't enough energy in her body to.  She swallowed hard and with it, swallowed her pride.  Without much physical protest, she consented to go into his office.  Her body ached more than ever with exhaustion and the thought of curling up on her bed sounded more and more appealing.  She was herded into his office that was a great deal larger that hers. The bright florescent lights were still burning intensely and shone in her fatigued eyes.  They walked in a few feet and she promptly found a place to plop.   There was an old worn gray couch resting by the door and she fell on it with a loud grunt.  Her legs felt like jell-o and she had the feeling running through her legs like she had just run miles on a treadmill.  The fabric gave way beneath her and for the first time in a while, she felt all of the muscles in her body relax at once.  Her head flopped back against the upholstered armrest, one leg ended up stretched out, the other stood against the floor and arms flopped haphazardly around her.

            Kilmer watched her fall for a moment and then turned to his young secretary, "Jacqueline, could you run to the cafeteria and get two coffees?"   It was one of the perks of being a higher ranking agents at SD-6.  He had his own office, complete with secretary.  

            The red-head was absorbed in her work but managed to acknowledge her boss, "Sure.  Let me just finish this up and I'll-"

            "Now, Jacqueline."  

            Jacqueline looked away from her computer monitor for a moment and peered into the large glass window into his office.  It was there that she Sydney and instantly understood.  "I'll be back in a moment."

            "Good." Kilmer turned on his heels, shutting the door tightly behind him.  The bustling noise of the headquarters was instantly stopped.     

            "I'm fine, Kilmer." Sydney muttered, with her eyes shut.

            "If you're so fine, then why are you half asleep on my couch?" Kilmer spoke as he waltzed over to his desk and sat on the edge.  He set her bag down near his feet and heard it land with a resounding THUD!  

            "You forced me to."

            He took this lightly, "Oh I did?  Last time I checked an agent-"

            "I'm tired, Kilmer!"

            "When was the last time you were home?"

            Her eyes examined his toned features for a moment while she thought hard about this, "What day is today?  Wednesday?"

            "Yeah."

            She looked at the wall in front of her and contemplated it for a moment, fully aware that the figure to her left was starring relentlessly at her.  "Let's see…I got home from Havana on Monday night, when through a series of debriefs and then the whole incident today…..so, Sunday?  Yeah, I left for Havana on Sunday."

            He let out a little laugh, knowing that his point had been proved, "Even Wonder Woman gets to sleep-"

            "Yeah well, Wonder Woman is also running around with a gold whip and a killer heels.  She needs her sleep if she's gonna wear an outfit like that!" Sydney threw her hands up to further to prove her point.  "Is there something you need me for?" She took her focus off of the wall and onto her co-worker.

            "I need you to get some sleep."

            "I'm fine, Kilmer." She repeated, without really hearing him.  "I really just need to go home and sleep.  It's been a long few days and I just…need….sleep!"  Her eyes were glued shut and there was no way that she could open them, even if she tried.

            He smiled slightly at her sheer exhaustion and bluntness.  "I know you do, Syd.  Do you want to talk about what happened today?"

             "Can't this wait until tomorrow?  I'm still going to have the same  problems tomorrow.  They'll just be a day older but they'll still be there.  Don't worry." 

            Kilmer pursed his lips together tightly and contemplated this for a moment, "Fine.  So, do you want me to drive you home?  You're to fall asleep at the wheel if you drive or do you just want to crash here for now?"

            She groaned slightly again and sank further into the couch, "Just let me sit here for a minute and then I'll hail a cab or something.  It's stupid for you to go all the way down to my dorm and then come back here.  You have to your brief for Wilson tomorrow morning and you better make it good."  Her eyes were still shut and she was rather dead to the word.  Her body may have been falling apart at the seams but her mind was still working well.

            They sat in silence for a moment.  She was desperately trying to force her eyes open, get up, and go home.  None of that was happening.  She felt her heartbeat in her head and each breath come out of her lungs.  The more she sat there, the more exhausted she felt.  She felt her consciousness slipping away from her faster and faster.  Her head flopped to one side as she fought one last time to keep her body awake.  She fought sleep so much but this couch felt so wonderful.  The worn black leather was more luxurious than the finest Oriental silk. 

            Kilmer watched her inhale and exhale for a few more minutes.  He had the most piercing eyes that she had ever seen before and sometimes, she felt like he could easily see inside her soul.  It was almost a good thing that her eyes and her soul were oblivious to his advances.  This was the first time that he realized how much he was falling for her.  He started to realize how much he loved her.  His heart was in his throat while she was in Havana and waited anxiously for her safe return.  He slept with his cell phone near his bed, going as far as to placing it on his chest, waiting for her phone call.  He was her newly assigned mentor.  It was like being a handler but not as intense.  They both had superior's to answer to and he was in charge of giving her the mission specs…okay, so it was exactly like being a handler….  There were rules about interoffice dating but he couldn't stop falling for her.  He wished they had met in some crowded bar, with the music too loud and the drinks too sweet and sour.  But no…they had to meet over a briefing table in the middle of the SD-6.

            Without really thinking about what he was doing, he reached behind him and turned the little desk lamp on and then crossed to the light-switch near the door and turned the lights off.  The tiny glow from the desk lamp highlighted her angelic features.  The only sounds in the office were his footsteps against the cool tile and her breathing falling into a slow rhythmic pattern.  He went to the other side of the couch and retrieved a small blue/gray blanket, tattered from use.  He knelt before her like a pilgrim in front of shrine.  She sunk deeper in the couch and curled her body up beneath her, finally ending up on her side, facing him.  Her lips were parted slightly, allowing the slow breath to escape.  He reached for the blanket and covered her with it gingerly.  Her body shifted again to get more comfortable.  His smooth hand reached out and with the most concentration, hovered over her face, obviously debating whether or not to touch her smooth skin.

            Without any warning, the door flew open, "I got your coff-" Jacqueline stood there with two black coffees in her hands and starred unbelievingly at the sight before her eyes.  Kilmer's hand was floating above his co-worker's cheek.  "Oh!" She replied at the sight of the sleeping form.

            Kilmer felt the heat rise in his cheeks as he jumped hurriedly to his feet, "It's not what it looks like!" He managed to shriek in a hurried, hushed tone.  He didn't even know what she thought was going on.

            She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not judging!  I didn't say anything!" She threw her hands up in absolute defense.

            "She had a tough day!  I just let her rest on my couch-that's all!" His guilty conscious spewed the information, "That's all!"

            "Okay!  Okay"  "I'll leave them out here for you?" She backed away slowly, feeling the blush rise in her cheeks.

            Feeling absolutely mortified, he replied, "Yeah, okay." He watched the door shut firmly behind and then dropped his head to his chest in embarrassment.  He was lousy at ad-libbing when he wasn't on his game.  It was one of his major flaws that could cost him his life.  But then again, this made him seem human.  

            So not to disturb Sydney, he got to his feet and walked slowly back to his desk.  Finding his comfortable, black chair there, he reclined deep into it.  He threw his feet up on the corner of his desk and crossed his arms in front of his chest.  His steel gray blue eyes watched the other sleeping form for a few more moments.  She looked so calm and so peaceful curled up on his couch.  Damage control would be left for tomorrow.  His eyes fluttered in the angelic light and a yawn stretched out his mouth.  For now, he thought it best to let her sleep.  His eyes flickered once more and finally shut.  The day was over for both of them.

_END FLASHBACK_

            He waited for the exhaustion to take over and for him to drift to sleep, touching Sydney' face gently as he propped his head up by his hand and let his head drop forward.  But like a light, something switched on in his mind.

**Madison****.**

            He jumped almost instantly to his feet and bounded towards the door, grabbing his spare gun that was kept beneath the coffee table.  His heart started to pound wildly.  Why hadn't she returned from checking the perimeter of the building?  Hell, why did she go out to check the perimeter of the building to begin with?  She was being stupid and foolhardy.  He was rounding the corner to bolt out the door when it flew open.  Instinctively, he raised his gun.

            Madison pushed the door open, her face flushed and pink with the cold and stress, "Jesus, Robbie!  Drop your gun!" She shrieked as she saw her fiancé with a gun raised at her.

            He immediately obeyed and stepped closer to her, his brow wrinkling in concern, "Why did you run after Lauren and Jonathan?  You had me scared to death!" He lunged forward and embraced her tightly.  "Don't-"

            "Don't tell me what I can't do, Robbie." She snapped, standing in his arms without wrapping her own around his.

            "Madison?" He questioned as he stepped back to exam her eyes.

            She spoke up into his eyes.  Her tone was forceful and full of hate.  She was beyond upset at this pint.  "Why didn't you follow me?  Why weren't you there covering me?  I could be dead on the side of the road and you wouldn't even know!  Why?  Because you were up here, tending to Sydney!  I know that she was ailing but-but G-d, Robbie!  This is basic training 101!  I cannot believe that you would do this to me!  Is it because you still have feelings for her?" She took a breath as she came to the realizations.  "Oh my G-d." She whispered under her breath.  "Oh my G-d."  With some inner strength, she pushed out the words with such force that she was secretly grateful that the walls were soundproofed from the outside, "I know you loved her once and now seeing her again, you would put my life in danger?  I'm your fiancée!  I'm the mother of your daughter!  I'm your partner!" Her emotions were bubbling over in her chest and she choked out the words with such force.  

            He hesitated for a moment and stepped back.  He rubbed his hand over his face and tried to get his emotions straight.  "Maddie-"

            "Agent Perkins." She corrected stiffly.  The emotions were pulsating through her veins and he was very lucky that she hadn't take a swing at him yet.  She was ready to drop kick him from Odessa to L.A. and back.  She pulled away from him and pushed into the bedroom to check on her daughter.  In the back of her mind, she knew that was going to do something she was going to regret soon.  "As soon as this mission is over, I'll put in for a transfer."  She bristled past him and into the neighboring bedroom.  She stopped at the doorway and turned back, "Oh.  I didn't find them.  So we have an international assassin and his accomplice on the run.  You tell Langley, you self-absorbed, self-serving, narcissistic  SOB."  And with that, she slammed the door loudly.


	15. Behind Blue Eyes

            Songs: "Behind Blue Eyes" by Limp Bizkit…

            When the prophecy said that she would bring destruction like no man had ever seen, no one ever thought that she would be the destructive force in marriages.

            Madison fled into the bedroom and almost immediately burst into tears.  She bit down on her lip until she drew blood from it.  Never in her wildest dreams did she ever envision her love life crashing down due to a woman from his past.  She had heard him scream her name out of terror and absolute fear in the middle of the night.  Those were the nights that he woke up in a cold sweat and refused to say a word.  She would coax him back to lie down next to her and stroke his hair softly until his shaking stopped and he managed to close his eyes again.  She never asked why he reacted that way or why he called out her name.  She knew better than to ask.  His life before the program was strictly off-limits.  

            Now, here she was.  She was absolutely and 100% confused.  All she wanted was the find some sort of peace and balance in this life of secrets and mayhem.  If she could just keep her head above the water and keep her daughter above that, then maybe-just maybe, she could survive.  Layla was the most important thing in her life and if she did one thing right in her life, it was to raise her daughter right.  

            "It's not your fault that your daddy's a blazing idiot." Madison leaned over the side of the crib and touched her daughter's face.  Her hushed voice made her accent so strong.  She was curling back to her roots and found her desire to go home rising in her chest more than ever.  "Maybe we should get a way from all of this.  You know before all of this happened, we were talking about getting away from all of this.  But now, I don't know if we can both leave.  I don't know if I can live with him anymore." She sighed rather thoughtfully and crossed back and forth of the light wood crib, "I love him so much that it hurts me.  I'm always the one that gets hurt in the end.  And maybe, this time, I should be the one that should leave.  What if I just picked up and left?  If-if I just disappeared, took on a new identity, maybe in south of France or Portugal or somewhere nice. We could be safe."

            She ran her hand over the wood and pursed her lips tightly, "Your father was in the program for a while.  There's no saying that we couldn't escape into the program and would not really have to look over our shoulders anymore.  I mean, we would have to look over our shoulders to make sure we weren't tailed or anything like that.  But, we would be safe from all of this.   I wouldn't have to worry about his past and I would have no more past.  I could be someone exotic, who worked hard from every penny she earned and you, my precious one, could be Ava.  Did you know that's what I really wanted to name you?" She smiled softly as she pulled her hand away.  The smile quickly faded and she suddenly grew more remorseful.  "He would hate me so much for leaving.  I never thought things would end this way.  Maybe I'm overreacting.  Maybe it's just that he knew that we wouldn't be able to find them." She walked over to her bed and sat down on it, burying her head in her hands.  "I don't know what to do anymore, Layla.  Nothing's making sense."

***

            "Are you alright, darling?" Jonathan rubbed his hand along her arm as he tried to get her to look at her.

            She turned her away from him, concentrating on a corner in the wall.  "I'll be fine."

            "What's going on, darling?  Tell me what you're thinking about." He pulled her closer and wrapped his arm around her waist.  

_No one knows what it's like_

_To be the bad man_

_To be the sad man_

_Behind blue eyes_

_And no one knows_

_What it's like to be hated_

_To be faded to telling only lies_

            She finally looked at him, her bright blue eyes brimming over, "I don't know if I should tell you or not."  She shrugged her shoulders rather innocently and fought against the tears that threatened to overturn in her eyes.  

            Jonathan pressed his lips to her temple and held his hands on her shoulders, "Baby, you can tell me anything.  I promise, no matter what-I'll still be here.  Nothing shocks me anymore, baby.  I've been in this business way too long."

            She looked at him and felt her blue eyes burn.  "I-I hurt him.  I saw it in his face."  She instantly regretted it.  She knew that this would hurt him as well.  No matter what she did, she always managed to hurt the men closest to her.  It had started with her father; he almost forced her away.  Senator Reed's daughter was never "picture perfect" enough to fit in with the politics of his life.  So, starting from when she was a young child, she pushed men away.  Her first boyfriend was pushed away so far that he ended up going to college in Belgium, of all places.  She burned him.  And now, she burnt her husband and her boyfriend.    

_No one knows what it's like_

_To be the bad man_

_To be the sad man_

_Behind blue eyes_

_And no one knows_

_What it's like to be hated_

_To be faded to telling only lies_

            "Who?  Your husband?" He answered, struggling to keep his tone level.

            "Yes." She answered stiffly.

            "I didn't mean to, you know.  It was all just a game and then something drew serious."

            His hand reached around for hers and held it tightly.  "It's understandable that you're having second thoughts.  But Renny, I'll always be here.  If you want-"

_But my dreams they aren't as empty_

_As my conscious seems to be_

_I have hours, only lonely_

_My love is vengeance_

_That's never free_

            "I don't know what I want anymore." She confessed as she got to her feet.  Her long nightgown skimmed the floor as she walked over to the window.  The blue satin moved effortless over her tiny frame.  Her blonde hair had been pulled into a long braid and her face was completely stripped of make-up.  "I wonder if I made the right decision.  I loved Michael, believe it or not.  We were so happy.  I was the wife with the doting husband.  We would come home from a busy day at work and I would cook dinner as he played with the dog."  She starred out of the window as she spoke aloud, not wanting to look at his face.   

_No one knows what its like_

_To feel these feelings_

_Like I do and I blame you!_

_No one bites back as hard_

_On their anger_

_None of my pain woe_

_Can show through_

            She cleared her throat against the rising emotion.  "One more I woke up and our little life with the white picket fence came crashing down around me.  His ex-girlfriend was back in his life and I couldn't deal.  I didn't know what to do-where to turn.  That's when Mr. Cole approached me.  He recruited me into the Covenant.  He told me that and that alone would be the ultimate revenge on my husband for lusting over Sydney.  I was satisfied with that.  I think I'm still satisfied with that.  He told me that I could do whatever I want now that I am co-chair of the North American cell.  I have power.  I can have him killed at any moment and-G-d, Jonathan ….where do I go from here?"

            "Do you ever regret it?" Jonathan jumped in instantly.

            "There are moments that I think I made the best decision in the world.  The next moment, I believe I made the worse.  Michael's my husband and I would be lying if I said that I never loved him.  It's hard to turn your back on that after so long.  But the Covenant brought me back to you and I think I owe them everything for that.  I'm falling in with you all over again, Jonathan and that scares me more than I think you'll ever know.  So, here I am and I'm confused all over again.  I disconnected myself so far from my marriage.  It became a job-literally.  I was playing Michael's wife but being Jonathan's girlfriend.  Tonight was the first time that I saw what my job did to him.  I saw the hurt in his eyes and I think I-"

            "Lauren." His voice replied to her softly. 

            She turned back towards her and felt the cool breeze surround her back.  Little goose bumps started to form on her bare skin.  The little nightgown provided little to no warmth and the spaghetti straps left her arms bare.  "No one knows what it's like to stand where I'm standing."  She walked back towards him and stood directly in front of him.

_No one knows what its like_

_To be mistreated, to be defeated_

_Behind blue eyes_

_No one know how to say_

_That they're sorry and don't worry_

_I'm not telling lies_

            "I wish I did."  He reached forward and placed his hands on her hips, starring up into her bottomless blue eyes.  He pulled her towards him, lettings his hands engulf her tiny waist.

_No one knows what its like_

_To be the bad man, to be the sad man_

_Behind blue eyes.___

            "But you can't and it's almost alright.  I don't mind." She ran her hands through his hair and finally rested them on his shoulders.  She leaned down and kissed his lips gently.   "I love you, Jonathan and I always will." She pushed him down on the bed and smiled.  "I will always love you."  

            "I know, baby.  I love you too."

*****

            Vaughn opened his eyes slowly and felt the tiredness just creep through his veins.  His eyes didn't burn as badly as they did before.  He was almost coherent.  A low groan escaped his lips as his green eyes scanned the tiny bedroom he was still lying in.  They rested on the figure next to him.  "Syd?"

            The figure next to him was unconscious.  She had an IV pulsating through her veins that was numbing the throbbing that threatened to take over her.  But Vaughn had no idea about the pain she was going through.

            "Mr. Vaughn, how are you feeling?" Kilmer moved from a nearby chair over to the bed, where he stood with a needle in hand.  He inserted it in the IV hanging above Vaughn's head and watched as the yellow liquid diluted in the mixture of clear.  He, then, adjusted the flow on the IV solution to a lesser volume, so that he could start to regain lucidity.  

            Vaughn opened and closed his mouth a few times before answered, "I-I've had-better days." He whispered hoarsely.  The sound of his voice was rather frightening, it surprised him how sick, and weak he sounded.  He tried to clear his throat but realized that he couldn't.  His body was aching as he had the flu but the center of his arm consciously hurt.   

            Kilmer nodded his head in understanding and got straight down to business, "We've started you on an intense round of antibiotics and a stimulant.  The second half of the mission is in less than forty-eight hours and we've got to get you and Sydney back on your feet.  Sydney's father has sent us out intel and stats for Saturday night.  The most important thing to do right now for you, though, is to rest up.  We need you on your feet and well, man."  

            "Sydney?" Vaughn coughed again, feeling his voice growing dimmer.  

            "She's going to be okay.  She passed out a few hours ago and we're treating her with the IV, too." Kilmer nodded as he acknowledged the dripping IV with his eyes again.  

            "Don't let anything happen to her, Kilmer."  Vaughn resided softly.  "Please.  She's all I have left."

            This sparked Kilmer's interest.  He pulled a neighboring chair closer to the bed and rested his hands on his knees.  His steel colored eyes barely blinked and his breath came from his lungs.  "What about your wife?"

            Vaughn groaned slightly and twisted beneath the sheets slightly, "She's cheating on me with that guy Jonathan.  She's having an affair to get back at me for Sydney coming back."

            Kilmer wrinkled his brow in return and wasn't exactly sure how to react to that.  He cleared his throat softly, clasped his hands together, and chose to stare down at them.  "I'm going to go and see how the plans for Saturday are going with Madison." Kilmer rose up slowly and stared down at Vaughn, who looked so frail at that moment.  It was amazing that a man of six feet could look so feeble.  He patted him on the shoulder in typical male fashion.  He crossed out of the room and into the living room.  Madison was sitting at the dining table with her laptop open and papers covering the cheap wood.  The black frame glasses were placed over her eyes and her long hair was pulled back into a ponytail.  Her long, elegant fingers tapped in rhythm against the plastic keys.  "Ma-Agent Perkins?"

            "I'm almost done getting the mission specs together.  Your folder is sitting on the countertop.  I'm almost done downloading yours." She took a pause as she typed in a series of codes before resuming, "There's some breakfast for you on the stove.  I've already eaten." Her tone was cold and hurt.  It had bee quite a few hours since she had broken down and locked herself in the bedroom.  The sun had risen and now the countdown had unofficially begun until the mission on Saturday.  Madison, being the hard worker, had already started working on what was going to happen.  She wanted no surprises.  

            "Thank you." He replied, moving into the kitchen area to pour himself a cup of tea.  "Vaughn's awake."

            "Have you informed him that Lauren and Jonathan escaped?" She kept her tone harsh but even.  She was still consumed in her work and mad at her fiancé.

            He sighed and resisted the urge to throw the teakettle against the wall and shout all the emotions that were filing up inside him.  He and Madison had never fought before and now it was all because of something that could have been avoided.  "No.  I'm waiting for him to regain-no….I haven't."  He watched the tea pour gently into the rattled cup. 

            "You'll have to tell him eventually."                

            "I know." He fought to keep his tone easy and steady.  But realized he was failing rather miserably.  "But how do you tell a man that his wife has disappeared with another man who was trying to kill him?  It's not exactly something they teach you at Langley."

            "You'll have to tell him eventually."

            "I know, Maddie."

            She looked up from her laptop for a moment but didn't turn around.  Noticeably, she straightened up and fought the urge to turn around.  "I'd prefer if you called me Agent Perkins, Agent Kilmer."

            He set the teakettle down with sudden force and turned around abruptly towards her.  "Maddie, are we still on this?  C'mon, what can I do to make this up to you?"

            She turned around slowly and got to her feet in the most refined manner she could muster.  She kept one hand firmly placed on the back of the chair, her feet perfectly turned out like the dancer she was.  "There is nothing to do to make up for it.  I've been thinking about this for a long time and it's about time I've made my decision.  It's much too dangerous for us to be together.  It clouds both of our judgments.  Both of our priorities are totally skewed.  It's in the best interest of both of us and most importantly, Layla.  I'm a mother first, agent second, Robbie.  If anything ever happened to her, I don't know what I would do with myself.  After Saturday, I'll put in for my transfer and move back to the states.  I'll go on desk duty."

            He walked towards the edge of the kitchen, just to see the expression of her face.  "You won't be happy being on desk duty, Maddie!"

            "I'll force myself to be.  If it means that Layla can have a happy, safe childhood, then every moment behind the desk will be worth it!" She tipped her head back slightly in defiance.  She knew that he was trying to read her.

            "I don't know what to say."

            "Don't say anything and don't come with me.  They'll send someone else to keep watch out here and you need to continue our work.  There's no way that they can bring two new people here and expect to get everything we need to get done."

            "You don't want me to come with you?"

            "I do but I know two things…you won't be happy and you can't give up our work."

            "But I can't live without you, Madison.  We've talked about this a thousand times.  We've talked about getting away from this together.  We can do it and leave.  I can't live without you." 

            She crossed into the kitchen and stood in front of her.  Her eyes were filling with tears and other unwanted emotions.  "That's why I have to leave.  We've become too dependant on each other.  This is going to be our downfall.  Robbie, I love you more than anything else on this planet does but we're going to get ourselves killed.   I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you.  That's why I need to leave." She raised her hand up and placed it on his face.  He returned it by placing his hand atop hers.  His eyes shut and he felt like his heart was going to rip from his chest.  "You know that it's true."

            "I don't want it to be." He answered his voice low and raspy.

            "G-d, Robbie." She raised her body up on her tiptoes and laid a feather light kiss on his lips.  "I don't know what to do anymore."    


	16. They Always Come Back

Author's Note....Wow, I got some of you really riled up about the "Behind Blue Eyes." In all honesty, I didn't know that The Who sang it and the only reason that I used the song was that I heard it on the radio and thought it would be perfect for Lauren. Why does Lauren have to have a conscious? Because, well you'll see in the coming chapters! So, if there's anything you like, don't like, etc lemme know!!  
  
Vaughn was struggling with himself, there was no doubt about that. His body was failing still and the pain was still there. He grappled with his body as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. He had to move slowly and carefully for two reasons. One, he had a lengthy incision running down his side and two, Sydney was sleeping next to him. His hands, gray from sickness, reached up and grabbed the IV hanging on an aged silver stand nearby. A quick gasp of air shot out as he realized the pain that was shooting through his system. He held on tightly to the stand and almost fell over in severe pain. It was intense but he had to get out of that room. He needed to see what was going on with that night.  
  
It was Saturday night already and he had spent his days in a drug induced coma with more antibiotics and chemicals pulsing through his veins. Kilmer and Madison came in from time to time to talk with him and monitor his condition. Sydney was kept in the same state but they were never awake and coherent at the same time. His green eyes scanned the dark space and he tried to rationalize his way to the door. Every step was a step closer to his freedom. He had been confined to this dark prison by his injuries and he was more than ready to leave.  
  
"Michael, what are you doing out of bed?" Madison came fluttering in like a worried mother hen. She had on a pair of comfortable jeans with a t- shirt. Her long black hair was pulled away from her face with a scarf that doubled as a headband. She ran over to him and tucked her arms beneath his extended one and secured his body with hers. "We still have hours before you need to be even awake."  
  
"I need to get out of bed." He admitted beneath his breath as he pushed towards another step. How was he ever going to make it on a mission that night if he couldn't make it to the door.  
  
Madison seemed to comply with this answer. She slowly helped him out of the dark bedroom and into the warmth of the living room, "The couch sound alright to you? Kilmer's out there-he can keep you company."  
  
"Sounds wonderful." He replied, feeling some of his metal strength return. His body started to relax as soon as he hit the fabric. He recline back and sighed.  
  
Madison released her grip on him and watched him sink down into the fabric. She knelt near his face and placed her hand on his skin to check for a temperature, "Cool as a cucumber." She smiled softly for the first time in a while.  
  
"How are you feeling, Vaughn?" Kilmer asked, looking up from his book that he was reading.  
  
"Not so bad." Vaughn lied . He tried to move again but found his body going stiff. All that time sleeping in the fetal position caused tension throughout his body. His neck craned around to visually search the apartment. "Where's Lauren?"  
  
Madison started to grow uncomfortable and started to pace in the living room. She looked to Kilmer and felt panicked, "Do you want to tell him or shall I?" She started to grow impatient and by the looks of it, a migraine started to grow in her skull.  
  
Kilmer replied, "I don't know if he should know."  
  
"It's really important for him to know! Should I tell him or will you?"  
  
Kilmer grew silent again and motioned for her to tell Vaughn the news-  
  
"Will the two of you stop talking like I'm not in the room?" choked Vaughn rather loudly in his raspy voice.  
  
Madison looked down at him and shook her head before sitting down, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this Vaughn, but Lauren escaped with that man, Jonathan Ross. He's an assassin for the Covenant."  
  
He was so confused by this, "What? No, she's having an affair with him. He's not Covenant. He's NSC. He can't be." He struggled to sit up but Madison forced him back down as she settled back down onto the couch. She left her hand on his shoulder and pressed him there for a moment.  
  
"Vaughn, listen me; I know it's hard to believe but it is true. Jonathan Ross was sent to eliminate both you and Sydney. After the club incident," she started to chose her words carefully, "we sent a call into the LA office and they said that Lauren was out of reach. Next thing we know, she's at our doorstep with an unknown agent on her arm. Through conversation, we found out that he was Ross and I guess they realized that they had been made, so they fled. Tonight, we're all going to the Hotel Mishca, impersonating those who wish to join the Covenant. Lauren and Jonathan should be there and we can apprehend them."  
  
Vaughn shut his eyes and tried to comprehend all it. "She's cheating on me with someone from the Covenant?" He managed to murmur at last.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Vaughn."  
  
"Call me Michael, please." He begged for a moment, feeling his body at his absolute lowest. He had known something was up for a while. There were too man coincidences that made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. There was always something wrong but part of him was blinded by love and maybe by the truth. He never wanted to admit that his wife, the woman that he supposedly loved, was using him and cheating on him. Well, in all honesty, he knew about the latter but maybe, he didn't want to admit it. But now, he was forced to come face to face with it. He moaned softly and opened his eyes, "We'll take them into custody and prosecute them for treason. Let's go."  
  
*****  
  
Madison later slipped back into the bedroom to wake Sydney. She roused her from her deep sleep and helped her get to her feet. She had helped her get to over to the vanity and ready for the night.  
  
Madison carefully twisted the remaining section of Sydney's hair and secured it with neighboring hair elastic. Almost silently, she found a hair net resting on her thigh and covered Sydney's hair. The beautiful chestnut brown color was replaced with a very short auburn colored curly wig. It was a honey auburn that made her look more like an elegant movie star than 'Little Orphan Annie.'  
  
"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Madison asked as she started to comb out the long, sandy brown wig.  
  
Sydney looked up from her make-up mirror, held precociously in her hand. She held the lipstick tube in between her fingers. "I'll be fine."  
  
"You can be honest with me, Sydney. If you're not going to-"  
  
She turned around and faced the other agent with sympathetic eyes. She was tired and it showed it in her face. "I understand you're trying to be helpful, Madison, but really-I'm going to be okay." She returned to making up her face and transforming into Shay Roscoe, doting wife of Carter Gates, a multi-millionaire and new arms supplier. They were hoping to score a deal with the local cell of the Covenant. It was a simple plan but it would not stay that way long. They were to meet the two officials, Lauren and Jonathan in a hotel lobby bar. If they didn't show within an hour, they could go up to their hotel room and wait for Lauren and Jonathan to meet there. But obviously, they would expect that Shay and Carter would be staying there, so...  
  
Madison smiled and nodded her head softly, "And just think you'll be able to sleep in a real bed, with coffee and heat, for a night." She walked slowly over to a garment bag and pulled out a long black dress. She took a syringe and vile of epinephrine. "Do you want to do the injection or-"  
  
"I can do it. It's okay." Sydney took the vile and syringe in her hand and watched Madison take a step backward.  
  
"I'll leave you to get dressed."  
  
"Thank you." She said softly, watching the other female agent leave the bedroom. The old door closed firmly and Sydney found herself being overwhelmed. She wanted to through herself down at that bed that she barely could remember in sleeping in for the past nights. It was Saturday and apparently, she had been lying in that bed, next to Vaughn, very close to a comatose state. She had been fed medication on top of medication to heel her broken body. There were numerous things still wrong with her but that didn't seem to matter anymore. She was going to be injected with the same solution she had been injected with before that state track meet when she had the flu. It didn't matter. She had become numb to the pain.  
  
She barely remembered anything from the last few days. But a slow smile passed over her lips as she tried to remember. She hadn't had those horrible dreams that had haunted her since her return. Her mind seemed fuzzy as she tried to remember if she had any dreams. Wait....there was one. There was one dream that felt so real that she was almost convinced that it was. Kilmer had swooped her into his arms and kissed her like he did ten years ago. She felt his soft lips beneath hers and felt the baby soft skin beneath her fingertips. But that had been a dream...she thought. There was no way that Kilmer, a man engaged with a baby, would kiss her. He was in love with another woman.  
  
Then again, Vaughn was supposedly in love with another woman and he kissed her in North Korea.  
  
She sighed and forced her body to an upright position. The black dress was starring her in the face and she grabbed it. The material was soft and slinky, a cotton, polyester, spandex blend. It was a halter-top dress with a low, low back. The dress was floor length and she was sure she would look like the perfect date to 'Carter Gates.' She groaned slightly and shed her sweats miserably. The black dress fell onto her form and suddenly, Sydney Bristow was gone. Only Shay remained.  
  
She turned back to the bed and saw there was a long rhinestone chain that was supposed to be clasped down her spine. Sighing heavily, she took it in her hands and debated on whether or not she could put this on successfully.  
  
She must have been standing there for a while because the door opened again. "Hey Madison, would you mind hooking this on? I can't do it." She held the chain over her shoulder and felt tentative hands take it away. She recognized the hands almost instantly and knew it wasn't Madison. She heard the top clasp click and the bottom, near her waist. A fingertip ran along her spine, giving her chills almost instantly.  
  
Kilmer knew he shouldn't have been standing there, touching her but he couldn't pull himself away. He traced her back up to her shoulder blade and pulled away just as she turned to face him. He was a little taller than she was which was a novelty at her height. His steel blue gray eyes met hers and he brushed a piece of the wig out of her face. He touched her jaw line and met her eyes.  
  
"Kilmer?" She questioned, not mirroring the look of content in his eyes.  
  
"We almost lost you, Sydney. Those bastards beat-"  
  
"Kilmer, I'm fine. You don't have to worry." She started to scream at her feet to move but found herself unable to. Instead, she started to drift back to her dream or what she thought was a dream. "Do you ever think about us, what happened with us, all those years ago?"  
  
"I missed you, Syd."  
  
Something compelled her to tell him what she was thinking, "I had this dream when I was-was-"she motioned to the bed with her hands, "that we were back to six years ago, right before you-um-left....and...." She completely forgot where she was going with this but she felt a familiar tingly sensation warming through her lips.  
  
He stepped closer and his hand found a way to her waist, "What if I told you it wasn't a dream?"  
  
Her eyes searched for truth within his and found it there, "You really did ki-"  
  
"Sydney, never did I ever dream that I would be able to see you again."  
  
"What about Madison?" Her voice could barely whisper. She had grown hoarse and kept waiting for her legs to give out beneath her.  
  
He stepped forward, bringing her body against his. He ducked his head slightly, glancing back and forth between her eyes and her lips. Wordlessly, he ducked down and felt his lips come into smooth contact with hers. It was a slow and sensual kiss that she refused to let grow passionate. Her body was frozen against his and she found herself humming against the soft touch of his mouth. Her fingers became laced in his hair and she leaned back slightly, becoming increasingly dizzy. "It wasn't a dream." He whispered as he parted from the kiss, resting his forehead on top of hers.  
  
She looked at him and wasn't sure whether she looked panicked or happy. Well, that was basically true. She had that "dear in the headlights" look to her face and her mouth was continually gapping open. "Wha?" She tried to talk but found her mouth dry and her brain was spinning. She hadn't felt-consciously felt his lips against hers. She took a step back and stared up at him. "You're in love with Madison, Kilmer. What are you doing?" She put her hands on her forehead and turned her back to him. "What am I doing? I have to leave soon." She was flustered and shaking slightly. She searched around for the different items she needed for that night. "I need you to leave." She said her back still to him. She didn't want to see his face and she needed to do-a lot.  
  
"Sydney, you don't-"  
  
"Kilmer, I want to leave and let me have time to myself." She reached for the black garter that was basically transformed to keep a weapon in place. She was nervous about meeting these people with their supposed high ties with Covenant. Lauren and Jonathan were going to give them information about the Covenant. They might be able to figure out who they were targeting, why, who the head of it was, and anything else they could find out. There was no tech to this. This was pure and simple. Two couples were going to meet for drinks. "You need to leave." She turned towards him again.  
  
"Sydney, what are you doing? I love you." He held up his hands in defense.  
  
"Kilmer, we both know you can either get out or I can make you get out." She hissed coldly, taking a step towards him. Her hands were dropped at her side and she knew that in a moment, she could take him out at the knees.  
  
He went into shock and was incredible annoyed that she didn't return his feelings, "Sydney, didn't you hear me? I said that I love you. I never stopped loving you. Even when I left and then when you disappeared, I still loved you."  
  
"And maybe you didn't hear me. I told you; shut the door behind you." She order gruffly and watched him do so.  
  
Okay, she was officially confused. What had just happened? She moved towards the chair that she had been sitting on and collapsed down on it. Her head flopped forward and she cradled it in her hands. She didn't know which was up and her heart was palpitating so hard in her chest, she kept waiting for it to explode from her chest. She felt her face grow red and her breathing was becoming erratic.  
  
No, she had to force herself to focus. She got to her feet and started to look around for a pair of stilettos she had carelessly thrown around her. Before she knew it, she was on her knees with the shoes in hand. They slid easily on over the flesh-tone colored fishnet stockings. It was game time. She pushed her body towards the door and opened it, taking in a slow breath.  
  
Vaughn was standing near the couch, pacing. He was nervous but as soon as he caught sight of Sydney, he stopped. "Hey." He shot her a lopsided grin.  
  
"Hey." She returned the small favor. Her hands guided her towards the center of the living room. Her body was becoming weaker and she needed to sit or else she would collapse from sheer exhaustion. She masked it well, keeping a small smile on her face and crossed her legs. "Are we almost ready?"  
  
Vaughn was supporting his body against the back of the couch. His arms were forced straight and his body weight was supported there. He refused to let Sydney see him weak. Call it a male macho thing or call it bravery. "As soon as you are." Taking a silent breath, he started to walk towards the door. He was dressed perfectly in a black on black suit. He always looked amazing in black. He walked over to the chair that Sydney had sat in and offered her a hand up. She accepted it gratefully. "You okay?"  
  
"Nothing more than a little scrape. What about you?"  
  
He shrugged, "Nothing more than a little scrape." He pulled her closer and tucked his hand on the small of her bare back. "Sydney." His voice was suddenly hoarse and his body was suddenly shakier. Her eyes, hidden beneath a violet color, shot him a questioning look. "Don't lie to me. Are you really going to be okay?"  
  
She fought her urge to glance at Kilmer to see what he was doing. She could feel his eyes starring at her and she felt like she could just melt away from it with Vaughn's arm around her. She rested her forearm on his shoulder. "I told you-I'll be fine."  
  
"I see you two are getting ready to leave?" Madison walked back into the apartment from the stairwell. She had been checking to make sure that the limo was waiting for them outside.  
  
Vaught took the initiative and spoke for both of them, "We'll meet you there? We have two separate meeting times, right? You are down in the bar and we're-"  
  
"You're up in the hotel room. You're all set. Just be safe." Madison nodded, holding the door open.  
  
Vaughn nodded weakly and Sydney smiled, not wanting to look at Kilmer. "We always are. We'll meet you there."  
  
Okay...so what do you think? What do you think of Kilmer kissing Sydney?!? I don't know if anyone saw that coming or caught that in the previous chapters but hey....I was kinda hoping of getting a bigger reaction from people about it. Keep your eye on him....he's not what he appears! Love it? Hate it? Should I keep going? 


	17. End of Conversation

            "It was a mistake to say it, Jonathan.  Get the hell over it.  I have." Lauren snapped angrily as she fought the long blue fabric around her.  She was barely clad and still screaming to Jonathan, who stood a few feet away in a similar state.  Her hair was standing on end and she was furious.  Her lover was doubting her and she did not enjoy this.  They had spent the night involved in…well, extracurricular activities.  

            "You admitted that you still love you husband." Jonathan turned towards her as he grabbed his white button down shirt.  "I wasn't expecting that."

            She shot him a seductive glare, "I fooled you, didn't I?  If I can keep you fooled then I can keep Michael in the dark."  She walked over to him, zipping up the long blue dress up as she crossed the space between them.  "Come on, love.  You honestly think I love that fool?  That's like saying Irinia really loved Jack.  Michael was my job and I did it well."  She tugged on his lapels, straightening them out firmly.  Her hands flew up and she dusted off his shoulders, shooing away invisible dirt.

            He reached down and cupped her face in her hand, "How do I know that you're not fooling me?"

            "You would know.  Any fool would."

***

            Vaughn sighed and looked at Sydney.  She was fussing with the hem of her evening gown and couldn't seem to sit still.  He couldn't help but smile.  "What's the first thing you're going to do when we get back to LA?" He asked, knowing where he wanted this conversation to go.

            She looked up at him and returned the smile, "Take a nice, long bubble bath and have some freshly brewed coffee." She took a moment to reflect on how wonderful that would be.  "What about you?"  She blinked her blue tinted eyes and suppressed a sigh.  She hated to think of what will be.  Making promises, even promises of a cup of coffee and a bubble bath made her hopeful.  And to have hope in this business, would most likely get you killed.  

            He took a slow breath and felt his body grow serious, "I'm filing for a divorce."

            Sydney felt like the contacts were going to pop from her eyes.  "You are?" She managed to cough at last.  Her tongue started to swell in her mouth and her entire mouth started to dry out.  

            "I am." He took a pregnant pause.  "I just want to be happy again."

            She wanted to lung at him and have him take her in his arms.  She wanted to feel his lips pressed to hers and feel his chest vibrate in his chest as he laughed.  But there was another man in the apartment that just confessed his love for her.  "What?"

            He slid closer to her and took her hands into his.  "Sydney, I-" Vaughn felt his chest grow tighter and that familiar skipping a heart beat took over.  "I was only happy when-."  He leaned in closer to her.  

            She went into a state of shock so quickly that she didn't know if her body was functioning anymore.  Her body started to shake and her head started to spin.   "Don't, Vaughn." She said.  She debated whether or not to remove her hands from his grasp or to pull away all together.  She leaned her forehead against his and starred down at their hands still tightly clasped.

            "Please, Sydney.  I need to say this." He stared down at their hands too, squeezing tighter.  

            She swallowed and frowned slightly, "You'll break my heart all over again."

            "I never meant to." He countered quickly.

            She pulled her head up slowly and stared down into his eyes.  She reached forward and felt the electricity spark between the two of them.  It flowed through her and into him.  It sped both of their heart rates and suddenly they were alive with passion.  He pulled her body close to his and just hugged her.  There was no passionate kiss full of love and lust.  There was no quick shedding of clothing or anything else associate with the pent up love.  She just hugged him tightly and squeezed tightly.  It was as if he was going to disappear forever.   She closed her eyes for a moment and just enjoyed being in his arms.  It was the most intimate she had felt with anyone since her return.

            "Mr. Gates, Ms. Roscoe, we're arrived." The driver opened the door when they had arrived at the destination.  

            Sydney sat up straight and fixed her clothes slightly, "I'm so sorry about that, sir." She giggled in a heavy Southern drawl.  Shay Roscoe was a southern belle straight from the heart of Georgia.  "We are just so-"

            "Shay, darling, your talking." Vaughn supplied Carter's response.  He pulled his body away from her and worked his way out into the cold night air.  His body was warm and sweating.

            She followed diligently, grasping his hands tightly, "We really are sorry.  We know how y'all are about," she hushed her voice and leaned in close to the driver, "public displays of affection." She pressed her hand up to her mouth to hide the shy giggle she emitted as she straightened up.  "Carter, darling, are we getting this show on the road?"

            "Of course." He pulled her closer and started to walk towards the regale hotel.  "We'll be back by morning!" Vaughn shouted as he stared to make his way towards the building with Sydney giggling all the way.  

            "Bye-e!" She tittered.  

            The doorman pushed open the doors and inside was a beautiful turned to pace to the lobby complete with fountains, chandeliers, and large bouquets of flowers.  Everything was white and gold with just a splash of red every now and then.  Her black heels clicked in time with classical music that played throughout the lobby. There was no conversation made between them.  Both of them needed to think of what they wanted to say.  The perfect looking couple made their way down the hallway, with gold and sage carpeting with matching faux painted walls.  Everything was gilded and glowed from the yellow lights against the walls.  There was a perfect glow that showed each of their features.  The light shined over her eyes and the accents of her face and on him, the wonderful cleft in his chin and that dimple that only showed when he was happy.

            "Names?" the hotel clerk asked.  Vaughn's hand never left part of her body and took a moment every now and then to pull her closer and whisper into her ear.  She in turned, smiled and pressed her cheek against his.  

            "I don't know if they're under your name or mine, darling.  Try mine first, Shay Roscoe" Sydney smiled and rested her arms against the gold brushed counter top. She gladly furnished her newly applied fake nails.  The gold nail polish caught the candlelight from the countertop.  

            "If not, attempt Carter Gates.   Vaughn filled in, stepping up to stand next to his "wife."

            "Ah yes.  You'll be paying in advance, Mr. Gates?" The clerk looked up and began to smile brightly at him.  She took her hand and placed it near her jaw line.  Sydney couldn't help but feel a ping in the bottom of her stomach….was this Spanish girl flirting with her Vau- Vaughn.  Not her Vaughn, just Vaughn in general.  They weren't together anymore.  Divorce or not, Vaughn and she were no longer an item.  She shouldn't get those familiar jealousy pains in her stomach.  Why wouldn't women want to flirt with him?  Vaughn was cute, sexy, sweet, and Sydney snapped to attention. She needed to focus on what was at hand.  And that matter was fooling everyone at the hotel that she and Vaughn were more than happily married.

            "Yes, of course." Vaughn sighed and opened his wallet.  Someone had put a picture of three children in-computer generated to look like them.  He glanced nervously at Sydney, who tried to mask her surprise.  There goes the thought of being newlyweds.   

            "How adorable, what are  their names?" The clerk noticed the photo.

            Sydney beamed with pride and quickly found three names off the top of her head, "James, Emily, and Sarah."  She smiled down at the picture and back at the clerk. 

            "Beautiful names." The clerk remarked.

            "Oh thank you." Sydney smiled sweetly and watched intently the exchange of money when her cell rang.  She reached into her purse and pulled it out.  "Hello?"

            "It's Perkins." Madison's voice was dripping with apprehension.  

            "Shay, who is it?" Vaughn placed his hand lovingly on her arm.

            "Oh, it's the nanny."  She shook him off a little bit.  Sydney took the phone away from her ear and smiled brightly.  "Please excuse me for a moment."  She glanced quickly from Vaughn to the clerk and back again.

            "Of course." Vaughn nodded at her and turned back to paying with the new credit cards.  

            Her phone was brought back to her ear and turned to pace to the lobby complete with fountains, chandeliers, and large bouquets of flowers.  Everything was white and gold with just a splash of red every now and then.  Her black heels clicked in time with classical music that played throughout the lobby.   "I'm sorry. I'm back."

            "Good. I just wanted to let you know that plans have changed slightly  Lauren and Jonathan are bringing another agent." Madison continued.  There was notable change in her voice.  She was nervous.

            "Yes, very well and we're just checking in now." Her accent was so delicate and strong, no one would ever recognize her.  She let her head rise up and looked at the gilded ceiling.  It was all handcrafted and elegant.  

            "Be safe."

            "Yes, I know and please, tell them I love them too and I'll talk to them very, very soon." Sydney replied, registering the information quickly.  He was right, things were becoming a little fuzzy again and she felt the desperate need to sleep. 

            "Darling, we're ready!" Vaughn called as he walked away from the counter towards Sydney.  

            "I'm sorry I have to go.  I shall call you later?"

            "Be safe." Madison repeated, emphasizing her words but not enough to be really noticed by anyone standing near.

            "Give the children my love.  Bu-bye-e!" Sydney clicked her phone off and put it in bag, slung over her shoulder.  She reached over and picked up her suitcase and it was at that moment that she started to feel every heart beat in her head and every breath in her chest.

            "Let's go." Vaughn ushered her towards the elevator.  His hand were on the small of her back again and his other hand pulled his luggage and she pulled her black case as well.  "Everything all right?"

            "Just fine, everyone's settling in."

            "That's good, that's good." Vaughn attempted to sound like he knew what he was doing and what was going on.  The elevator doors shut and they were the only ones in there.  Vaughn immediately relaxed and leaned against the back of the way, still facing forward.  Sydney smirked at Vaughn's relaxation and stayed straight, watching the doors with an unreadable face.  His eyes watched her intently and finally he spoke, "What are you thinking about?"

            "How much I love hotels." Sydney smiled, tipped her head at the gilded doors.  She never dropped character once.  "I love travel."

            "Since when?  In all the years I've known you, you've hated to fly, hated to sleep in any bed that wasn't your own." He stayed in character too, painfully aware of the security camera pointed at him.

            "Since this trip, darling." She turned her body away from the camera, her too aware of its presence.  Luckily, there was only one.  

            The elevator stopped moving and the doors opened.  They revealed a beautiful gold table with mirror above it.  On either side of the table were two red overstuffed chair and a hallway leading left and right.  They exited out, careful to carry all of their stuff out.  A bellboy had been refused simply because of security matters.  They turned left down the hallway and followed the yellow, gold, and red carpet to room 4358.  Vaughn took the initiative and slide the key into the door.  It opened with a squeak.  There was a large room, complete with couch and small glass table.  There were fresh flowers, smelling brightly of tulips and violets.  Moving further, there was a slightly narrow hallway.   Inside was a hallway with a bathroom on the left and a mirrored closet directly across from it.  There was a large king sized bed in the room with a TV in a walnut casing.  Attached to the stand was an L shape desk with a phone, computer, and fax machine.  At the very edge of the room was a large bay window with gold and white sheer drapes.  There was a beautiful canapé over the bed, that draped in beautiful eggplant colored fabric.  The bed itself was raised and arched slightly.

            Sydney entered the room and threw her stuff down.  Her brain barely focused on what the room looked like.  Everything was becoming fuzzy.  She dropped her bags near the desk.  Her hands subconsciously tucked a stray piece behind her ear, "Bug killers?"  She walked to the bed and collapsed down onto it.

            "I'm way ahead of you." He had already started to rummage through his suitcase and pulled out random objects; a tube of lipstick, a paper clip, a hanger, a shampoo bottle.  One was placed in each corner of the room, including the bathroom and closet.

              He returned, leaning against the wall and let out a long sigh.  His forehead was creased with worry and his eyes were clouded over.  Everything was still a little fuzzy to him. He hadn't even heard her speak.  His mind was clouded over as well.  "I don't know what's going to happen with all of this."

            "Yeah, I know." She replied, not bothering to turn around to face him.  Her eyes were focused out onto the balcony that overlooked the beautiful gardens and tiled pool.  It was dusk and the sun was just barely out of the sky.  Her eyes scanned the horizon and her thoughts becoming clouded over by the medication.  No thoughts were being processed clearly.  "I can't wait to go to sleep."

            Things were to fuzzy.  Maybe if she closed her eyes, and the medication was still in her system, that dream wouldn't come.  "How are you holding up?" She finally asked, rising to her feet and looking back to him, sitting there just as exhausted as she was.

            "Well," He began taking his time with each breath, "I guess as well as expected."  He sighed heavily and felt his body starting to shake, "I just wish that the adrenaline of all of this would start."

            She looked towards him and felt the emotions surge through her.  "Do you remember when my mother escaped from us?  It was right after you were being investigated and they-"

            "Yeah, I remember-why?"

            "You told me that I shouldn't be on the taskforce because you thought I would hesitate.  And, as much as I hate to admit this, I did hesitate and not only did she get away but it also cost Emily her life."

            He took a step towards her but she put her hands up to stop him.  "Syd, you can't think that it's your fault-"

            She shook her head, "I don't but that's not the point.  I need to know, Vaughn; are you going to hesitate?"

            He looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach.  There was a look of pain in his face that she had never seen before.  He looked away from her for a moment and felt his stomach knot up.  His chest grew tight and for a split moment, he thought he was going to have a heart attack.  "My father never trusted easily.  He always said that trusting people could get you killed.  And I believe that's what killed him.  He trusted someone somewhere along the lines and that's what got him killed.  He also never forgave people.  I guess you could say that I inherited that.  I never forgive."

            "You never know what's-"

            "Sydney, listen to me." He hissed.  "Lauren Reed is nothing more than a target that we need to take into custody.  We'll neutralize her, Jonathan Ross, and the third agent.  End of story.  This is the end of this conversation."       


	18. Dangerous Liasions

Author's Note: I'm sorry it's been a while since I've updated...I'm sorry...life's gotten so crazy! I hope you like the next couple of chapters...be forewarned...it's gonna get a little weird and you're gonna wonder what the hell I was thinking when I wrote this but...bear with me. Keep this in mind...whatever you think about Kilmer and Madison or Sydney and Vaughn....it's about to totally turned around...You think you know but you have no idea.  
  
"This cannot be the end of story, Vaughn. What if you hesitate? That could cost me my life and you yours. I will not allow you to come back to the States in pieces!" Sydney forced herself up to her feet but swayed a little bit. She was tired of feeling sick. She just wanted to go home and slip into a drug induced sleep. Her ed eyes blinked rapidly as she focused on Vaughn's unmoving form.  
  
Vaughn raked his hands threw the black hair he was forced to wear. It made him look and feel like a totally different person, which he supposed was the point. "How many times have you put your life on the line? Since you've gotten back, you've been reckless-"  
  
"I've been reckless?" She repeated incredibly, unable to fathom where he was truly going with this.  
  
"Yes." Vaughn starred her down. "So don't you dare-"  
  
She unleashed a deadly demon suddenly, "Would you like to know why I've been reckless, Vaughn? If you haven't been so busy to notice- I've had nothing to live for!" She threw her hands down at her side and felt the rawness of her soul bared. She hated to feel this naked in front of him.  
  
"What? How can you say that, Sydney?" He took a stepped towards her. He couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. He had never heard her talk this way before. There was an incident, something like four years ago, that she stated that she had no reason to live but that...that was over four years ago.  
  
"Because it's true! Vaughn, I am living in hell. I don't sleep at night because I'm haunted by my past. I can't get through my day because I'm haunted by my present. What is there to do Vaughn? I don't live anymore. I go through the motions. Being reckless-that's what keeps me alive. It's the life or death balance that keeps me going!" She shook her head, "But none of this matters! You're playing an-"  
  
He threw his hands up, the black tuxedo wrinkled in the wake of the movement. "I can't believe what you're saying! Why didn't you say anything to me? What-"  
  
"How could I tell you, Vaughn? How could I tell you that it breaks my heart to see you every time you're near Lauren? How could I confide in you when you were sleeping with another woman in your bed at night?" She felt her body choke with emotion. It had been long pent up frustration that was screaming through her now. She couldn't stop the charge of exasperation from exploding like an atomic bond.  
  
"Well, that's not going to be an issue anymore." His voice dripped with sarcasm.  
  
She matched his tone evenly, "Do you want me to be happy for you? You loved me so much that it almost killed you and I love you enough to let you go. I've let you go. You were never mine and you're not mine anymore."  
  
There was a long silence between the two. Both were breathing heavily with the hostility brewing between them. Exhaustion made emotions run high. Neither really knew what they were saying or really cared. It was all a total blur. Somewhere in the distance, a clock rang out the time. It was only a matter of time. They both came to a realization in that half of a moment. Sydney drew in a sharp breath and turned away from them. It was only a matter of time before Lauren and Jonathan arrived with the third agent in toe.  
  
LATER THAT EVENING  
  
The tension was so thick in the air, it couldn't have been cut with even a knife. They moved throughout the room without making any contact, physical or otherwise. Sydney had retired to the bed and laid there, trying not to close her eyes. Vaughn sat in the living area, head in hands, just thinking. There was a sturdy knock on the door. A panicked look was sent back and forth between the two warring agents.  
  
Vaughn rushed to the door and looked into the peephole. There were three people standing outside of his door and he felt the pulse in his brain thicken. He pulled it open slowly and was shocked at the sight. "Hello." He said, accent in tact. "Come on in, please."  
  
Lauren paraded in first, her gold evening gown weighed heavily on her tiny form and her blonde hair, newly bleached and curled, bounced with each step. Her eyes, sapphire blue, starred hard and cold as she walked in surveying the scene. "Hello." She greeted with the same icy tone that matched her eyes.  
  
Two men in black suits followed her and watched Vaughn close the door behind them. He glared at both of them and knew immediately what truly wanting revenge was like. He recognized the third man and knew that his recapture into CIA custody was in reach. It would only be a matter of time. It quickened his pulse even further and his breath started to move more rapidly through his chest.  
  
"Carter Gates?" Jonathan Ross turned towards Vaughn and waited for the affirmative.  
  
He fought to get a hold of his emotions. Adrenaline, mostly. "I'm Carter Gates and this is my wife, Shay Roscoe." Vaughn walked over to Sydney, who eagerly stood outside of his arms with his hand on her lower back.  
  
"How do you do, sir?" Sydney extended her hand to Jonathan, who took it and kissed it softly. "And you are, sir?" She smiled bright and kept her broad eyes barely blinking.  
  
"Jonathan Ross. This is my fiancée, Lauren Reed and our associate-"  
  
Vaughn felt like his eyes were going to pop from his head. His veins seemed to surge around his neck and he looked as though he was going to drop Jonathan Ross at any moment.  
  
"I'd really prefer not to mention my name, if that's alright for all parties." The third man spoke and his voice sent chills through Sydney's and Vaughn's bodies. They both hated him with equaled passion but couldn't let the man know that they know who he was. It would blow both of their covers.  
  
"Do whatever makes y'all comfortable." Sydney smiled warmly. "Ms. Reed, it is a pleasure to meet you." She shook hands with the she-devil.  
  
Lauren shared a genuine smile. "Likewise, Ms, Roscoe. Your reputation precedes you, Ms. Roscoe. I've heard wonderful things about you. I'm so please you're thinking of joining us." Shay Roscoe was a sugary sweet house wife from the deep south with a taste for killing. Who would suspect the sweet thing would able to bring men three times her size crashing to their knees. "We'd rather have people like you for us than against us."  
  
"Why Ms. Reed! You flatter me way too much! Let's sit in the living room, shall we? I'd hate to talk business standing up." Sydney herded the group of international terrorists into the living room. G-d, this business made her sick sometimes. The three Covenant agents sat down on the couch, Lauren in Jonathan's arms.  
  
"Do you happen to have any scotch? My throat's drier than the Sahara!" The third man turned towards Sydney and asked, his sugary sweet accent made Sydney's skin sticky. He was trying to conceal his natural accent for reasons passing understanding. Lauren and Jonathan refrained from shooting him dirty looks but instead, smiled politely at the third member of their party.  
  
Vaughn stopped near the doorway, trying to conceal his anger about Lauren and Jonathan. "I can check if you'd like."  
  
Sydney smiled and took this as a key to keep enhancing her character, "We just got here and lord knows what this hotel has! No offense but in the States, you can get whatever you want from the hotel-"  
  
"Shay, darling, your talking." Vaughn caught her elbow as a sign for her to slow it down. "Whatever you want, we can order up from room service, sir."  
  
The nameless man nodded and smiled and joined the couple on the couch. He kept his tone soft and conversed lightly with Jonathan and Lauren.  
  
Vaughn was very uneasy about this man but something about him made Sydney completely panicked. He took her towards the small bar that was established near the large dresser. "We need to get a plan of action."  
  
"I thought you would have one." Sydney hissed back, fighting the urge to slap him upside the head. "We have two in our armoire. We wait until one leaves, get the other two and then take the third down."  
  
"This is like basic training 101." Vaughn grinned back as he found an old bottle of scotch and poured it into the small glass. "Sir, would you like ice?" His accented voice shouted through the doorway.  
  
"No." The true heritage of the third agent started to come through, much to his dismay.  
  
Sydney came swaying back in, lounging against the doorframe, "Is there anything I can get y'all?" She made her noise crinkle and she laughed lightly for no apparent reason.  
  
"I'm fine. Anything for you, sweetie?" Jonathan kissed the temple of Lauren's head. She in turn caressed the inside of his knee.  
  
"Nothing for me." She turned her head and looked deep into his eyes. Lauren started to kiss Jonathan's cheek and moved onto his lips. She quickly laid him against the couch, continuing to kiss him in growing passion. "Business can wait for a while." She murmured between passionate kisses.  
  
The third agent shifted his weight over and looked uneasy. It was an awkward situation and this man was not one for public displays of affection, especially if he wasn't involved in it.  
  
Sydney instantly felt uncomfortable and turned back towards Vaughn, suppressing a shudder. This was disgusting. Watching her ex-boyfriend's wife cheat on him with a sorry excuse for an agent.  
  
Vaughn took the hint and made his way back into the living area. He handed the third agent his scotch and took Sydney in his arms. She felt a little strange doing this but knew that he had to have a plan. He grabbed her and pressed his body tightly to hers. "I agree with Ms. Reed."  
  
Searching for some reason in his eyes, Sydney saw the crafty man that she was in love with. No, that she had loved. She was no longer in love with Vaughn and she had to remember that. She was no longer in love with anyone anymore. She was finished.  
  
But Vaughn had other plans. He pressed her close to him and ducked his head down until his lips met hers. Electricity flowed through their lips and it was a kiss of pure unrequited love and lust. Their tongue tangled up in each other and Sydney had a hard time repressing a low moan as his moved away from her mouth and concentrated on her jugular. He quickly pinned her against the doorframe and they continued to kiss.  
  
Sydney's mind was going a mile per minute and at the same time, she couldn't think straight. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts. She forgot what his lips felt against hers and what it was like to be to be kissed like this.  
  
Wow.  
  
The third agents started to clear his throat loudly again and again. He was growing more and more uncomfortable by the moment. "I'm just gonna be in the restroom, if any of you...." He trailed off slightly. "You won't need me." He got up and made his way towards the bathroom, locking the door firmly behind him.  
  
Vaughn pulled Sydney away from the doorway and tossed her onto the bed, lying on top of her. She rolled over and straddled his hips and leaned down to kiss him but he moved. She looked at him puzzled. Placing his finger to his lips, he stretched up behind him and grabbed the two tranquilizer guns he had stashed when he poured the scotch. Sydney understood instantly and took the gun in her hand. Vaughn also pressed two restraints into her hand. "Too easy." He breathed.  
  
Sydney swung her legs to the side and jumped to her feet and felt that Vaughn was right behind her. Turning the corner, they each took a shot. Lauren jumped first, feeling the dart penetrate her shoulder blade. Jonathan quickly followed and felt it in his arm.  
  
Lauren starred at Vaughn with wide eyes and searched for an explanation.  
  
"It doesn't do well to well to betray me, Lauren." Vaughn hissed as he watched his wife fall unconscious.  
  
"What the-"the third agent came barreling from the bathroom at the sudden noise. Sydney shot him once in the throat and down the man fell.  
  
"That was too easy." Sydney grinned and she walked towards the third agent and had to restrain from kicking him in the ribcage. "I've waited you bound and gagged from the moment that I saw you, you horrible son of a bitch." She hissed as she fastened the clear plastic tightly around his wrists. She moved onto his ankles and fastened them tightly. With much disdain, she rolled pulled him to the center of the room. Lauren was being tied up by Vaughn, who had to restrain the same force from not beating her. He was not a violent man but something about her and this whole situation made his blood run cold. Jonathan was tied up last.  
  
Vaughn stood up besides Sydney and looked down at the three unconscious agents. "I wish that-"  
  
"Don't say anything, okay? I just need-don't say anything." Sydney murmured, her brain still fuzzy from the romantic endeavor from thirty seconds earlier. Her face was still flushed and her body was humming at such a rate that she thought she would pass out at any moment. Her heart rate was beating at such a pace that she could barely see straight.  
  
"Is everything-"  
  
"Vaughn." She breathed as she tried to focus on the task in front of her. Her brown eyes then scanned towards Vaughn and she tried so hard not too knit her brows in concern and collapse into a large heap.  
  
"Syd." He smiled. Oh lord, did he mean what he said in the limo earlier? Did he want to kiss her right then or was this like Noah on her first mission in Paris? He had kissed her in the alley way of Paris to conceal their identities from an oncoming attacker.  
  
"We-uh-we should call Madison and Kilmer to tell her that we've got Lauren and Jonathan."  
  
Oh shit. Kilmer. Sydney felt the red rush to her face again and she wasn't a hundred percent sure she could catch her breath. Of course, the two men that she once loved would show their love for her within hours of each other. She honestly didn't know what to do anymore. Would Kilmer sweep her off of her feet all over again and they could have that same sort of torrid love affair that they always wanted but never had the true chance to realize or would she go with Kilmer and go back to the safe, ever loving arms of her former handler, where she knew every inch of his face and every emotions of his heart?  
  
"I'll go and alert the authorities. Will you be alright with them by yourself?"  
  
Vaughn simply nodded and walked towards Lauren. "You cold hearted, son of a bitch. You thought you could play me to the end, didn't you? Did you think I wouldn't figure out your little secret? Well, you screwed up." He had to restrain from killing her right then and there. But uncontrollably, he leaned forward and found his hands hovering over her neck. 


	19. An Affair To Remember

Thank you to all of the readers who have stayed faithful to my little story!!  Your reviews make my day!!!

            He heard the door slam behind her and looked over to see if she was truly gone.  "You played me, Lauren.  Are you happy now?  Are you?  You destroyed my life all because you thought it would be a good career move for you.  G-d.  I can't believe that I let you con me.  I was such a willing little pawn in your twisted game.  You think you've won, sweetheart but you haven't.  I caught you and your little boyfriend." His hands still hovered around his neck but he dropped them in sudden anguish. 

            He dropped his head down and shook in back and forth, "You almost made me stoop to your level, you pompous little bitch." He stood up and walked away from the group for a moment.  "G-d." He ran his hands through the black hair that felt most unnatural.  "I can't believe you.  Well, I guess if our secrets are coming out…I only married you to get over Sydney.  You were my rebound girl.  I needed someone to stop the pain-stop the hurting and you were it.  I blinded myself by my own caring and affection for Sydney and turned it into loving you.  I guess we really are like Jack and Irinia.  I played both parts and you just played hers.  I fooled myself into loving you.  For a while, it was a job.  It was.  In the beginning, that horrible honeymoon period, it was a job.  I had to force myself to love you and then, it started to become easier and easier.  Soon, I actually convinced myself that I did love you.  And I still do, which make this all the harder.  You played me, Lauren.  But really, I guess I played myself."  He lied to make himself feel better.  Parts of it were true.  He did love her.  And she was the rebound girl but it was never a job.  He always had legitimate feelings for her and saying their vows was not torturous.  Neither was kissing her good-night. 

            He stopped and looked around the hotel room, catching his reflection in a mirror.  "This has taken its toll and it's over.  I'm done." He abruptly turned towards her, "If they don't kill you first, I'm going."  He started to pace and realized this mid-stride.  "Why did you do this to me?  Why me?  Why this?  I don't understand this at all.  I want you to make me understand."

            He walked back, looked at his beautiful wife, and cringed.  "I love you and you used me."

            Sydney smiled satisfactory as the elevator doors opened back up to the floor.  Everything was going as planned.  All she needed to do was call Madison and she had already dialed the number.  Things were beginning to go right for a change.  The dress she wore floated around her and she felt freer than she had in a long.  They captured the man that was trying to kill them, McKennas Cole a wanted man since his escape from federal prison, and Lauren Reed, a mole within the CIA.     

            _Pigtails._  That's what he nicknamed her.  _Pigtails._  He was a dirty bastard that deserved whatever should come to him in the coming months.  Hell, she almost hoped they found her mother, just so she could be put in a neighboring cell and torture the daylights out of him.  Irinia Derevko had a way with people sometimes.

            Sydney laughed softly to herself again as she realized that three of the most evil people on the face of the earth were lying in a hotel room, waiting to be taken into custody.  If there was ever a good day, today was it.  There were rare but she learned to treasure them.

            She kept a careful eye on the people that walked by her but her heart couldn't have been fuller.  Vaughn's lips had been brushed up against hers.  His hands had been on her body.  There were such chills running through her body.  She and Vaughn be together….if she didn't chose Kilmer….but Kilmer was with Madison and they had a daughter together….but she could choose Vaughn….but did Vaughn want her?

            "Hello?" Madison's voice whispered over the cell phone. 

            "Hey-it's me." Sydney bubbled, sans accent.  "We did it."

            "Oh thank G-d." Madison choked back her emotions.  She was sitting a home, still dressed in her evening gown but beside herself with grief.  Her tiny frame was shaking violently and she just wanted to die.  It had never been a feeling she had felt but now she understood what it was like to regret her life.    

            "What's wrong?" The euphoria of doing things right had come to a crashing end.  There was a dry sob in Madison's voice that sent chills through Sydney's body.

            Madison wiped her eyes and hung her head low.  Her body was deteriorating faster than she could truly think about it.  Never did she ever think that this would ever happen.  It had been her worst fear and biggest nightmare to come to this realization.  The mascara had dripped down her face and left black spider-like veins in their wake.  She was shaking.  "I need you to get back home as soon as possible."

            "What happened?" Sydney asked again, her hands swiping the electronic key through the door.  She titled her head to the side and pushed the door open as the green light flashed, granting her access. 

            She stuffed the emotion back in her throat and choked hard on it.  "They're gone."

            Sydney let the door slam behind her and felt her blood run cold.  Things were beginning to make sense.  Why else would-no, no this wouldn't happen.  "Who?  Who's gone, Madison?"   She placed her hand on the wall to steady herself.  It was cold and smooth beneath her aged hands. 

            "Robbie and Layla.  They're gone." Now the floodgates opened and she was no longer able to talk. 

            "We'll be back as soon as we can.  Hang on, Madison.  Just hang on.  Don't do anything rash.  Just sit there and wait for us." Sydney felt like she had been punched in the stomach.  The jump in emotions was absolutely incredible and it still scared her that things could change that like so quickly.  "Vaughn!  Vaughn, they've taken Kilmer and Layla!" She shouted into the space and saw Vaughn starring over his unconscious wife. 

            His head whipped around, "What?  When?"

            "I don't know.  I just got off the phone with Madison, she sounds horrible, and she said that they're gone.  They took the little girl." Her hand flew up to her mouth and she gasped.  "And if it's Covenant, they're going to kill her."

            "Then we need to get back."

            _"In all honesty, I could give a crap what you do to me.  But if you hurt my daughter, I swear to G-d that I will rip you limb by limb." __Madison__ spat angrily.  She fought against the restraints that bound her to the metal table._

_            The man walked around her in silence.  He seemed completely devoid of emotion and was unwilling to speak.  His blonde hair had been cut unusually close to his scalp and part of him was still debating whether or not he liked it. _

_            "What?  Are you afraid to speak to me?" __Madison__ grinned evilly.  "Afraid you may say something you might regret?"_

_            The man turned abruptly so that he was standing behind the chained agent and threw down the release.  Madison's made was lying flat against the table, running parallel to the floor.  With one swift motion, he delivered four quick blows to her face.  Expecting some sort of reaction, he stopped._

_Madison__ ran her tongue over her bloodied teeth, tasting it instantly, "That the best you got?"  She had one thing going for her.  She knew when to get her attackers riled up.  But it was okay.  She knew what she was doing-she hoped she knew what she was doing.  It might be the last thing she ever has to do._

_            "Don't you want to know where your daughter is, Agent Perkins?  Or maybe your partner?" His cocky British accent made his words sound that much crueler.  "I know you love both of them and hate to see them hurt." He bent down next to her and whispered softly in her ear.  "So why don't you just tell me what you want and I won't be forced to kill your little girl."_

_            "I will kill you." __Madison__ hissed.  Never mess with a mother and her daughter.  She felt the anger and rage pent up inside her, dying to be released.  "I will make sure that you burn."_

_            "Tell me what I need to know then."_

_            "Screw you."_

_            "Yes, yes screw me.  Do you know how many times I've been told that, Agent Perkins?" He round the other side of the table and stood beside her, surveying her body.  "It's a casual thing.  I've been called much worse."  He turned away from her and motioned into the darkness of the warehouse.  A man came forward, dressed in black head to toe, carrying a toddler.  "This must be Layla."_

_            "__Sark__, I swear to G-d, don't you hurt her!  Please!" Madison yelled again, pushing hard on her restraints until she felt her limbs start to bleed._

_            Sark took the babe into his arms and rocked her gently, "Despite popular opinion, I have always had a soft spot in my heart for children.  Especially little girls.  Especially this little girl."_

_            "I'm surprised you have a heart at all." Madison softened her voice, knowing the affects this incident may have on the little girl._

_            "Well, I do." He smiled sadly.  He turned towards __Madison__, rocking gurgling Layla in his arms.  "Girls grow up into women and women, I find, are the best in this business.  Their powers of-" he titled his head to one side, scanning Madison's body cloaked in a royal purple cocktail dress, "seduction tend to be the most effective.  I myself have fallen victim to many women's attempts.  I think this little one will be one of the best.  Just like her mother."_

_Madison__ felt her blood run cold.  Was it possible that she had been made?  No, __Sark__ was smart but he wasn't possibly that smart.  There was no way in hell that he could possibly know._

_            And yet, there was that possibility._

_            "What do you want from me?" __Madison__ relinquished to his threats.  _

_            "I want you tell me everything you learned from Agent Robert Adam Kilmer."  He watched the black haired beauty struggle with this for a moment.  She would betray everything she had been taught all for the life of her daughter.  She would even sacrifice her future and her life.   "Agent Perkins, I do mean this with the utmost respect-"_

_            "Damn your respect, Julian." __Madison__ whispered, fighting an internal battle whether to divulge secrets._

_            "If you refuse, you will never see your daughter again.  If you refuse, she will grow up under my care and I will turn her into a truly great agent. It's in her blood.  You know and I know that-"_

_            "Julian!" __Madison__ shouted to stop him._

_            " Is that what you really want, __Madison__?  I know it isn't.  I know you better than you know yourself." He started to tell his story, something he rarely did with people.   "Maddie, don't you remember what is like back in-"_

_            "We don't to go there, Jules.  That was the past.  We were teenagers.  How the hell were suppose to know that we'd end up in lives like this.  Past or not, I-"_

_            "Maddie, look at your daughter." __Sark__ pleaded.  "I don't want to have to do this.  Just, just tell me what you know about Kilmer and we can put this whole mess behind us."_

_            "How do I know that I can trust you?"_

_            "You don't.  Have faith in your instincts.  I know you, Maddie.  Just tell me." He leaned in close to her and with his sparkling blue eyes, urged her on.  _

_            She sighed, feeling the tears of yesteryear reemerge.  "Agent Robert Adam Kilmer is a special agent within Project Dying Rose.  He's been undercover for twelve years and one of his assignments was working with high class intel. That's how he got recruited to the CIA from SD-6.  Arvin Sloane had tasked him to research Irinia Derevko and her whereabouts." She cleared her throat and continued, "After he was pulled from SD-6, he did the same research from the CIA."_

_            "How do you fit in the picture, __Madison__?"_

_            She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, "I was sent by the CIA  to work with him, seduce him, and discover if he was leaking any information.  There was a while that they thought he was."_

_            "So you were given access to all of his files?"_

_            Madison nodded, shutting her eyes firmly, allowing one tear to escape.  She was startled when she felt a pair of lips kissing them away.  Her eyes shot up and there was __Sark__, lips to her temple.  "Jules, we can't repeat the past."_

_            "Just tell me what you know about Project Dying Rose." He urged on, removing one hand from around Layla and to the face of her mother.  "Maddie." _

_            "I don't know." __Madison__ confessed.  She pulled against her restraints once more, now trying to get a hold of her emotions.  "Jules, I've told you everything.  Let me go.  You have no use for me.  Let me hold my daughter."_

            Madison let out an angry sigh and was tempted to smack everything off the table with her bare arm.  She had been playing and replaying that scenario over and over in her head.  She had been crying, something very unprofessional.  She had been all made up, perfectly applied make-up with batting eyelashes and plump lilac colored lips.  Her long black hair was replaced with even longer brown hair with thick twenty-pound bangs.  Her body was wrapped in a long purple strapless dress that trained behind her as she walked.  Her body was aching as she thought further about her daughter in imperious danger.  "G-d." She whispered hoarsely as she watched the door, waiting for it to open.

            And not soon enough (about an hour and a half later), it swung open.  "Madison!"  Sydney pushed the door open and practically flew into the apartment.  She gathered her skirt in her hands stumbled in with Vaughn close behind. 

            Madison picked her head up from her hands and saw Sydney standing near the doorway.  She motioned for the two agents to come in towards her.

            Sydney found herself sitting next to Madison near the couch, cradling her hands in her own.  "What happened?"

            Madison reached out towards Sydney and found herself crying all over again.  "They-they-"

            Sydney gripped her hands tightly and looked at her with sympathetic eyes, "Madison, please."

            Madison was beyond emotional control, "Robbie went to drop Layla off at Anastasia's and he never came back.  It's been three and a half hours.  What could have happened?  It normally only takes twenty minutes and it's been three and a half hours.  It's because of the project!  It's all their fault! It's all my fault!"  The tears started to flow freely now and she found herself collapsing  into Sydney's arms. 

             Sydney looked desperately back at Vaughn and wished for some support.  She searched his green eyes for some sort of response and wished they were anywhere than where they were.  She wanted to be safe in her old apartment, wrapped in her old clean sheets, with Vaughn's arms slung around her waist.  Her colored contact eyes blinked slowly and saw him mirror the same sentiment.  "We'll get them back.  Don't worry.  Vaughn and I can-"

            "We need to start working on a plan, Syd." Vaughn said hoarsely from his stance at the door.  He walked in slowly and hunched down besides Sydney and Madison.  He discreetly or indiscreetly, depending on how you view the entire situation entirely, placed his hand on the small of her back.  Sydney felt her blood run pale. 

            "Madison," Vaughn's raspy voice caused her to pick her head up, "I give you my word that we will find Kilmer and Layla and get them home safe." 

            "Just get my baby home safe, please." Madison pleaded through her tears.  She reached out and touched Vaughn's face, "Get my baby home, please."

            Vaughn nodded in solemn understanding and started to rise.  Sydney took the hint and helped Madison up to her feet.  She took her under the arms and ushered her over to the couch and settled her down.  "Right now, we need you to stay here and keep yourself together, alright?"  She watched Madison bury her head in hands before looking to Vaughn for support.  Her heart was breaking for two reasons, both of them obvious but one of them selfish.  Sydney felt her stomach turn with the sickness of her own desires.  The cool calm façade was fading slowly as she thought that she and Kilmer might actually be together.  If they did ever find Kilmer, alive, he would have to leave Madison, who observably loved him.  And he would have to leave his darling daughter.  The idea of that made her stomach turned.  She would never be responsible for breaking up a steady, happy marriage.  That's why she never pushed Vaughn since her return and was distant and unsure on how to react to Vaughn separating Lauren.  Divorce or not, traitor or not, she was still his wife.  This made her so incredibly sick.

             Vaughn patted her softly on the shoulder and walked over to the kitchen, waiting for Sydney to follow.  She smiled politely to Madison and tried hard not to burst into tears right then and there.  Instead, she pushed to her feet and walked over to him, who ushered her over to the corner of the apartment.   Actually the kitchen to be precise. 

            Vaughn kept his back to the rest of the apartment and kept his head down.  With one hand on his hip and the other going through his hair, he managed to force out a whisper, "This can't end good."


	20. Truth Be Told

            Sydney nodded her head in understanding, "We're assuming Covenant?" She crossed her arms over her chest and snapped into business form.  Her brown eyes glowed with the adrenaline of getting a job done and getting it right.  When it mattered, she was one of the best agents in the field.   

            Vaughn sighed and nodded, "There could be other threats but it just seems more logical.  We can't discount Lauren and Jonathan  Just because they're-" There was a flash and suddenly, more dread filled Vaughn than ever before.  There had to be a tie in between Lauren and Jonathan being captured and the kidnapping.  Was there another mole at the CIA who knew about the capture?  Nothing was making sense.   "When did Madison say that she last heard from Kilmer?"  He prayed that he wasn't right. 

            Sydney shot him a worried look and answered briskly, "Right when we were checking in.  Why?  What are you thinking?"

            "That son of a bitch." Vaughn hissed beneath his breath.  He looked at Sydney, who he hoped would understand without him detailing it further. 

            She raised her eyebrows slightly.  "Vaughn?" Sydney pressed her lips together and waited for a reply. 

            "We're going to get in touch with base ops, ask for their authorization, and then go ahead.  We're going to screw over Lauren as much as she did me."  He clenched his jaw down and furrowed his brow.  The revenge started to take over his body.  All he could think of was getting Lauren out of the picture, permanently.  He would kill her if he had to.  Lord knows that he wanted to.

            Something in her stomach wanted to slap Vaughn clear across the face.  He was getting his emotions up into a tailspin and this could only end in tragedy.  "But until the kidnappers make their demands, we can't make any accusations.  It may not be Covenant." She fought to keep eye contact with him.  She finally caught the green spheres and followed his gaze to meet hers.   "Vaughn, we can't make an accusations."

            "I heard you the first time." Vaughn snapped and he moved to brush past her.

            Sydney acted out of instinct and grabbed his arm, pulling him back towards her, "Listen to me, Vaughn.  You can't act like this.  I need you to pull it together.  I know it hurts-" Her tone was strangled and harsh.

            His jaw remained clenched and he remained abrasive. "Don't tell me what this is like.  You don't know what it's like to be betrayed." He pulled his wrist away from her, only to find that she grabbed him again.

            They stood there in silence for a moment.  He starred at her hand, gripping his forearms tightly.  He moved to walk away again, pulling himself out of her grasp but was stopped once more.  Sydney grabbed his shoulder.  Their motions stopped again.  She pulled herself closer to him and found her forehead pressed against his.  Her hands flew up to the back of his neck and his arms were wrapped around the small of her neck.  Their eyes were locked on the ground and neither was really breathing.  "Don't make this harder than it has to be for Madison.  This is the most difficult thing that she's ever going to go through.  Don't make this harder for her."

            Vaughn nodded against her forehead and started to breathe more regularly.  He didn't realize how natural it felt to have his arms around her frame.  It had been such a long time since he pushed the thoughts of her touch out of his head.  He had forced himself to.  There was no way that he could indulge in the memories of them dancing at the wedding, which felt like forever ago.  He had to forget the feelings that rushed through him and how he never wanted to part from her.  There was an electricity that flowed through both of them whenever they touched. 

            Her eyes were trained down to the floor.  Their hands slowly dropped down from their positions and joined each other at their sides, becoming clasped there.  Sydney squeezed his hands tightly and drew in a slow breath.  "Let's start at the beginning of this, alright?  We're not going to get anywhere making wild claims. 

            He released one hand and ran it along her jaw.  "Okay."

            "Okay."  Her breath hitched slightly in her throat as she looked up and stepped back slightly.  "Why would they want Kilmer and Layla?"

            Vaughn cleared his throat softly, "Madison, you said that it was because of the project.  What was it?" Vaughn brushed past Sydney, his mind thinking faster than his mouth.

            Madison craned her neck and rested her chin against the couch, "Project Dying Rose."

            "What was it?" Vaughn pressed further.

            Madison sighed and turned back around so not to face them.  She stifled the sob mercilessly, "Robbie is a special agent within Project Dying Rose.  He's been undercover for twelve years and one of his assignments was working with high class intel. That's how he got recruited to the CIA from SD-6.  Arvin Sloane had tasked him to research Irinia Derevko and her whereabouts." She cleared her throat and continued, "After he was pulled from SD-6, he did the same research from the CIA." She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, "I was sent by the CIA  to work with him, seduce him, and discover if he was leaking any information.  There was a while that they thought he was."

            Sydney shot a concerned look towards Vaughn but pushed the thoughts of finding her mother out of her head.  It had been a subject she had been thinking about a lot.  She missed her mother more than she would admit to anyone but she had.  She wanted to see her mother again.  Pulling her hands away slowly, she made her way back to the living room.  Her long skit still swished and swayed in her wake.  "Was he?"

            "No.  I found nothing." Madison took in a slow breath and pushed to her feet, turning around to face Vaughn and Sydney, who both exchanged equally concerned looks, "I-"

            The phone began to ring and it was the most deafening sound in the world.  Madison lunged towards it and fell to her knees in front of the phone, "Hello?"

            "I was hoping you would answer the phone, Agent Perkins." A sharp tone answered back.

            The blood started to run cold in her body.  She started running all the situations through her head again and was filled with utmost terror and dread.  "What have you done to my daughter?  Where is my husband?" Madison snapped back angrily.

            And Sydney felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach.  Yes, Kilmer belonged with Madison. 

            Sark scoffed audibly,  "Oh, Madison.  Stay calm.  I would never hurt the little-"

            "Listen to me, you son of a bitch, what do you want from me?  What the hell do you want from me?" Madison lost her temper and started to scream into the phone, her body completely shaking. 

            "I want the files and you seem to have lost my associates.   I want them back.  I get all of that and you get your precious boy toy and  the little girl back." And with that, Sark hung up. 

            Madison took a moment and starred down at the black, secure line phone.  It was a moment before she returned it to the holder and took a breath.  "It's Covenant that has them.  It-that was-Sark.  He has Layla and Robbie.  He's going to kill them.  Oh G-d and Sark knows that-oh G-d.  Oh G-d!" Madison plummeted down the ground, hugging her chest so tightly, she could swear that her chest was going to collapse. 

            Vaughn rushed forward and felt her crash into his arms.  "Whoa, whoa, whoa.  C'mon, Madison, talk to us."

            Madison just continued to wail uncontrollably, "He knows!  He's going to tell Robbie and I don't know what I'm going to do-what am I going to do?  My whole life-"

            "Madison, please.  Take a breath.  Just take a breath." Sydney hushed softly, as she nestled down by the coffee table.  "Take your time.  Just please-tell us what happened?"

            Madison sat up and starred at both of them with wide eyes, "If Robbie finds out, he'll kill me.  Oh G-d, he'll kill me." She moaned and leaned forward, clutching her chest. 

            "Madison…Madison, please." Vaughn pleaded softly. 

            "Layla-" She swallowed back the tears and tried to talk again, "Layla's not Robbie's daughter."

            Sydney's eyes grew wide as she thought of the information, "What does that have to do with Layla and Kilmer being kidnapped?"  She couldn't ask the usual questions or have a normal reaction.  It just wasn't tangible.  She had to think like an agent. 

            "They were taken by Layla's biological father or who I think is her biological father."

            "And who's that?" Vaughn pushed softly, waiting to hear but not knowing what to expect. 

            "Julian Sark."

            "What?  Madison?" Sydney asked softly, slightly horrified.

            Madison took in a slow, sickened breath.  "Before I joined the agency, I was together with Julian Sark.  We were together for almost two years.  We were both in our teens…we had no idea of the reality of our actions.  He never knew what I was planning on doing with my life and I didn't ask questions about his long weekends." She let out a slow sigh, "Then about two and a half, three years ago, we met up again.  Robbie was out of town on business and I don't know what happened.  It was a total blur and the next thing that I can clearly remember is going into the affiliated lab for some blood work…I hadn't been feeling too well and I was nervous.  Turns out, I was pregnant with Layla.  I did the math and crunched the numbers…the baby had to be Julian's." The emotions started to block her vocal cords, "Robbie never knew that Julian and I were together and he most certainly never knew that I had an affair…he thinks that Layla's his.  He can never know." She started to sob.  "I love Robbie so much…he'll surely leave me and take Layla with him if he finds out.  He can't leave me.  I love him.  I love him."

_Okay…quick cheat sheet….Madison had an affair with Julian Sark (or Jules as she called him in the last chapter) when she was younger.  She's a good agent and works just for the CIA. She's was not a mole nor is she one now. The CIA sent her to seduce or befriend, depending on how you want to spin it, Kilmer to see if he was leaking secrets to any other agencies.  Think of it as the CIA checking up on its own.  Kilmer wasn't but __Madison__ truly fell in love with him and didn't want to be assigned back to LA.  Kilmer never knew why he was suddenly partnered with __Madison__ but never questioned it.  Does that clear it up?  I know my writing can get confusing sometimes unless there are detailed charts and diagrams_.

_Concerning Lauren, Jonathan, and Cole (I had to had to had throw him in there for good measure)…they were taken into custody…Sydney and Vaughn DID wait until the authorities did arrive before splitting…I don't know if anyone really caught that but I felt funny about it when I was rereading some of my chapters._

_Is there anything I'm leaving out?  Feel free to ask me many questions!!  Also, if you feel that my writing is lacking in certain areas, please let me know…these last couple of chapters have been difficult to write…I've had SUCH a severe case of writer's block…they start getting better now….  _

_New Update coming within the week!___


	21. Her Mother's Daughter

Author's Note: This chapter gets kind of dark and there is some very heated conversation between two characters. Just thought I would forewarn...  
  
"Well, this certainly complicates the situation. How is Agent Perkins holding up?" Dixon asked, the concerned measure growing rapidly in his voice. He sat back down into his comfortable black swivel chair. His dark eyes were glued to the speak phone and each breath was slow and calculated. He knew what it was like have a child stolen. It was the worth pain in the world and it still ached in his body.  
  
She stifled a sigh. "She's sleeping now. Vaughn sedated her a few minutes ago or else she would never sleep." Sydney replied, leaning into her phone with her head and covered her face with her free hands. She took a slow inhale and waited to hear the Californian voice again.  
  
"You'll need to acquire the specs for the warehouse where they're housing Kilmer and the girl." Jack joined in from the safety of the Rotunda on a conference call. He adjusted his weight on the edge of the black Lucite table. His suit was perfectly pressed, as usual and his gray eyes retained their icy glare.  
  
"Marshall will send those to me? Perkins has all the latest equipment. We can download easily." Sydney replied warily. It took so much energy to talk. Her jaw seemed to become more immobile with each phrase passed over. She didn't realize how exhausted she was. Her body was still badly damaged from the severe beating she had received only a few days prior. In addition, the epinephrine injection had begun to wear off. She was dragging and emotionally drained.  
  
"Yes. He's sending those now." Jack replied stiffly.  
  
"Good. I'll call again if there are any developments." Sydney spoke clearly, truly forcing her jaw open and close. She used her the pads of her fingertips to massage her temples, hoping to relieve the pressure building there.  
  
"Thank you, Sydney. Be safe." Dixon said as he ended the conversation. He reached forward and pressed the end button. His body sank back into the chair and his hand covered his eyes. Silently, he spoke a prayer for little Layla Kilmer.  
  
Sydney closed her phone and placed it down on the coffee table. Her body collapsed back against the couch and closed her eyes. Her body was so tired. She was still dressed in the evening gown with complete make-up. She desperately wanted to curl up beneath the comforter of her bed in her new apartment. But she couldn't. She was stuck here, in the middle of Odessa, with an ex-boyfriend, another ex's new girlfriend. There was so much drama to this that there wasn't enough time to create a flow chart with colored icons. Sydney laughed at the thought.  
  
Vaughn emerged from Madison's bedroom, looking tired and scruffy. Stumbling slightly, he made it to the couch opposite Sydney. His body was starting to ache once again. "She's out cold." He unbuttoned his jacket and deposited it nearby. Feeling uncomfortable and tired, he untied his bow tie and let his hands fall onto worn fabric. He felt dirty. The grime of the city and the last of Lauren's betrayal stung and stuck to him like cheap cologne.  
  
"Wouldn't it be nice to have a couple who is just a couple? I mean, we've yet to see a normal situation." Sydney vented softly. Her thoughts reflected slowly. She sighed again and felt her eyelashes grow heavier.  
  
"We were almost normal." Vaughn spoke behind closed eyes.  
  
"Almost doesn't count." She quickly countered. Both opened their eyes and looked at each other for a long moment. Sydney was the first to shut her eyes and yawned.  
  
"So where do we go from here?" Vaughn asked, quickly following suit and shutting his eyes as well.  
  
Sydney sighed and acknowledged the laptop sitting closed on the desk in front of her. "We wait for Marshall to send us the op-tech for the warehouse."  
  
"You were never any good at waiting."  
  
"Neither were you."  
  
Their eyes met and they sized each other up. It was that blow to blow attitude they shared that first attract one to the other. Neither wanted to smile but their subconscious gave way and they shared a small and intimate moment. "You think we'll get them home in one piece?" He asked, stepping slightly out of his demure character for just a moment.  
  
"I don't want to think otherwise. We can't not let that little girl home." Sydney felt the tears rush behind her body for a moment and it took all of her energy not to crash right there. "It's just not a possibility."  
  
"We're going to have to prepare like it is an option, Syd. There is a good chance that they could-"  
  
Sydney sighed out of frustration, "I won't accept anything less than Kilmer and Layla being home-where they belong."  
  
"And then what happens, Syd? He'll know by then that Layla isn't his. How much do you think a man can take? His own wife betrayed him. There is no greater-" the pain of the days had built up and released like a volcano, spilling the lava and ash over anything that moved. Or didn't move, for that matter.  
  
Sydney sensed something in the air that made her push him further. She truly wanted to see how far he would go before he totally imploded. It was only a matter of time. "But he's raised her. She knows him as her father. As far as anyone is concerned, Layla is Kilmer's daughter."  
  
And the snapping equally began. "She's not. She belongs to another man."  
  
"There is not an issue of belonging- there is just an issue of biology. Besides, even Madison said that she wasn't sure." Sydney tried to rationalize him, wishing so desperately that she could close Pandora's Box.  
  
He rolled his eyes and snorted with disgust. "How the hell can she not know who the father of her baby is? It's ridiculous-"  
  
Sydney cut him off, "Not in our line of work. She had to seduce-"  
  
"So she had to sleep with Sark? She had to sleep with him and have his baby? Have you ever slept with a man for the job?" He glared at her with heat radiating from his very center. It was that unbridled anger that stung through her. She refused to look a him for a moment, not wanting to answer. She knew what she was going to say was going to rip him apart. "Sydney, answer me!"  
  
She looked at him, looked through him. "Three." The number ached through the pit of her stomach and she just wanted to go away for a little while. She wasn't looking for a fight tonight. She was looking for love. "I've had to sleep with three men for this job."  
  
Vaughn certainly wasn't expecting that. He gasped, not really realizing that he was doing it. "Three?"  
  
"Gregory Scott, Thomas Warwick, and Simon." She hated saying those names. They were the names that stole her innocent from her. She had to seduce them so long ago and the still burnt holes through her heart. Scott and Warwick were two men that haunted her from her SD-6 days. She closed her eyes and could still see their starring at her-blue eyes from Scott and near black eyes of Warwick. The pale hazel of Simon's eyes perturbed her the most-staying the freshest in her mind.  
  
Vaughn looked as though he was ready to jump off of the nearest balcony. The veins started to pulsate in his neck and his brow was so dense with wrinkles. His jaw had tensed up and the muscles were clearly etched along his high cheek bones. He glared down at her, degrading her with his sparkling green eyes.  
  
"Say something, Vaughn. Please." She managed to find her voice and beg.  
  
"I can't believe you."  
  
"You honestly think it was a choice? You think I wanted to lose myself to those men? You honestly think I wanted to wake up in the morning to find myself in some stranger's bed? Do you know what it's like to force yourself to do something like that? Three times? Three times!" She shouted, only to find her voice becoming increasingly raspy. "I turned myself into a whore for my country!"  
  
"I can't even look at you." With the remaining energy that he had, he pushed his body up, wobbled slightly, and pushed to get out of the room.  
  
"Don't walk away, Vaughn."  
  
"And give me one reason why I shouldn't."  
  
"Because I'm asking you to stay. I want you to understand that his wasn't my choice. I had to. I was still with SD-6-I was a young agent. The thought of disappointing anyone from the agency-it just wasn't an option. I had to, Vaughn, and you have to understand that. Please."  
  
Vaughn stopped, his jaw still tightly clenched. "Why the hell should I-"  
  
"Because I'm asking you, Vaughn. I'm asking you to under-"she stopped in her the middle of her phrase and realized something.  
  
Vaughn simply ignored this and pushed further, "What did you do, Syd? You turned into your mother? You seduced these men and stole their secrets? You ignored those pressing questions...silenced them with you body...is that what you did?" He fought to keep her eye contact but she refused to look at him, "Look at me, Sydney! Look at me!" He shouted, feeling the sound vibrate deeply in his chest. The woman he loved was like the woman he hated. She had betrayed him on every level without actually betraying him.  
  
Sydney matched his tone, volume and pitch, "You don't need to understand. We're not dating. We're not married. You're my partner. And for that alone, you don't need to understand."  
  
"We're something more than that! Sydney, we used to-"He stepped forward, violating her space.  
  
She looked him in the eye and knew that her words would burn him. It would just be a quick breath and he would be devastated. But it was something that she needed to do. If he didn't understand her past, he could never understand her now. "Used to date. That's the key word there. Technically," she replied snottily, "we only dated for two months. I've kept goldfish for longer than that."  
  
"That's not fair." Vaughn hissed. "That's not fair and you know it. I've accepted a lot of things in your past, in your life. For two years, I heard you go on and on about Will-"  
  
"Don't you dare throw Will into this conversation. He was my friend and now he's not even himself anymore because of me! He's living a lie!"  
  
"I refuse to understand that part of you, Syd. I'm only human. There's only so much I can take. You used to tell me everything and there's only so much you can take about that."  
  
"What? You told me that I could talk to you about anything-so I did. But I never went into the details of my love life. I never told you that I slept with Noah before he died! I never told you that I slept with Will when he returned! I didn't feel like telling you that I want to marry someone and be a wife to someone...I want to have children! I want to retire into the arms of someone I love! Do you want to accept all of that? Do you?"  
  
A slow and steady beep interrupted their argument. It was the information being received. With as much energy as physically possible, she lunged towards the laptop and ably accepted the information. "They're being held in a storage facility southwest from Odessa." She continued to stroll down the numerous pages of information and specs, "It's an airtight hold but we can get through it. Similar security system to that mansion in Madrid." She turned around and looked over at Vaughn, "We're going to have to move fast. A bird over it just picked up a caravan of trucks just arrived. They're going to move Kilmer and Layla. We have to move."  
  
"What do you want from me?" Kilmer snapped violently at his capture.  
  
"Now, now Agent Kilmer. I don't know if I would use that tone of voice in front of your daughter." Sark stood just beyond Kilmer's reach, bouncing Layla in his arms. He cuddled her gently against his carefully chiseled arm. "Children are quite sensitive to noise."  
  
"Don't you dare tell me how to talk in front of my daughter, Sark." Kilmer fought against the restraints binding over chest, abdomen, and legs.  
  
"I'm afraid you're mistake, Agent Kilmer."  
  
"In what, you son of a bitch?" The restrained snarled, showing his teeth.  
  
Sark crossed closer to Kilmer, holding his daughter close to him. "It seems that Madison hasn't told you everything. Your little agent has lied to you." He noticed the confused look unwittingly crossing Kilmer's face, "She never told you about our little romance, did she? Or our little girl?"  
  
"Your little girl?"  
  
"I wasn't overly thrilled that she named the child for your mother but she did get my mother's middle name; Faith." He smiled privately towards his daughter and then continued to circle the chair where Kilmer was being held.  
  
"What?" Kilmer managed to gasp, his mind swimming with the thoughts and information. "What-no."  
  
"Face it, Agent Kilmer. Your fiancée lied to you. She didn't have your child. She had mine. Layla's not your daughter."  
  
"You're lying. Madison would-"  
  
"Why would I lie about something like that?" Sark smirked.  
  
Kilmer stayed silent as he thought of the possibilities. This wasn't possible. His Layla had to be his. He loved her more than anything else on this planet. Layla was his daughter. He was her father. Madison would never lie about something as important as this. But then again, he had never bothered to question her. He had never asked the simple question, "Layla's mine, right?" He was stupid and blinded by love. He loved her more than anything else in the world.  
  
He loved Sydney.  
  
Er....he loved Madison.  
  
While lying in that chair, strapped down and immobile, he now had the most sympathy for Ross on "Friends." He said Rachel's name, a former lover, at his wedding to Emily. It was because Ross was still secretly in love with Rachel but refused to admit it...etc etc. Now, Kilmer couldn't even get the women that he loved names right in his head. He loved Madison. He loved Sydney.  
  
Well, he knew he loved one of them. 


	22. Hatred

Author's Note….I made a mistake in the last chapter that's going to be super relevant in this chapter….Kilmer and Layla aren't being held in Odessa. They were being transferred to Athens, Greece. Hope this won't confuse you!

It wasn't until that particular moment in her life that she realized she hated it so much. Sure, there had been those thoughts that she was almost sure that she hated her life but nothing like this. She was absolutely sure that this life was the worst possible life to lead. Her body was cloaked in black, typical operation uniform. The tactical pants that she wore were unforgiving, not flattering her form at all but they were comfortable. The yards of black, durable fabric consumed her tiny frame. She wore no make-up and the true bags and damage to her face were evident. Patterns of black and blue were formed along her jaw line with pink swelling above and below her eyes. She was emotionally drained and it showed. Her honey colored eyes caught her reflection and part of her wants to throw her fist through the mirror. She clenched her hands at her side and gritted down on her teeth.

"Are you ready to go, Syd?" Vaughn asked coldly from the outside of the shut door. His body was being supported by the doorframe. He was still tired, the fatigue was raging on his poor form. His face was worse for wear. Without the make-up that he unwillingly wore, he looked like he had been through a war. The scarlet swelling, highlighted by the intense violet bruises made for an uncomfortable state of being.

She whipped around to face him and harshly looked his face over. There were still abrasions on his face from the attack. His eyes were slightly swollen. But that didn't matter. Her brown eyes held no sympathy for him. His words had been cold and cruel. She still hadn't fully recovered from the fatal blows they had just verbally exchanged. "Yes." She replied, matching his tone. With as much energy as her body would allow, she made her way towards the door and swung it open-almost knocking Vaughn over in the process. "I just want to say good-bye to Madison before we leave. I don't want her-"

"We don't have time for this, Sydney." Vaughn groaned. He moved to step in front of her but noticed the determination in her eyes. He knew that she was ready to strike at any moment. The cobra was let out of the basket.

And that's when it started. The one man that was always suppose to be on her side was now fighting with her. She turned towards him, staring him down. "Vaughn, don't start." She hissed. "I'm just saying good-bye and make sure that she's really fine. We have six hours before Sark wants to make the exchange. We'll be fine. Stop being so-"

Vaughn looked away from a moment. This was the longest that they had ever quarreled and he hated it. But part of him couldn't let it go. She had first doubted his abilities as an agent…then she stopped him from doing serious damage to Lauren, something he rightly deserved to do…then, she told him that she had slept with three different people for the job… "Sydney, please."

"Don't do this to me, Vaughn. You do your thing and I'll do mine. Your strength is in the rules and playing like the big boys. I do better with people." She continued to brush past him but was stopped by his hand clasped tightly on her forearm.

"Sydney."

She was taken back by his using her full name. She had been 'Syd' for such a long time…almost as long as he had been 'Vaughn.' Her honey colored eyes burned into his face. "I don't even know what to say to you anymore." She shrugged him off, the fear of her emotions brewing in her face.

"Don't walk away from me, Sydney."

She turned around and faced him, "We have nothing to talk about. I don't need you to explain. There's nothing. Nothing." She pushed her jaw out as she gritted down on her teeth.

Vaughn sighed ruefully.

This didn't go unnoticed by Sydney. She stepped closer, so close she could practically hear his heartbeat racing in his chest. "The only thing that you need to know, Vaughn, is that I'm not Lauren." She didn't even wait for his response. She didn't want it. She didn't need it.

She walked slowly and confidently across the cold wood floor. Her feet were still bare and chilled. Part of her was somewhat excited about escaping Odessa and seeking the warmth of Athens. Continuing her crossing in front of the fire place, she opened the door to the master bedroom. She hesitated and knocked firmly, pressing her head against the door. "Madison?"

The tired raven haired beauty turned over towards the door. "Sydney." She reached towards her, wanting to feel another person's warmth. She felt so cold. Her body shifted beneath the tightly woven blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The air choked down on her as it was heavy with pain.

Sydney walked in slowly, aware of each step that she took. Her lungs let in a slow inhale as she tried to work up enough nerve. "How are you feeling?"

"I'll be fine when my baby is in my arms. I miss her so much." Madison ached softly. She curled her body beneath her. "You don't know what it's like to lose a child."

Sydney couldn't refute this claim. It was true. She may have lost three men, feeling their shed blood against her skin but she never lost a child. She lost the hope of a child when Kendall told her so but that was not the same. "You haven't lost her. I give you my word that I'll get her back." Kilmer meant too much to her to let his most precious thing in the world slip away. Well, Kilmer meant too much to her to let him slip from her hands.

Madison reached out to no where, "Please, Sydney. I'm begging you. Don't let Julian take my baby away from me." Madison started to cry again, leaving Sydney helpless to comfort her. "If I could take one thing in my life back, it would be that. I wish I never had-had…" The tears stopped her speech and blocked out her words. She knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to wish that she had never met Julian Sark, never had an affair, never agreed to seduce Kilmer. It was all a lie that had completely backfired on her and hurt her more than it had intended to. She wanted her life to end so badly. It wasn't worth it anymore. If Kilmer and Layla didn't make it back alive, than her life wasn't worth living. She would be living in hell.

She placed her hand on her friend's shoulder, "Vaughn and I will bring Robbie and Layla back. I give you my word. Don't worry, Madison. I will have to hurt anyone that gets in my way." Sydney's voice started to waver as she went over her words. She was getting overly-emotional. She could no longer compartmentalize what was going on. It was too much. The best thing to do was to crash. Was it apparent?

"You're going to have to get over this sooner or later." Sydney observed him, sitting pensively across from her. His green eyes were starring out the dark evening sky. They refused to look anywhere but the glass.

He finally looked away from the private plane's window, "G-d, Syd."

"You have to get over the fact that I'm not Lauren. I will never be Lauren. This is just because you're mad at her. You need to get over it. I'm sorry that you got hurt, that she betrayed you. But, there's nothing I can do about it."

"You did the same thing. You seduced-"

"Those men were something different. I was working-"

"So was she. You and Lauren share that-"

"Don't you dare do this to me, Vaughn. You cannot possibly think that I was working to hurt them. I was doing my job. I wasn't looking to marry them. It was a one night thing. Nothing more than a one night stand. Deal with it, Vaughn. You're going to have to or we can't do our job." She took a sharp inhale and continued, "I'm hoping you can understand that so we can move on from here. Let's just move on."

"Sydney" His tone as soft and somewhat forgiving. He was tired of fighting. It was too much. He hated being mad at her for something she did almost a decade ago. It was her job to seduce those men. If she had said no, Sloane would have killed her. It wouldn't have taken more than a heartbeat for him to call up his assassins and have her murdered. Her choice was a reasonable one. Something in his mind made him want to forgive her. She wasn't Lauren and she was never going to be Lauren. His fight was with _her_, not with Sydney. He knew he never had to accept her. He loved her the way she was. "Syd, I don't want to do this anymore." He buried his head in his hands.

Her features softened almost instantly, "Good." She wanted to smile but knew that she couldn't. This conversation was too heavy and it was going to go to a dark place.

He sighed softly but she jumped in before he had the opportunity to say anything, "Vaughn, I know that we can't do what we used to. We can't be what we used to be. I just-I don't want to fight with you. If I could take it back, I would. I would take everything I did and say back." She spoke softly and smoothly over the speech she had been practicing since they left the airport nearly six and a half hours ago. "I don't want to fight with you." She shifted around and sat next to him, placing her hand on his arm. "But if you can't understand me, then there will never be an 'us'."

He looked at her with such purity that her breath caught up in her throat. There was something different about that look. He reached up and softly touched her jaw line. The pads of her fingertips ran chills through her spine. The gentle feeling, that old feeling of two years ago, came flooding back. His lips, stained like something of strawberry juice, parted at the touch of her skin beneath his fingers. His other hand reached for hers, which was still resting in her lap. "I want there to be an 'us' again."

She held onto his hand so tightly, she almost thought her hands would break. If she let go, she would lose him. He would disappear into the void. His perfect body would be lost in the endless, black space. There were no words that she could say to make everything okay. Not that it truly mattered that he had accepted her past. She didn't need him to. She didn't want him to.

But he did.

Taking everything else out of the picture, he had finally understood what it was like to look at the mirror through her eyes. He knew about the three men that she had been forced on. There was nothing he didn't know. She was truly naked in front of him. _"Michael." _She wanted to cry out. She never used his first name unless it was in the most intimate of times. He could only be "_Michael_" when she was the most vulnerable. '_Vaughn_' was his name to her…but '_Michael_'… '_Michael_' was his name for normal circumstances and there was never such thing as normal.

"Vaughn." She finally was able to whisper. "What are we going to doing?" She leaned into his hand and covered it with her free one.

He leaned forward and pressed his forehead up to hers. "We are surviving in this horrible life the best way we can."

"This is a horrible life." She agreed, pressing closer towards him. She felt his warmth and felt his love pouring through her. "I'm so sick of it."

Vaughn laughed lightly and leaned back, "But you would be so sick of normal."

"I would like to try it once." She sighed wistfully. "Could you even imagine? Living a life that you wouldn't have to worry about being killed every waking moment or have to deal with being tortured….I would just like to try it once."

He looked at her, inhaling her scent deeply, "Speaking off all of this, how are you feeling?"

She picked her head up slightly and angled her head up towards him. "Better" she managed to whisper softly. It was a lie. Her body ached and she felt every bruise and battered part of her. "How are you feeling?"

His hands stared to rub lazy circles against her back, "I've had better days but it'll be okay." He adjusted his arms around her, swallowing her body in his. "Why don't you shut your eyes for a little bit, hmm?"

She nodded her head against his chest and felt her eyes flutter close.

_ Her brown eyes fluttered open and confusion took over her. Her body was covered in her thick white sheets, curled up to her chin. She was warm and comfortable. She hadn't been this relaxed in a long time. The air was warm as the sunlight flickered through the white drawn curtains. Her body twisted slightly to lay on her stomach and she was greeted with a slightly scruffy face. "Good-morning, Sleeping Beauty." The scruffy face smiled. He reached forward and brushed a stray piece of hair from her eyes. His fingertips lingered slightly on her cheekbone and then rested along the small of her back. _

_ Now she was completely taken off guard but didn't mind it so much. This is what it was suppose to be like. Everything else had been a horrible nightmare. She was in his arms, "How long have you been awake?"_

_ He grinned slightly and planted a kiss on her forehead, "I don't know. I lost track of time." He laughed, filling the decreasing space between them. "I was watching you sleep, honey."_

_ "You were watching me sleep?" She crinkled her nose as she laughed. She curled closer and found herself lying practically beneath his chest. Both of them were still on their stomachs and the warmth from their bodies spread throughout the room. _

_ "Yes, yes I was." He admitted, refusing to sound guilty. _

_ She laughed again and pressed a feather light kiss against the underside of his chin. It was the only spot that she could reach. "I love you. You know that, right?"_

_ "Nothing can ever take you away from me." Vaughn whispered hoarsely. _

_ "Except me." A dark voice came from behind them, causing both of them to flip over. Kilmer was standing at the end of the bed, dressed in his black suit. His eyes were unusually dark and solemn. "You know I still love you, Sydney. I'm willing to leave __Madison__ for you. She cheated on me. You can have me back, __Sydney__. Just say the word."_

_ "I'm happy with Vaughn. Really, I am." __Sydney__ flipped over on her back and sat up violently. She clutched the comforter to her exposed chest. _

_ "You would be so happy with me, Sydney. I don't understand why you can't see that. Can't you see that I'm falling in love with you all over again?" He started to beg, his voice dropping low. "Why won't you be with me?"_

_ She started to cry, the clear pearl tears started to drip down her face, "I can't. I won't break up your family. I love Vaughn, Kilmer. I really do love him.." _

_ Kilmer drew his eyes closed and spoke softly, "I wish you hadn't said that." And without another word, he raised his arm straight out in front of him. His muscular hands held a gleaming silver gun. The peacefulness of the evening was interrupted as six silver bullets shot through the air, embedding themselves-_

Sydney's eyes opened quickly and she shot straight up, gasping for air. Her chest heaved for air and it felt as though her lungs would collapse at any moment. There was little oxygen going to her brain and she honestly thought she was going to pass out at any moment.

"Syd! Syd!" Vaughn was sitting straight up with her, woken earlier from his sleep. His hands were clasped around her, trying to settle her screams. They were still in the safety of the airplane but her mind was racking with the dream that she had just experienced. She had felt the gunshots, felt the blood pool on her body. "Are you alright, baby?" He pulled her closer and she felt herself being pulled beneath his collarbone. Savagely, she gripped his tee-shirt and sobbed mercilessly into it. "Come on, baby. You're scaring me." He pressed a kiss into the crown of her hair. "Come on, baby. Come on."

"I love you too much. It's killing me. It's killing me." She wept, the emotions burning like acid throughout her body. "I'm poison. You can't touch me. It'll kill you." She wrenched away from him and collapsed onto the floor, huddling in the fetal position. "I'll kill you. You can't love me. You just can't."

Horrified and helpless, Vaughn sank down to the floor beside her. He reached his hands out to touch her but she moved away again. "Sydney, please. Everything will be okay. Really. I promise. Nothing's going to happen to me and nothing's going to happen to you." Gingerly, he moved towards her again and swallowed her into his arms, allowing her to cry until she succumbed to sleep once again. He reached his head back and rested against the tan leather seats, starring at the ceiling, asking G-d why he was punished her so much.

_Okay, I have major, major writer's block. I'd really appreciate any ideas! I'm sorry that it's been so long but my computer crashed and I was forced to wait until it was fixed to update!_

_So you get to make the decision now….do you want to see the detailed interrogations of each of the detainees…the exchange….have the exchanged blown and another mission take place…sugar coat the exchange and just work on the fluff….just concentrate on the fluff and finally resolve the tension in the little triangles I have created…..take your pick…it's up to you!!!!!___


	23. Now They're Okay

"You must be Vaughn and Bristow."  
  
"Yes, yes we are." Vaughn replied, extending his hand out to the four other agents, standing outside in the balmy Greek air. Sydney and Vaughn had been whisked off the private plane to the undisclosed location where Lauren, Jonathan, and Cole were being held.  
  
The other agent warmed up immediately. "It is nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about both of you." He smiled at Vaughn and then at Sydney. "The blonde one has been screaming about you for a long while now. She's getting on my nerves. I heard the story and I just wanted to say, for the record, I'm sorry, man." He extended his hand to which Vaughn took willingly. The black hair man smiled again and tipped his head back to the large black van. "I'm David Rivers, on assignment from Langley. The three others," he motioned with his hand towards the other agents, "are from Odessa. They flew over with the detainees."  
  
Vaughn looked around at his surroundings. It was a nice enough area. They were hidden by a large building and were set in the shadows. No one would ever realize what was going on. The sweat was starting to drip down his back, soaking his black t-shirt. His green eyes shot over to Sydney. She was standing a few yards away from him, going over specifics with the Ukrainian agents. Every once and a while, he could hear her perfectly accented voice answer, "Da....da...neit..." She crossed her hands over her chest protectively, over her black shirt. Her hair was tucked neatly underneath a baseball cap. Her eyes were no longer puffy from the buckets of tears she had cried. They were clear and piercing, as she stood stark against the bright blue sky. With just a touch of concealer, she looked like she always did. Only he could tell that there was something wrong beneath the tough exterior.  
  
Now, he was in a unique position. Why he ever returned to the CIA was still beyond him. He was never sure why he did but he did. It wasn't until that particular moment in his life that he realized he hated it so much. Sure, there had been those thoughts that she was almost sure that he hated his life but nothing like this. He was sure that this life was the worst possible life to lead. He had met the love of his life and lost her. Then, he met another woman that he thought he loved but it turns out, it was all a ploy. And it was all because of the agency. The agency was going to be the death of him. He had faced death numerous times and it was all because of this agency. He had pledged his allegiances to that blasted place. This place caused her so much pain and put his life on the line. It was the agency-his agency, which caused Sydney so much pain.  
  
He shook his head back and forth to rid himself of these horrible thoughts. This was a job, the job that his father had died for. Everything he did was had a purpose and regardless of the outcome, he worked to make sure that the world was just a little bit safer. Forcing himself to think rationally, he unwittingly took on the superhero complex. No, he wasn't going to don tights and a cape but he was going to work to make sure the job was accomplished at the end of the day. After all, it was all for the agency.  
  
His hands reached forward and gripped the handle. Applying pressure, he heard the click and he brought a quick inhalation into his lungs. Slowly, he opened the back of the van to find the three spies bound. "Hello." He hissed, his icy tone catching Lauren's attention.  
  
Her head whipped towards the door. "Oh thank G-d! Michael." She tried to smile but saw the hate in his face. "Michael, this is all a mistake." Her large eyes pouted towards him, while Jonathan kept a straight face with Cole rolling his eyes every once and a while.  
  
"No, it's not." Vaughn smirked. He removed his sunglasses and starred at her. He looked around the small van and then back at his unfaithful wife. "No, everything's right."  
  
"Michael." She pleaded. She was heavily schooled in the art of seduction. Whatever it took to get the man to fall for her in the end.  
  
"Stop, Lauren. It's not worth it. I hate you just as much now as when I found out you were sleeping with Jonathan." His attention quickly caught to Jonathan, sitting across the way. "Mister Ross. This is rather convenient, isn't it? I mean, the two of you are both NSC moles working for the Covenant and look, now you're even being held together! This is just a regular laugh riot. Oh and when you were ordered to get rid of me and Sydney...I never saw that one coming." He smiled smugly, glancing back and forth between the three agents. The detainees remained in silence as they took this mental beating from him. "This is the way it's going to work. One by one, you are going to be brought into an interrogation room. You will be interrogated and returned here." An entirely out of character Vaughn, turned back to the agents. "I want them inside." He turned towards Lauren once more, "We need to talk, Ms. Reed  
  
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Madison finished her glass of wine and placed it down on the wooden and glass coffee table. The condensation from the glass trickled off the cool crystal class and fell effortlessly onto the table. Her hands were moist from it but she found herself not caring. The deep red swirled around in the glass, reflecting the tiny apartment in its acidic glory. Her dark eyes registered the nearly empty bottle of wine. Not thinking clearly, she grabbed her cell phone and dialed a number she had sworn she was never going to. Licking her lips, she held the phone up to her ear.  
  
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The tiny girl had fallen asleep a while go in his arms but something in him refused to set her down. She had worn him out completely. Never could he have imagined how utterly exhausting a little girl could be. She was up at the crack of dawn, laughing and crying. Her energy never ceased, running everywhere-trying to get into everything. She would yell inarticulate words at the top of her lungs. He had to keep a constant eye on her, keeping his breath tight in his chest as she moved about their confined quarters.  
  
Up and down, he paced exhausted across his hotel room floor, elegantly dressed in white and ivory fabrics. His blue eyes were tired and he didn't realize how tired he was. She was truly exhausting. Getting her dressed was an event. He would stand for nothing less than the finest for either of them. He had sent a couple of agents, certainly not his finest, to go and get new clothes for the princess. His body was no longer confined to a business suit. Instead, he wore a loosely fitting linen outfit. His angel was dressed in a white cotton dress, the humidity filtering off her light haired brown. "Hush little baby...don't say a word...daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird..." His soft British accent made the stirring baby coo softly. "What a beautiful girl."  
  
A low vibrating noise interrupted his lullaby. Adjusting her weight in his arms, he reached around to his back pocket and answered absently, "Hello?"  
  
"Julian." Madison's shaky voice came slowly.  
  
He almost dropped his precious baby on the floor but he wouldn't let her know how much she shook him. "Madison. What an unexpected surprise." He cleared his throat silently as he moved closer towards the bed. He leaned over and passed the girl from his arms down to the suede blue and gold sheets. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?"  
  
He could hear the emotions shift around in her voice, "I want you to release Agent Kilmer and Layla."  
  
"And why would I do something like that? Maddie, with all due respect, they are my captives. I don't think it's a good idea for you to be making the demands." He eased himself down on the bed, next to his daughter, stroking her hair lovingly.  
  
"I want you to take me instead. Let them go and you'll get me."  
  
Sark had to suppress a low laugh. "I know that you love your daughter and all but I think you need to lay off of the fairy tales. Wake up, Sleeping Beauty. You won't find your happily ever after here."  
  
"It's from Beauty and the Beast." Madison corrected softly, "It's her favorite."  
  
Sark opened his mouth to say something but promptly decided against it, "You love our daughter, don't you? Even after all we've done and all we've gone through, you still love her. You didn't give her up for adoption or anything rash. Why?"  
  
Silence filled both rooms and Madison, in her desolate corner of the world, fought to maintain her sanity. There were so many answers that she wanted to respond with but could think of nothing but the truth. The truth, however, could get her killed. "Why? Because she's my daughter. She is my flesh and blood. I carried her and I fully intend on raising her until the day I die."  
  
"So then why are you willing to relinquish that right and send her to live with a man who is not her father?" Sark questioned.  
  
"For all intents and purposes, Robbie is Layla's father. He has been there every step of the way-"  
  
"Except conception." Sark inserted smugly. "She's from my-"  
  
"I would rather Layla be raised by Kilmer. He's a good man and he knows what's right. He'll keep her safe." She paused as she took in a shaky breath, "Please, take me. Torture me. Do whatever you want to me. Just let my baby go."  
  
Sark looked down at his sleeping daughter and then closed his eyes, covering them with the palm of his hand. He was obviously torn by this situation. There was a part of him that still loved her and would do anything to see her happy. However, there was also another part of him that was an international businessman who made his buck by...well, taking part in activities. He sighed heavily. "Done. I'll send you the intel about where I'll take you." He hung up the phone and slid off the bed, kneeling before his daughter. His hands reached out to either side of her but refused to touch her. New emotions swept through him. "I lost you once, Layla. I won't have it again."  
  
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"I don't think we should make the exchange." Agent Rivers spoke up as he mixed his third cup of coffee. The agents had relocated to the safe house, the detainees being held in a maximum security holding area. It was a damp little place, with two bedrooms, an overly small and dirty bathroom, and a small kitchenette with a living room taking up the remainder of the space. It was only the three agents staying there. The others would take their refuge, keeping an eye on the detainees, as they were now being referred to.  
  
Sydney looked up from her own white mug and starred at him with wide brown eyes, "I'm sorry. What did you just say?" Her lips pressed into a thin line and as she brought the mug down from her hands to the table, her arms flexed in the most intimating fashion. Her whole body was more alert than it had been in a while.  
  
His blue eyes shot her a knowing look. Back at Langley, he wasn't exactly adored. He was known for his detached attitude. He was the poster boy for emotional non-attachment. So, he continued through his career, not giving a damn about another human being. It was this attitude that got him to where he was. He was allowed to go on these special assignments that men twice his age and doubled him in experience often went on. His cold attitude was obviously seeping into this mission, "Agent Bristow, I believe that you heard me. I think it would be a bad idea for both the girl and Agent Kilmer for us to make the exchange. The Covenant is known for going back on their word. Why would now be any different?"  
  
Sydney looked down at her coffee and then at Rivers, sizing him up for good measure. There was nothing stopping her from completely leveling him right now. One blow to the head or neck. That's all it would take to get his gasping for air. She cleared her throat and tried to get a grip on her emotions. "Because now there's the baby involved. It's Sark's daughter that he's holding capture."  
  
River's eyes got intensely wide on the last piece of information, "The girl is Sark's daughter? I thought that the girl was Kilmer and um..." he started to tap his fingertips on the cheap wood table, "Parker's."  
  
"Perkins." Sydney corrected firmly, not liking the vibe she was getting from this agent. Her eyes scanned over him. Now she wanted to level him. Honest to G-d, she wanted to go for his jugular. His build and stature reminded her of Will and for that, she had to repress her emotions and maybe even a smile. She had received a letter from him before she had gone to the hell of a mission. He was doing well or so he claimed.  
  
"Whatever." Rivers shrugged it off as if it was nothing. "I still don't think that going doing the exchange is in the best interest of any of them." He took the coffee mug in his hand and took a slow sip but made a face. "Coffee's cold."  
  
Vaughn finally looked towards the younger agent and sneered, "It's not 'whatever,' Agent Rivers." He leaned forward on the unsteady table with his forearms. "And you better start coming up with a better reason than 'I think.' You have thirty seconds."  
  
Sydney turned towards him and inconspicuously placed her hand on his elbow, "Vaughn." Her voice was low and smooth. She was about to say more but a crisp vibrating on her hip warned her against it. It was her cell phone, clipped cautiously to her belt, "Bristow." She answered as she flipped it open and pressed it against her check, not bothering to remove to her hand from Vaughn's arm.  
  
"I want you to call off the exchange." Madison's voice came in loud and crisp. Her voice was devoid of any emotion with the exception of a business professional tone. "I want you to call it off and call it off now."  
  
Sydney looked at Rivers accusingly, "What? Madison, why?" She forced her jaw to move. Her body was in a state of shock. She had not anticipated this.  
  
"I'm got a hold of Sark and I'm going to exchange myself for Layla and Kilmer." Moreover, before Sydney even had a chance to protest this idea, she heard a distinct click. Her eyes grew wider than they ever had before as she snapped her phone shut. "That was Madison."  
  
"And?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"She's going to exchange herself for Layla and Kilmer."  
  
Vaughn looked at her and back at Rivers, "We have to stop her. If she does the exchange, we may lose both of them-for good."  
  
Rivers got to his feet and started to pace back and forth against the grain of the wood floor. The mug of coffee was still kept in his hand, working as a security blanket. "We need to get a hold of Washington and have them work out a plan."  
  
Sydney shook her head, "I want to get the LA office on a secure line, now. You'll get introduced to my father and Director Dixon. They've been following this case and they have seniority over it. Get them in on it."  
  
Rivers turned towards Sydney, stopping near her feet, "Sydney, you know that Langley's better suited."  
  
"Director Dixon is working this case." She replied, her tone getting firmer. "This isn't an option anymore." She got to her feet and looked Rivers dead in the eye, "I'm sorry, Agent Rivers, but I'm a senior agent. I decide what we do and where we go from here. It is my call or it is Agent Vaughn's call. You will call me 'Agent Bristow' or 'ma'am.' I do not enjoy pulling rank, Agent Rivers, but you're going to have to deal with this. Is that understood?" Rivers refused to look at her, concentrating hard on the floor, "Is that understood?!"  
  
"Yes, Agent Bristow." Rivers replied before moving slowly out of the room, not making eye contact with either agent on his way out.  
  
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Hope you enjoyed and don't worry...there's some fluff up ahead! Thank you, by the way, for the wonderful suggestions! 


	24. Torn

            The lyrics are from Natalie Im******brulia's**** "Torn"**

****

He removed his shoulder holster and placed it down on the nightstand.  His wallet and id found their place next to it.  He hung his head down low and sighed indifferently.  "He makes me nervous, Syd.  I don't like it." Vaughn whispered softly as they sat together on the safe house bed.  They had three and a half hours before the newly organized tactical team was going to set up and apprehend Sark.  Now, they were trying to relax beforehand.  Agent Rivers and the other agents had dispersed, getting everything set.  They had all but insisted that the two tired agents stay behind at the house and sleep or something. 

            Somehow, the two agents managed to stagger into the bedroom.  Sydney turned over on her side to face him, "He's not a bad agent, Vaughn.  He's just smug."  Her hands were thrust beneath the flimsy white pillow.  The tiredness was evident on her face again and the emotions were taking a lot out of her body.  Her mind was moving too fast, as usual and she skipped through the topics rapidly in her head.  "He's a smug, arrogant, son of a bitch jackass."   She started to zone after that.  Her mind was running rapid on the various events of the last twenty-four hours.    

            Vaughn threw his legs up onto the bed and laid back, turning towards Sydney.  He started to talk about he deep rooted disdain for the new agent that they were working with and his concerns for the upcoming mission.  All of this, however; was lost on Sydney.   "I don't like him."  He reached to bring her towards him but she froze and refused to move.  He saw the glazed look of her eyes and was unnerved.  "Syd?"  She didn't say anything.  Instead, she just starred at him with wide eyes.  Confused, Vaughn touched her shoulder again, "Sydney?"  He gazed into her unmoving eyes with concern.  

            She hadn't realized how far she had gone from this conversation but now, there was no turning back.  "What if he kills one of them?" The words were barely audible.  Her lips were turning a frightening shade of blue with the panic showing in red through her eyes.  "What if Sark does something rash and kills Kilmer or Madison?  What if he kills-"  The thought was too horrid to speak aloud.  She heard herself gasp and felt the tears rush to her eyes. 

            Vaughn sank down to her level and brushed his fingertips beneath her eyes, along her cheekbone, letting his hand reside at the base of her jaw, curled around her ear.  "They won't.  That's why we're here.  We're here to make sure they all come home safe and to make sure that Sark, Lauren, Cole, and Jonathan all pay for what they've done.  That's why we're here."  He tried to smile, reassuring her with his soothing words.  "Now," he leaned forward and pressed a kiss onto her forehead, "why don't you close your eyes for a few minutes.  You're going to need to recharge your battery for tonight."

            She looked at him with purity and nervousness brewing in her face, "What are you going to do?" Her hands reached up and touched his face slightly as his arms slide down over her waist. 

            "I'm gonna go and talk with my soon to be ex-wife and her new boy toy." He pressed another kiss onto her forehead and start to spring to his feet but was promptly stopped by a hand on his forearm.  Turning back, he looked down at Sydney, puzzled.  "Syd?"

            "Just stay for a few minutes.  Just until I fall asleep?  I'm so afraid to close my eyes.  Every time I do, I see those images-" she started to lose herself slightly in the scary corners of her dark mind. 

            Slightly frustrated, Vaughn looked towards the door but then back at Sydney.  He smiled.  "I'll stay until you fall asleep." He relented, curling back onto the bed and pulling her into his arms.  Another kiss was pressed into her hairline and he sighed softly.

            She consented to being in his arms, listening to the oxygen vibrating in his chest, "Thank you."  Her eyes started to flutter and she fell quickly into what she hoped would be a completely dreamless sleep.  She curled her hands in towards her chest and tucked them beneath her chin.  "Just until I fall asleep…" she murmured softly, her voice low and soft.

            Vaughn stroked her hair softly, watching her drift away from consciousness, "Shh shh shh.  I'm right here, baby.  Go to sleep."

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            She hated how tired she always way.  It was just one of those things, like breathing and being.  She was tired.  Probably and logically, it was because whenever she did sleep, was never long and never enough.  These dreams were always haunting her and forced her away from the much needed rest.  Her brown eyes opened slowly to find she was still in the safe house in Athens.  Her body was still badly injured from the mission.  It was a stiffness that reached down to her toes and spread through her fingertips.  A slow smile formed over her lips as she realized she was still resting on Vaughn's chest.  Stretching out her hands, she stared to draw lazy circles on his chest, more or less to get rid of the pins and needles forming in her sleepy feeling hands. 

            He moved quickly, eyes still fastened shut, and stopped her hand from moving, "That tickles." His voice was slow and husky, obviously worn from the sleep. 

            Sydney smiled to and propped herself up to get a look at his face.  His face was slightly scruffy.  Her fingertips ran slowly over his face, "Hi."

            He opened his eyes slowly and peered down at her, "Hi."  There was a slow pause, in which the air buzzed with the sound of cheap electricity through the walls.  "How'd you sleep?"

            She reflected for a moment, getting lost in the green spheres gazing into her eyes.  Almost desperately, she tried to scan her memory to see if she had any dreams.  "No dreams." A little grin appeared over her face.  "No dreams."  She couldn't help but think that it was because of the arm swung around her waist.  He was her dream-catcher.  His spirit acted like a filter against the world's harmful words, catching them and hiding her from them. 

            "Good." He squeezed her tighter towards him and pressed a  kiss into her forehead.  "You were practically snoring."

            She smacked his chest with her free hand and he groaned, "I don't snore!"

            "Oh, yes you do."

            "No!"

            "Yes!"

            They erupted into a fit of giggles, which quickly subsided.  Sydney propped her body up again, laying stomach to stomach with him.  Her eyes scanned his face for the second time, "I missed waking up next to you." She reflected somberly.

            "I missed it too." He smiled and leaned forward.  He captured her breath and leaned closer.  They had traveled this path before but it had never been like this.  No, there was Korea but Korea was different.  They were going to die. And death was a scary thought to even the most experienced agent.  It had never been like this.  This was slow and tentative, both scared and unsure about where to go from here.  It would be just a brief moment before their lips touched.  Sure, they've touched before and they've experienced the other before.  But it was nothing like this.  This was like a first high school kiss with their long time crush.  Neither of them knew exactly what to do.  They both adjusted to accommodate the other.  She had never felt so fearful of the emotions rushing through her.  The pit of her stomach started to burn and buzz all at the same time.  It was that rush that drove her crazy whenever she was around him.  Her palms were sweating and she was losing her footing against the cheap cotton sheets.  She had completely stopped breathing and her heart was reading to jump out of her chest.  This drove her absolutely crazy.   

            Just a moment passed and suddenly, their lips were touching.  It wasn't a deep and passionate kiss, full of lust and desire.  It was just a kiss…slow and sweet.  They broken silently from it and pressed their foreheads against each other.  Neither spoke for what seemed like eternity.  Her eyelashes batted heavily and she couldn't help but smile.  There were so many nights that she would dream of this, waking up in his arms, coiled in his security.  So this is what it was like to be happy.  She hadn't felt this in almost two years.  She had almost, almost felt happy when she had slept with Will but something was missing.  That something was a pair of green eyes casting their gaze over her form. 

_I'm all out of faith  
This is how I feel  
I'm cold and I am shamed  
Lying naked on the floor  
Illusion never changed  
Into something real  
I'm wide awake  
And I can see  
The perfect sky is torn  
You're a little late  
I'm already torn_

            She suppressed a groan in the back of her throat.  It wasn't right that she was feeling content.  There was a baby girl's life in danger, a former lover being tortured and a new friend, doubled over in agony thousands of miles away.  Her head dropped down and she buried her sight in his chest, listening to him laugh for a moment and groan.  She shook her head back and forth adamantly, "I shouldn't be doing this."

            Confused, he put his hand on the back of her neck and eased her to look at him, "Do what?  Sydney, it was just a kiss." He tried to laugh but was so unsure about what was going on.  This was uncharted territory for him.  He could have sworn that she had wanted this.  There was no tangible reason why she was suddenly upset.     

_So I guess the fortune teller's right  
Should have seen just what was there  
And not some holy light  
Which crawled beneath my veins  
And now I don't care  
I had no luck  
I don't miss it all that much  
There's just so many things  
That I can touch I'm torn_

            Sydney picked her head up and touched his slightly scruffy face, "It's just not a kiss." She replied softly to his worried face.  She adjusted her body on top of his.  Everything was upside down and screwed up. 

            He laughed nervously and looked around, "What's going on, Syd?  You're scaring me."  Monumentally, he had never been so frightened in his life.  He had done nothing wrong and then all of a sudden, she started to hyperventilate over what use to be something that they did freely, at will.

            "I want to tell you something but you cannot, cannot, cannot do anything rash or stupid." She wanted to be completely honest and if she just said this little phrase aloud, all would be fine.

            "Okay." Vaughn replied slowly.

             "I kissed Kilmer before he was taken.  He told me that he loved me and that he was going to leave Madison after this whole situation was over.  He was going to leave his own daughter for me, Vaughn." She sat up and rolled off of his chest.  "Now, I don't know what to do."  Her legs swung over one side of the bed and she felt her feet land firmly on the ground.  She refused to look at him and instead, concentrated firmly on the little crack forming in the door.  "I loved him so much and then he died and now he's back in m life.  And I love you so much but then you were married and now Lauren…I just don't know what to do.  I want to make both of you happy but there's only one me.  I don't know what to do, Vaughn.  I've never been this confused in my life!"

_I'm all out of faith  
This is how I feel  
I'm cold and I'm ashamed  
Bound and broken on the floor  
You're a little late  
I'm already torn  
I'm Torn._

            Vaughn's brow knitted up with those classic worry lines.  He swung his legs and sat in line with her.   After a long moment of silence, broken only by her tears, Vaughn managed to find his voice.  It was low and raspy, unable to say anything that he wanted to at that moment.  A lot had happened between them and everyday it seemed to get just a little harder.  "What do you want me to say?"  There was a slight tinge of anger resounding in his voice.  It wasn't so much anger as it was betrayal.  He had stupidly assumed that she would always wait for him.   

            She buried her head in her hands.  I just want to be happy again.  I haven't been happy in over two years.  I just want to feel good again." Out of frustration, she felt the tears rush to her eyes and burn there.  The stubborn part of her pushed those tears away.  It was nothing more than a sign of absolute weakness.  "I just want to be happy."  Her body melted against the worn bedspread and she felt as though she was going to rip in two. 

            Vaughn watched helplessly as she continued to struggle.  Awkwardly, he touched her hair and started to smooth it out against her scalp.  "My G-d, Sydney."

_thought I saw a man brought to life  
He was warm  
He came around like he was dignified  
He showed me what it was to cry  
Well you couldn't be that man I adored  
You don't seem to know  
Seem to care what your heart is for  
But I don't know him anymore  
There's nothing where he used to lie  
The conversation has run dry  
That's what's going on  
Nothing's fine I'm torn_

            "This all happened so fast.  This isn't the way it needs to be!  None of this was suppose to happen.  I was never suppose to disappear for two years and-and-you weren't suppose to get married!  I shouldn't wake up from the horrible dreams, screaming and crying.  Kilmer never should have faked his death and we shouldn't have fallen in love!" Sydney jumped to her feet and started to pace in front of him.  "Jonathan and Lauren never should have done whatever it is that they did!  Madison never should have had an affair with Sark!" Finally, she just screamed.  It wasn't deafening and it wasn't overpowering but the "suppose to" and "should have" situations was enough to drive a sane person so far over the edge.  "I just want to be happy again.  Is that too much to ask?"  She sat back down on the bed and looked deep into his eyes.  "I just want to be happy again."

            He sighed relentlessly and brushed a hair out of her face.  "You could be happy with me." He pressed his lips up to her cheek, whispering softly, "I could make you happy."  His fingertips ran through her hair and he felt the sigh ease out of her lips and onto his cheek. 

            "I don't even know who I am anymore."

            A sharp knocking interrupted their moment of solitude.  It was quickly followed by a figure, peaking in through the door like an unwanted, zany neighbor in a terrible sitcom.  "Agent Bristow, Agent Vaughn, we're ready to get started whenever you are." The voice of Rivers boomed through the spaces. 

            Sydney looked into Vaughn's eyes and melted.  She sniffled slightly like that of a frightened child.  Vaughn lifted his hand to wipe away her unshed tears.  His voice came out like velvet, coating her and smothering her with just  a simple phrase.  He tucked the same piece of hair behind her ear.  This was uncommon ground.  He had never been able to say the things that he wanted to.  Now, he was given the opportunity.  The only problem was, however, what words to say.  It would never be as easy as it would be in his head.  His voice was still husky, rich with emotion of love, confusion, and near betrayal.  "I'm so in love with you.  You know that, right?"


	25. Don't Ask Me To Stop

I'm so sorry for the delay! These chapters have been more difficult to write because I'm trying to do one last build-up before ending it!  
  
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The agents assembled again in the living space. The air was thicker than before; with emotions were obviously running higher now. Everything was already laid out, just waiting to be picked up and whisked away. The early morning breeze swept through the worn house. Sydney didn't know for how long they had been asleep but she did see the sun rising early in the pink Greek sky.  
  
Rivers had his thirtieth cup of coffee in the thirty-six hour period cup in his hands. His tone body was sitting relaxed in a nearby chair. The blue green eyes of his youth were beginning to show the age and wisdom that he held. Exhaustion was also beginning to creep in. He hadn't had a moment to rest. He watched the bedroom door slam shut hours ago and Sydney and Vaughn disappeared behind it. From that moment, he was up and running. He called Langley, checking in his orders with his superiors. From there, he had his first phone conversation with one Jack Bristow.  
  
He was sitting in the kitchen at the wooden table. The secure line was pressed onto speaker phone and he was starring at it intently. "Agent Bristow, my name is Agent David Rivers." His voice was more unsteady than he wanted to be. His whole body was shaking and his stomach was definitely uneasy.  
  
"What is it that you want, Agent Rivers?" Jack sighed frustrated.  
  
"I want to keep you up to date about our status." Rivers was starting to stutter. Talking with such a high ranking agent was a rarity for him. It would be an understatement to say that he was a naïve agent. He was green, baby face agent fresh from the Farm. "Would you like me to?"  
  
"I don't have all day, Agent Rivers." Jack barked, scaring the agent out of his mind.  
  
"I-uh-yes, yes sir." There was nothing but silence. "We're uh-going to-uh-uh."  
  
"Are you going to get your act together, Agent Rivers?" Jack barked again but silence only answered him. Completely frustrated, Jack hung up his phone and scoffed at it with absolute disdain. He hated new agents.  
  
Rivers just sat next to the phone and starred. He had never felt more intimidated in his life. His heart was pounding loudly in his chest- so loudly in fact; he thought it was going to jump straight out of his chest and onto the desolate looking table. Clearing his throat slightly, he pushed his way to his feet. His legs were trembling like something fierce beneath him. Jack Bristow had really unnerved him.  
  
Now, he waited to brief Sydney and Vaughn. Sydney sat across from him, watching him in almost eager anticipation. Her eyes were puffy and red, stained from the thousands of tears that she had shed. She crossed her arms firmly across her chest, barely moving or breathing. Vaughn sat on the aged couch, arms resting on either one of his knees. He looked equally as tired but something about him had changed.  
  
Rivers got up and took the dockets in his hands. They had been resting on the table, previously and carefully set there. "I have you aliases right here. If you would like to start reviewing those?" His attitude was considerably different from that of a few hours ago. He was quieter, meeker. Talking with Jack had really unnerved him and that very brisk conversation with Sydney hours earlier was not making his life any easier. Maybe it was the coffee that was making him shake or maybe it was the "looks" he was receiving from the other agents.  
  
Vaughn took the dockets, handing one to Sydney and letting the other rest on his lap. "What is going on with the detainees?" He asked before even opening the black folder. His hands rested on his lap, tightly folded and his eyes were alert and focused on Rivers.  
  
Rivers shifted slightly in his seat, feeling the pressure of the green eyes starring into his soul. "Nothing at the moment, sir." He hastily replied.  
  
"Nothing?" Vaughn repeated incredibly, "My traitor of a wife is sitting in a jail cell with information about what we're about to walk into and we're doing 'nothing?'" He rose to emphasize his point, "That is unacceptable." Sydney reached over from her seat and pulled him back down. She immediately received a meaningful glare.  
  
"Langley asked us to wait."  
  
"Langley doesn't know what's going on. I want Director Dixon or Jack Bristow on a secure line in twenty minutes or else I'm doing it myself. Excuse me." He abruptly got up once and went to walk from the room.  
  
Rivers looked at Sydney and then back at Vaughn. He knew what he had to do. "Agent Vaughn, please reacquire your seat. I'm the point man on this operation and as much as I respect your authority, you are not thinking level headedly." Rivers spoke relatively calmly, considering his stomach was quaking.  
  
Vaughn turned around slowly, gritting his teeth. "Who the hell do you think you are?"  
  
Rivers rose, keeping his chin level and his shoulders square, "I am an agent of the Intelligence Community and I have a responsibility to-"  
  
Vaughn stepped towards Rivers and was immediately standing over him, "Do not hand me that guidebook crap. Not of that is relevant in the real world!"  
  
"Protocol states-"  
  
It was with great difficulty that Vaughn didn't raise his hand and punch Rivers. Instead, Vaughn stepped even closer to Rivers, barely breathing. "I'm doing whatever it is I feel necessary to accomplish the task at hand. If that means breaking your precious protocol, then so be it. I will not stand idly by while my wife sits in a cell, withholding important information to release of hostages!"  
  
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The air was smooth and coated her body as she stood, ready to do something-anything. She was clothed in a simple white button down shirt, completed with a white camisole beneath it. She wore black pants and matching spiked heels. Her long black hair was swept into an elegant twist. She was carefully made up, looking as though she was ready to go out for a nice dinner instead of a hostage situation. She gritted her teeth down as she saw the white limo pull up by the back of some warehouse, where they destined their first meet in almost twenty-nine months.  
  
The limo stopped and disregarding proper procedure, Sark emerged without help from the chauffeur. "Agent Perkins." He greeted softly, walking rather quickly towards the unmoving agent. His hands opened towards her, wanting to greet her and whisk her into his arms. Every ounce of feeling that he had once had for her was rushing back. It was rushing back so quickly, in fact, he was becoming light headed.  
  
She had a plan and in order for the plan to work, she would have to go through every ounce of it. "Jules." She replied softly, worming her way into his arms and placing her hands on either side of his face. Without warning, she pressed her forehead against his, feeling his arms wrap around the small of her back. Her heart was racing so loudly in her chest; she wondered whether or not he could hear it. This was slowly killing her. Pushing further, she pressed her lips to his and engaged in the most passionate kiss she had experienced in a long while. The lack of oxygen made her dizzy. They parted and panted for a moment. "G-d how I missed you." She breathed.  
  
He was knocked completely off guard but welcomed it with more than open arms, quite literally. His breath was coming in short and uneven intervals. "Maddie."  
  
Madison grinned at the sound of hearing her name on his lips one more, "I'm here, Jules. I'm right here." She took a slow breath in. "Where's my daughter?"  
  
Sark grinned, "Nothing like cutting to the chase, ay Maddie?" He leaned in again to kiss her but she pulled back a little bit. "What's going on?"  
  
She grinned and wrapped her hands around his neck, "I do what you want if you do what I want. Yes, I'm yours now but I want to see my daughter and Agent Kilmer officially out of your custody and unharmed." She kissed him passionately again, not allowing him time to answer her. "Oh G-d, Jules," she moaned as she pulled back, running her fingers through his hair and around his neck, "It's been so long since I've seen you, Jules. I didn't realize how much I missed you. G-d, I missed you." Internally, she was cringing. Her heart no longer belonged to Sark...she loved Kilmer, as much as she hated him sometimes. The affair was a desperate mistake. It was just a moment that she needed to have. She was getting too close to her job, too close to Kilmer and it scared her so much that she ran into Sark's willing arms. Now, the feeling of his lips against hers just makes her vilely ill.  
  
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"It's not worth it for me to die here. It just isn't worth it. Julian Sark is not a good enough opponent to bring me down. I've fought against too many people for some punk to kill me." The blood continued to pool in his mouth, dripping out of his mouth. His eyes were bruised and swollen shut. The torture had become more intense but he no longer felt pain. Kilmer's only thoughts were on his little girl, who had not seen in what felt like years.  
  
"Mr. Sark is a very formidable opponent, Agent Kilmer." A man with a heavy foreign accent was circling the chair that he was bound to. He had stopped torturing Kilmer for a few moments just to let Kilmer get out a few words.  
  
Kilmer scoffed and looked away. "Not good enough to bring me down."  
  
The agent moved from the back of the chair to standing in front of Kilmer. With one swift movement, punch Kilmer across his face, cutting his skin even further. "If Mr. Sark wants to kill you then you will be killed. Do not doubt Mr. Sark, Agent Kilmer." Pausing to watch Kilmer internalize this and then started to place an assault on Kilmer's already tired and weak form. Unwillingly, Kilmer let out a heartbreaking, blood curdling scream.  
  
"That's enough!" The heavy metal doors came rushing opening and a pair of heels came quickly into the room. Her heels clicked quickly as she strode over to the guide. "That's enough!"  
  
The agent stepped away and looked at her with wide eyes, "Who the hell are you?"  
  
"I'm an associate with Mr. Sark-that's all you need to know. You are to stop-now! Get out of my sight or you will rue the day that you ever defied me!" She placed her hands on her hips and waited for the dark hair agent to obey her. The agent ducked his head and walked out of the room.  
  
As the doors slammed shut again, the woman rushed towards Kilmer and placed her hands on his face, "Oh my G-d, Robbie, what have they done to you?"  
  
He was losing his grip on consciousness and was sure that he was becoming delusional. There was no way that she was standing there. But, he felt her hands on his face and felt her breath on his face. "Ma- Maddie?" His voice was shaky and full of hurt. He no longer remembered how hurt he was that his daughter may not be his or she had an affair with the man that was trying to kill him. All of that was lost in the vast corners of his brain. He only cared about whether or not she was really standing in right there.  
  
She smiled and leaned forward towards him, "It's me, Robbie. It's Madison." She pressed a kiss into his forehead before scanning over his body. "What has he done to you?"  
  
"What are you doing here?" His thoughts were coming a little clearer now. He consciously knew that she was standing in front of him now. Her hands on his face were not going anywhere.  
  
"I-I've given myself to Sark in exchange for yours and Layla's freedom." She removed her hand and thrust it into her pocket, revealing a silver key. She bent over the yellow restraints that held him so tightly and unlocked the thick forms. "He's letting you go, Robbie." She locked the third restraint, bracing over his shins. Her hands made quick work of pulling them off of him and slowly helped him to sit up. He struggled, coughing and wheezing slightly. There was no doubt that he was weak. His body had been pumped with chemicals and other substances that severely crippled him. "C'mon, darling. Let's get you the hell out of this place."  
  
He sat up and firmly put his feet on the ground and looked towards Madison, "Maddie, what the hell is going on? Why are you here?"  
  
Madison put his arm around her neck and started to lift him slowly, "I'm here so you can live to raise Layla."  
  
"Layla needs her mother, though." Kilmer groaned softly as his feet and started to make his way miles across the room. "You shouldn't have done this. I could have han-handled myself with Sark."  
  
Madison rolled her eyes, "Yes and you've been handling yourself well so far." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm. She continued to urge him on, taking no more than baby steps.  
  
"I'm just as much of an agent as-"  
  
"I'm not doubting you, Robbie. I have never doubted you and I cannot believe that we're even having this conversation! I am trying to help you here and you're arguing with me! Now, shut up and keep walking!" She started to pull him along. She was so annoyed and infuriated at the fact that he was actually arguing with her about her giving herself for their safety.  
  
Kilmer was like a puppy with its tail between his legs, ashamed and embarrassed at the fact that he was a renowned agent, being pulled out of a situation by his female partner. Now, Kilmer was not sexist or overly proud by any means. However, it wasn't exactly the best for his somewhat large ego. It was never really a problem but he did suffer from the "Superhero Complex." He enjoyed being the one rescuing not the one needing the rescue. He was the man. He was provider. He was the rescuer. 


	26. One Hundred Percent

"Hello, my name is Shayla Davis. This is my associate, Mason Klein. We are checking in today." She licked her lips slightly and looked away from the dark curly hair receptionist to look down at the beautiful white marble counter. Sydney tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. Her arms were folded across the table but she always kept a careful eye on Vaughn standing right next to her. She was made-up beautifully. The tears were long gone and her skin was slightly darker with a long black wig replacing her mousy brown hair and extending down over the tailored white suit to the small of her back. She wore spiked heels, black tipped in white and they stood silently against the marble floor. They were hot on the trail of Sark and his hostages. It would only be a matter of time before they moved in for the kill.

_"Tell me what I want to know, Agent Reed and I won't kill you." Vaughn said emotionless as he sat on the other end of the table of her. _

_ "Michael," she started to plead._

_ "My name is Agent Vaughn and you will refer to me as such." He barely moved, not daring so much as breathe. Her face was became drastically pale and her lips pursued tightly. Now, Agent Reed, where is Sark keeping Agent Kilmer and the girl?" He barked again, not moving from his seat. His eyes glowed a violent shade of green that sent chills through Lauren's fragile spin. He was angry and wanted to kill her with every fiber, every ounce of his being. He tipped his chin up slightly again and repeated, "Tell me what I want to know, Agent Reed." _

_ She adjusted her body slightly in the chair to which she was restrained to. She wanted to keep some part of her dignity. "Why are you doing this, Michael?" Her voice quavered slightly, dripping with false love. "I don't understand."_

_ "Just like I never could understand why you were cheating on me with Jonathan or why you were a Covenant agent or why you would be part of something so horrible. I thought you were a good person, Lauren." He rose dramatically and stared down at her. "I thought I loved you and that you were in love with me. I guess I thought you were a different person, you cold, heartless, son of a bitch." He moved towards the door in one easy movement but turned back abruptly, "Agent Rivers will be in to take your statement."_

"Of course." The secretary responded in heavily accented English. She looked down at her computer screen and started to noisily click away at the keyboard. "Ah yes, Ms. Davis and Mr. Klein. You two are in room 39583, our deluxe suit with all proper accommodations. Do you have your preferred method of payment?"

Vaughn nodded and retrieved a credit card from his pocket. "Here ya go." His strong Texas twain made Sydney want to suppress a deep giggle. It just sounded so out of his true character.

The receptionist took the card, swiped it through and grinned, "Alright!" She tapped a few more times at the keyboard and retrieved two room keys, swiped them through the appropriate slot, and scribbled the room number on the outside. "Here are your room keys. If there is anything that you need assistance with, my name is Avery and I will be more than happy to help! Graham," she turned towards a quiet looking bell hop standing off behind the counter, "will you please escort them up to their room?" He nodded in agreement and turned around to the collect the baggage at Vaughn and Sydney's feet.

Vaughn took the keys and held them tightly in one of his hands. He placed the other on the small of Sydney's back to guide her as they followed the receptionist through the winding hallways and corridors of the Gilded Dove Hotel. "She was perky, wasn't she?" He asked in an accented voice through gritted teeth.

"They just get perkier and perkier." Sydney scoffed as they made their way towards the hotel room. She nodded affirmatively to Graham, who had no idea what was going. Probably because he could care less.

_ "You hate me for screwing your wife, don't you?" Jonathan Ross sneered as he glared at Vaughn._

_ Vaughn glared back with equaled frustration and hatred, "No. No, I really don't. You did me a service. Lauren Reed is nothing more than a thorn in my side." He deadpanned._

_ Jonathan laughed. It was a deep laugh that was rooted in the pit of his stomach and echoed throughout the tiny cell. "Nothing more than thorn in your side and nothing more than a woman to fill my bed." _

_ Vaughn simply smirked, "Alright Mr. Ross. Let's do this and get it over with. We both know what the hell is going on and beating around the bush isn't worth it. If you tell me what I want to know, then I can make sure that there is extreme leniency-"_

_ "You want to know what I know about __Sark__ and the girl?" Jonathan cut to the chase._

_ "So you know about Agent Kilmer's capture?" Vaughn countered._

_ "Know about it? I orchestrated it." Jonathan leaned back into his chair, starring back at Vaughn with an intense gaze. _

_ Vaughn took this information and took a slow moment to internalize it. He swallowed and fought for his composure, "Then tell me about it."_

_ "Or what?" Jonathan quickly countered. _

_ "I want to get this over with as much as you do, Mr. Ross. I want this to be painless."_

_ Jonathan smirked, "What is it feel like to want, Mr. Vaughn?"_

_ That's when Jonathan's nose was broken and his cheek was fractured._

Sydney threw her bag down on the white down comforter and surveyed the room. "I think this will do." She drawled happily to Vaughn, who nodded in complete agreement.

"Thank you, sir." Vaughn walked up to the bell-hop, who was still standing at the doorway. "That will be all." He handed him a bill and the bell hop departed. His green eyes watched as the door slammed shut and he let out a gasp of air. "Nothing like waiting around for a tip."

Sydney laughed lightly and sat down on the large king size bed, "He works hard for his money, Vaughn."

Vaughn threw the deadbolt closed and made sure that the door was locked securely. Without speaking, he pulled two bugs out of his white linen pocket and attached one to the door and one to an area near the bed. "There we go. We're safe now." Smiling again, he joined her on the bed, wrapping his arm around her tiny waist.

She laughed again, letting it resonate in her chest and spreading throughout the rest of her body, "Safe is always a relative term." She felt ten pounds lighter now that she told Vaughn the truth. He hadn't pressured her to make a decision and she thought this was because he trusted her. In truth, it was because he never doubted that she wouldn't pick him. It was a sure thing. Like longitude and latitude.

_ Vaughn circled back around Jonathan, beginning to lose his cool slightly. "I always wondered a few things, Mr. Ross. Would you mind clearing a few of them up for me? I promise this has nothing to do with the Covenant or any other type of intelligence work." His voice hissed into the detainee's ear._

_ Jonathan wanted to ignore the intense rage surging through his system, "What do you want of me, Mr. Vaughn? Break more bones in my body?"_

_ "Just answer a few more of my questions. And don't worry. These are personal." Vaughn snapped back. Silence. "Alright. Why my wife? Why Lauren?"_

_ "Why not Lauren? She is beautiful, smart, funny and G-d knows she's wonderful in bed. I had her in training and after __Paris__ and __Prague__, I wanted her again. Apparently, she felt the same."_

_ "And Amanda?"_

_ "Amanda is nothing more than a well-paid government employee. She had no idea of what was ever going on. She had no idea I was against her-I was the one sabotaging her missions. Naïve imbecile. She was gone the moment Renny came back into the picture."_

_ "Well." Vaughn replied, trying to bite back a smile. "Well, I guess that answers my questions."_

The adrenaline of the upcoming mission was starting pulsate through her veins. This was it. This was going to be the mission. "According to Jonathan and the other intel we received, Sark is keeping Kilmer in the sublevel basement, directly below the staff's quarters." She cleared her throat as Vaughn tightened his hand around her waist. She turned towards him and smiled, "After we get Kilmer back."

"I'm so proud of you." He whispered into her ear. "You are-"

She rolled her eyes, "-never going to get this mission done and this is so important. We can't afford this mission to fail. I promised Madison that I would bring Layla home safe and I'm a woman of my word." She dodged his evolving eyes and focused back on the specs. "If there was ever a mission we did right, it has to be this one."

"_So it is true that __Sydney__ was together with Mr. Kilmer for a bit of time?" Lauren inquired as though she was talking with a friend over a cup of tea. Her icy blue eyes were more stable now that her husband, estranged husband, had left her presence. He was the only one that could ever unnerve her. There had been so many nights that she had adamantly convinced herself that she could take him on if need be. On the other hand, there were an equal amount of nights that she knew, in the pit of her stomach knew, that he would be the one man that could bring her down at her knees. "Well, it is only fair that I get to ask some questions. You've been asking me questions the entire night. I think it's right that I get to ask one or two."_

_ Rivers smiled at her and nodded. It was his newness showing through, "Fair enough, Agent Reed."_

_ "So answer my question." She quickly replied, her venom seeping through like that of a snake's._

There was an internal beat rushing through their bodies as they burst forth from their secure room and into the white hallway. Things needed to go just right in order for the night to be considered a success. They swept away in the elevator and into the lobby. Sydney slid off first into the lobby, leaving Vaughn standing there with a stoic face. She nodded to him and strutted over to the receptionist, still standing her post. "Hello again."

"Oh Ms. Davis! How may I help you today?"

"I need to extend my stay."

"Already? Alright, Ms. Davis. Could you just tell me what room number you are staying in?"

"Oh to be perfectly honestly, I don't know. Couldn't you just look that up in your little computer?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'll get you the paper and you can just sign for it?" She turned away and started to type on her computer as Sydney reached into her white purse and pull a pen from it. She clicked a button that allowed data to be uploaded onto to Vaughn's laptop in the elevator. Her hands held it idly, waiting to press it to paper but really waited to hear two words in her comm.

"I need to sign for that, don't I?"

Avery looked up and shook her head, "We do everything by computer, ma'am. No signature required!" She grinned and turned back to the computer screen.

"I need more time!" Vaughn's plead came over her ears.

Sydney's improving needed to start-now. "Tell me, Avery, what make-up do you use? It's so pretty and I need a good brand." She smiled and set her pen down on the counter, lying in waiting.

"Oh!" Avery began to bubble and gush over what brand of make-up that she used. All of this, of course, was wasted on Sydney. She was concentrated on smiling and nodding at appropriate times. Where were those two words? "And that's when I got hooked." Avery concluded and turned back to the computer.

"Not yet!" Vaughn shouted.

_Damn it! _Sydney silently cursed the slow moving uploading process, "You know, Avery, if you're ever interested in a change, my company is always looking for new talent for high ranking positions. We would love to have you. You seem so bright and intelligent." Sydney slurred her words slightly in her accent and prayed that Avery would ask her to repeat her words.

And she did. "I'm sorry, Miss Davis?"

Sydney sighed and rolled her eyes, "I said, Ms. Avery, if you're ever interested in a change of scenery, my company is always looking for new talent for high ranking positions. We would love, love, love to have you. You seem so bright and intelligent. Of course, you would have to move stateside. That would never be a problem, would it? Lord, I hope not. You have such talent!"

"Got it!"

_Oh thank G-d! _"Well, why don't I leave you to think about it? I'm sure I'll talk to you later. Thank you so much." Sydney gushed for a second more and turned on her heels, strutting back into the elevator. Avery's mouth was left gapping open and she honestly didn't know what to do with herself. She was deeply flattered.

Sydney pressed the button and stepped in the elevator and found Vaughn still sitting there. She barely acknowledged him and waited for the doors to shut. "That took long enough."

"Sarcastic?"

"Just a little bit." She answered, biting down on the inside of her lip.

_"I'm cooperating. I want this made loud and clear to the Director. Is that understood?" Jonathan had crumbled when he had a multitude of broken bones and lost enough blood to make him woozy. "Is that understood?"_

_ "Let me just confirm your statement and then we'll give the Director a call. Julian Sark is holding Agent Kilmer and his daughter in the sublevel basement of the Gilded Dove Hotel. They are in room DS492. There are three armed guards that change shift every four and a half hours." Agent Rivers repeated the written statement from the yellow legal pad, scribbled with dark blue ink._

_ "Yes, yes!" Jonathan had cracked about two hours ago and he was honestly weak. He didn't want to fight anymore. He hadn't wanted to fight in a long time. All of this was an act. Everything was an act. Even the clever escape down the streets of __Odessa__ was a ploy. He just wanted to be out of this insane life and be loved for once in his life. It seemed a rather feminine goal but it was want he wanted. He had join the intelligence community to fill the empty void in his heart but only had it filled with darkness. When he met Lauren, things changed. He felt alive again. And these past hours, he hadn't been able to see her and that killed him. He honestly loved her and would do anything to see her again. He loved her more than anything else in the world. He would give his life for her in less than a heartbeat. "I want you to hold up your end of the bargain now, Agent Rivers."_

_ "Yes, yes of course, Mr. Ross. I give you my word."_


	27. The Great Escape

"Very funny. Am I in charge of how fast the thing downloads?" Vaughn smiled as the elevator started to descend into the sublevel basement. He held the needed swipe ID card, now complete with the correct information, in the allotted space. It allowed the elevator to enter the restricted space. His body was standing straight, shoulders level with the muzak playing in the background. Externally, he looked calm and collected. Inside however, he was a jumble of nerves. This was rare for him. He never got nervous. He double checked everything over and over again in his mind. In a few hours, all of this would be over.

Sydney watched with nervous energy as the numbers blinked with each passing floor. Her hands were clasped tightly behind her back and she concentrated on each rise and fall of her chest. Her breathing was much slower now. It was easier to be in this odd state of limbo than to be anywhere else in the world.

**Beep. Lower Lobby**

She was starting to lose control of the situation. They were entering the unknown realm where their lives were going to be in peril. But it didn't matter; they had no choice but to find Kilmer and the little girl.

**Beep. Parking Garage**

Vaughn adjusted the weight on his feet, just to regain the feeling of them. His palms were beginning sweat slightly. This was a bad sign. He was rarely nervous. Okay, almost rarely.

**Beep. Basement**

Hell and damnation...they were diving deeper into the underbelly of the hotel. They shot each other sympathetic glances as if they knew what the other was truly thinking. For the most part, they did. She knew that he was nervous about this...he was a field agent but there was something different about being in the field with her. She made him even more nervous. And he knew that there was part of her still loved Kilmer but she would make the right decision.

**Beep. Subbasement**

It dinged upon arrival, "We're here." Her voice was low and raspy. She was beyond adrenaline. There was always a point during the missions that she became frantic and had to think of a way to deal with it. She was at that point now. Her body was shaking and her palms were sweating. As much as she hated this feeling, it was a nice reality check that she was human. Vaughn removed his gun from his shoulder holster and handed Sydney's hers.

"Okay, they're in room DS492. That's down the Northwest corridor. We have to go this way." He replied softly to her as they took that brief period before they stepped into the subbasement. She took a slow breath in and stepped off of the elevator, Vaughn at her heals. They made their cautious way down the hallway, keeping a steady eye out for any guard. They had traveled about twenty or thirty feet, when they heard a familiar voice. A slight urge of panic shocked through their systems and both looked for a place to hide. Together, they ducked behind some sort of crate. It was enough coverage to keep them hidden. Vaughn had his back pressed against the wall, facing Sydney with her back against the crate and into some indentation of the wall. Their faces hovered inches from each other and their bodies very close.

A feisty black hair woman with a British accent came trilling down the hallway, dressed in a white button down shirt and black pants. "I swear to you, if someone follows them, I will kill you. Are you listening to me, Jules? I want my daughter safe passage way out of this hell." The woman stopped dead in front of the crate and tapped her heeled foot. Silence only responded. "I'm waiting for answer, Julian."

Sydney adjusted her weight slightly and was able to peer out into the corridor from the darkened corner they were sandwiched into. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head at the view of a very strong looking Madison, glaring down a very scared looking Sark. Sydney felt a pair of hands grab her and pulled her back into the depths of the darkness. Even though shadowed, Sydney could still make out the questioning look crossing over Vaughn's face. She was slightly discouraged and wasn't exactly sure how to tell him that it was Madison and Sark. Her hand went to his shoulder and tapped out the agent's name. Upon registering this information, Vaughn's eyes went wide.

Sark, meanwhile, scoffed and took a nervous step away from her. Making a move, he then moved closer towards her and starred down into her icy eyes. "I'm sorry, love, but that wasn't part of the deal."

"I want it to be part of the deal. I want their safe passage." Madison took a step back, towards the indentation. Her heels were pressed together and her hands pressed into her hips.

"No." Sark answered abruptly and turned his back towards Madison, pacing up and down the hallway.

Sydney reappeared from the side of the corner and motioned to Madison, who recognized her immediately, despite her disguise. They locked eyes and Madison, although shocked, could see process information and managed to blink an instruction in Morris code. Both straightened up immediately and turned to their partners with a definite state of mind. Sydney nodded to Vaughn and he seemed to be able to read her mind.

Vaughn knew that they had to take action. This was a golden opportunity for them to seize Sark and rescue Kilmer and Layla. Pressing his hand into her shoulder, he bent down and whispered "On my count-we'll make our presence know." Sydney nodded in agreement.

One

Two

Three

"Sark! Hands on your head! On your knees! Hands on your head! On your knees!" They shouted in near perfect unison, their guns trained on his head and his heart. The adrenaline started to rush again and all Sydney could hear was her heartbeat pounding in her head. Vaughn inched forward as Sark was forced onto his knees and secured by the two shouting agents. Actually, it was Vaughn who physically fixed firmly Sark. Slightly unhappy with this response, Vaughn took the business end part of his gun and connected it with Sark's temple.

"Madison!" Sydney turned quickly around and made eye contact with the other agent. "Madison, are you alright?" She rushed towards her and watched Madison shake her head back and forth. She put her hands on Madison's elbows to steady her but it was unnecessary. She was stable and coherent.

"I'm fine!" She shook Sydney off of her arms, apparently annoyed with this "rescue." She knew she was more than capable of handling herself. There was no reason for their to get involved in this situation whatsoever. Her hands returned to her hips but then briefly went onto her forehead.

"Alright, are we clear?" Vaughn shouted as he stepped over the unconscious body and towards the two women.

"Yes." Sydney replied and steadied Madison slightly. "Madison, take my gun and keep an eye on Sark. We'll go and get Kilmer and Layla."

"They're already being released." Madison replied simply. "I was just negotiating with the son of a bitch that they won't be tailed." She brushed past Sydney and grabbed Sark's belt, removing a walkie-talkie from his front belt loop. She took the black plastic piece in her hand and pressed a button, "This is Madison Perkins. I want the tail taken off of Kilmer-now. This is an authorized order. Code-word clearance; mocking bird." She dropped the electronic and stepped firmly on it, shattering it into a million pieces. She turned back towards Vaughn and Sydney. "Beat the crap out of him. I don't care what happens to the bastard." Without much thought to it, she walked over to Sark's body and delivered a quick and blunt kick to the solar plexus. "Son of a bitch."

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Kilmer continued down the street, keeping a steady eye on his back. He was being tailed and was terrified. It was rare that he felt that emotion rushing through his veins. Layla was clutching to his chest, wailing and screaming as only children can. She was equally as terrified but not of them men following down the busy Athens street but of the way she was being held and the uneasy breathing causing an uncomfortable sensation beneath her tiny body.

"I know baby. I know." He whispered now again, starting a faster pace. The sunlight was beating down on him and warming his body even more. Sweat started to trickle down his face. However, with each step, he was also becoming increasingly weak from the chemicals pumped through him. There was no way he could stop though. It was far too dangerous. He flashed around one more time and watched the three men, dressed head to toe in black business suits come to a complete stop. One had his remote link pressed up towards his mouth. Then, the same man motioned for the others to stop. They obeyed and turned around, like nothing had happened.

Kilmer watched with disbelief and clutched his daughter closer. His lucky was changing and for the better. He was so lucky. His body started to crumble and in the thick of the sidewalk, he crashed down, clutching his daughter to his chest. He sat there for a while, just rocking back and forth. The sun started to shift in the sky and a soft wind began to kick up. Layla stopped her crying and instead, just sat in her father's arms, happy to be safe. She murmured sounds that he assumed to be words in her world. He knew that he had to get them back to the safe house or find a safe house but he didn't know if he could physically stand. His body was so weak and Layla seemed so heavy in his arms.

"You're getting big." He managed to say at last. "So big." He kissed the top of her forehead, smiling as she emitted unpleasant noise. "You're safe now, baby girl. I'm so sorry I let anything happen to you. It won't. Over my dead body will anything happen to you."


	28. Decisions

**Okay, I heard this song on the radio and it totally clicks with this chapter...more with what Kilmer is going through than anyone else but I just thought it fit...we're getting down to the last couple of chapters!!! So here it is, Chapter 28 featuring:"Breaking the Habit" Linkin Park**

There are some awkward situations in life. Most of them can be dated in a high school career or early collegiate life. Well, this situation was a very real experience for a thirty-something crowd. They sat in the Athens safe house, waiting for the go order from Langley. Kilmer, Madison, Vaughn, and Sydney all sat in a circle, sipping tea and coffee in silence. No one really knew what to say to the other. Rivers was keeping an eye on Sark, now in custody, and Lauren and Jonathan.

Madison sat with her baby in her arms. Never had she felt so much relief in her life. She knew she had made this right decision, a lucky one at that. It was very risky for her to put her safety on the line like that but she loved Kilmer and Layla too much not to. She would rather have died a slow, painful death that have her beloved and daughter in peril. "I'm leaving the CIA." She spoke abruptly, quickly ending the silence that had reigned for all of five minutes.

_FLASHBACK  
  
Kilmer watched the door to the safe house open and he felt his entire body tense up. He knew he should have been expecting the others to join him. Still, he was apprehensive about seeing Madison again. He really wasn't mad at her. He couldn't be. While he had been tortured and subjected to more pain than is fit for words, he had come to terms with it. He knew that he loved her more than life itself and that it was okay. It was all okay. Plus, he had made his decision about what he was going to do with his life. _

_The door opened swiftly and a warm burst of humid air filled the room. Kilmer rosee at the sudden noise. Every muscle in his body bulged from his body and he thought his heart was going to pound out of his chest. Madison came in first, Vaughn and Sydney at her heels. "Where is she?" she shouted the moment the door flew open. She was still dressed in her black and white outfit and her gray eyes frantically searched the Athens house. "Where is Layla?"_

_"She's right here, Maddie." Kilmer replied, move from the couch and picking Layla off the floor, where she was playing with a set of blocks. Much to her dismay, he separated her from her beloved new toys and was subjected to angered screeches. _

_"Oh my baby!" Madison lunged towards Layla and hugged her tightly to her body, kissing her hair and mumbling slightly. "Oh my baby. My little girl." The tears flooded her hair and landed in the toddler's hair. She melted down on the floor and rocked back and forth. "I missed you. Mamma missed you so much. So much. I love you. I love you, little girl." Kilmer knelt down next to her. She sensed his presence and looked up, "I thought I lost both you." She reached up and touched his cheek. "I'm so sorry." _

The other agents snapped their attention towards her, their jaws dropping in disbelief. "Maddie, are you sure?" Kilmer was the first one to reclaim the idea of being able to talk. His tongue felt swollen and his heart started to pound in his chest. He knew where this conversation was going to go. They had one similar not three weeks earlier.

She turned towards Kilmer seated on the couch to her right. Her eyes were brimming over with emotion and her arms started to shake slightly as she worked up to this speech that she had been practicing in her head over and over again. "Layla is the most important thing in my life. When she was taken, I realized that I may have chosen this life but she didn't. And I can't live without her. I won't live without her. She deserves to be in a safe home and if that means a desk job for me, then so be it." She raised her head a little higher, revealing crystal tears forming in her eyes. "I'm not asking you to come with me, Robbie. I know you know about me and Julian. I understand if you don't want to stay."

Kilmer was without words, a rarity to be said. He sat forward and placed his hand on Layla's forehead, "I could honestly give a damn who her biological father is. I'm Layla's father and there is nothing in this world that's going to change that."

She reached for his hand and placed it upon his wrist, "That's very big of you, Robbie."

_**Memories consume  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I'm safe here in my room  
Unless I try to start again**_

"I had some time to think about it." He replied sarcastically, refraining barely from rolling his eyes. He pulled his hand away and immediately looked hurt. "That doesn't mean I'm okay with it. I will love Layla until the day I die. You, on the other hand, lied and cheated." He took a moment before continuing, "I was an assignment? Langley didn't trust me?"

There was no way that she was expecting this. He was suppose to be mad, yes; but it wasn't suppose to be this anger. She recognized this in his eyes and it honestly scared her. His chest started to heave, his lungs pulsating against his lungs. "Robbie, please."

"No, listen to _me_. I'll help you pack your bags and send you off back to LA or DC or whatever you want to go. I want to hear about Layla's life and be an active part in it. But that's all. I love you more than I thought I could. I'm sorry, Madison, but I can't keep this going. Not that I know the truth now." He got to his feet and turned his back on Madison, who was now close to tears.

"Robbie, Robbie please." She started to beg.

Sydney and Vaughn felt equally uncomfortable. They were witnessing a very intimate conversation that would end in a horrible destruction of their fairy tale life. They both knew that Madison and Kilmer loved each other and the intelligence community would tear them apart. Sydney's heart was especially breaking.

"I'm sorry, Maddie." He replied with his back facing her. "I love you so much but I can't be with you if everything's been a lie."

"Not everything's been a lie, Robbie! My feelings for you have been real! I could never fake that. I knew you before my assignment and I loved you even then. People called it a schoolgirl's crush but I knew that we were going to be something more. Please, Robbie, don't walk away from what we have. We've built a life-"

"A life based on lies, Madison." He snapped. "You were right. Everything's been screwed up for years. I realized after the entire incident with Lauren and Jonathan- I realize that I still have feelings for Sydney." He turned around and watched Sydney's reaction. His eyes stayed glued to her face and continued, "I still love her and always have. I've been lying too, Maddie. I've been telling you that my heart belongs to you but it's been split into two. I've been in love with Sydney all this time." Sydney kept her head down and starred intently at her hands. "And I'd be with her in a heartbeat, if she'd take me."

**_I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
Because inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm  
Breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight_**

Sydney's eyes still didn't move and her body felt frozen. She heard the muffled anguished gasp of Madison, unable to cope with any of this and she felt Vaughn's body stiffen up. It was now time to reveal her decision. "I'm so sorry, Kilmer." She managed to utter at last. These were her most painful words. She knew how much she was going to hurt him and she never intended to. He had been so kind and sweet to her when she was her when she wailed. Now, she was going to drive a stake through his heart. "I wish I could say that I felt the same way about you. I was so in love with when you. I loved you more than I possibly imagined anyone could love someone. And then you died or got extracted or whatever you want to call it. I was forced to move on."

She started to ramble on the same speech she had given before but stopped herself. There was no reason to hash open old wounds. "There is always a part of me that will love you, Kilmer. Nothing will ever change that. But I've moved on with my life and have found someone who-"She looked at Vaughn and prayed that he would respond with some sort of action. He nodded his head slightly and she felt like she was going to pass out from joy. He wanted to be with her again. He loved her again. She could be his again. "-who feels the same way. I'm so sorry, Kilmer. I wish I could-"

**_Clutching my cure  
I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I had no options left again_**

Kilmer took one hard look at her before turning and leaving the room. "Kilmer, wait!" "Robbie!" Both women shouted, getting to their to chase after him. There was a loud slam as the bedroom door slammed shut and another click told them that it was locked. Sydney pounded on the door with a closed fist, "Kilmer, open the door! Kilmer, open the damn door!" "Robbie! Oh please, Robbie!"

Madison stood a few feet behind Sydney, suddenly sober and remorse. She simply rocked the sleeping baby in her arms. "Sydney, just leave him be. It's going to take awhile for him to calm down. It always does." She started to walk away from the shut door, embarrassed by the tears rapidly falling down her cheeks. "I'm just going to contact my superiors and tell them my decision. I refuse to wait for contact from them." Her accent clipped softly as she made her way into the kitchen.

_**don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
â€Ëœcause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm  
Breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight**_

Well, everyone seemed to have forgotten about Vaughn for a moment. He still sat in the living room, hands on his knees and looking around like a lost little puppy dog. There were a couple of options but all of them would more than likely turn out sour. So, he just sat there and refused to move. He concentrated on his breathing and kept steady consciousness with the rise and fall of chest.

Sydney reappeared in the entranceway with her hands on her hips. His green eyes caught her brown ones as she moved silently into the room. Neither of them spoke a word as she nestled down beside him. He wrapped his arm around her, even though his touch wasn't really comforting. It was that same type of contact they had shared in Medical Services all those years ago. He swallowed hard and tried to come up with something to say, "Oh Syd." He sighed and swallowed again, "I wish there was something I could ay to you to make this better."

"I just wish there was a way to make everyone happy." She replied and put her head on his shoulder.

He rubbed lazy circles into her back, "Are you happy, at least?" His voice was smooth but raspy. He didn't care if the rest of it fell to hell but if she was happy, then it was all alright.

She sat up and starred into his eyes. There was something different about his intense gaze. His green eyes swirled around like mystic pools, threatening to swallow her whole. She met his gaze with equaled intensity. Her hand extended, feeling an icy chill run to her fingertips and touched his face. Like a spark to kerosene, there was a blast of heat rushing through both of them. She relaxed her hand against his cheek, resting her palm on his face. He felt the same heat and anxiety reach the breaking point in his body. His hand covered hers and slowly, he turned his face and kissed her palm. Softly, he turned back towards her and murmured, "Please tell me that you're happy with me."

She nodded so subtly that he almost thought that he had dreamt her reaction. Gaining nerve, she nodded again, "I'm happy with you." She leaned in closer, taking his other hand in hers and gripping it tightly. Their hands were pressed together between their stomachs as their foreheads were molding into one. "I'm so happy with you."

They sat there for a long while, feeling that life had finally come full circle. They had gone through the motions of pretending to move on with their lives and they had gone through the phases of avoiding their true feelings. Now, the masks were removed and the aliases were long forgotten. At the end of the day, at the end of this very important day, she was just a girl who was gone for two years and he was just a boy in the process of separating from his wife. Forget the intelligence community and all that it entailed. Of course, things were always dramatically more complicated. Just for right now, it was alright just to be there, with all of the complications intact. They just sat there, hands tightly clasped and foreheads pressed together in like perfect puzzle pieces.

Madison stood in the kitchen, watching like an alert observer of this intimate human relation. Her heart was breaking faster than she could allow the tears to escape her eyes. Kilmer had chosen a woman that was in love with someone else. This was all to be expected, to some degree. She had a daughter with another (younger) man. It was a blow to his ego. He would get over it. One thing about Robbie Kilmer was that he never stayed mad for long. Besides, she had reason to be mad at him. He had kissed Sydney just a few days earlier and confessed his love for her right in front of her. Her affair had been over 29 months ago. Almost three years. Almost three years. She licked her lips and could still taste Sark's lips pressed against hers and she almost vomited. Honestly, she loved Kilmer more than anything and wished that he would resign from the CIA and be with her. Apparently, that wasn't going to happen. She tried not to laugh at the fact that only ten days earlier, he had told her that no one would ever know about Layla and how they could escape to the States. All of that was nothing more than cotton candy filled lies. She adjusted her beautiful baby girl in her arms as she reached for her secure cell phone. With her fingernail, she dialed a series of codes, "HQ, this is Agent Madison Perkins...."

Kilmer braced his arms on either side of the sink and starred into his own complexion. He felt dirty and heartbroken. He had felt this way after leaving Sydney the first time. There were so many times that he wanted to tell her of his double agent status when they were at SD-6 together. It was an almost uncontrollable urge that he felt whenever they were alone, especially when they were in non-work related situations. He had no idea what he was going to do now. His whole plan, the idea of working side by side with Sydney again, crumbled faster than he ever could have anticipated. He was set here now, with absolutely no plan and no direction. He wanted to take Madison back. He wanted not to be furious with her. She had cheated on him, however, and had a child with another man. That was a mistake that she would live with for the rest of her life. Part of him wanted to scream, "hasn't she suffered enough?" But had she suffered? Hadn't he been the one that had truly suffered throughout all of this? It was his perfect life that had been shattered. He had a beautiful fiancée with an even more beautiful child and then it was all being destroyed. His fiancée was no longer being honest with him and the more beautiful child was no longer his.

So...what was he going to do? He could take Madison back and go back to being happy. He could make due on all of those promises he had made to her. They could go back to being a happy again. They could forget the past and just move on with their lives. All that he said could be erased. He could take it all back and all of it would be forgotten. It would be simple and it would be easy.

**_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
To show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright_**

Or, he could ask for another long term assignment and disappear into his work. No love to complicate things. He could be a true agent again. He wouldn't have to worry about past lovers or their pasts. No longer would Project Dying Rose haunt him and the names of Sydney, Madison, and Layla could disappear into the smoke. His name would vanish faster than a spark of lightning.

**_So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit_**

He locked eyes with himself one last time, coming up with a decision in his mind. This was the way it was going to have to be. He walked away from the vanity, unlocked the door, feeling the cool metal beneath his clammy palms, and entered the living room. "Madison?"

_**  
Tonight**_


	29. His Goodbye Girl

**_Sorry this chapter took so long! My computer crashed and I had to wipe my hard drive! Okay, without further ado.... _**

"Madison?" Kilmer continued to call as he left the sanctity of the bathroom. His feet treaded lightly against the cheap wood. His mind was a jumble of thoughts and he was sure that he was making the best decision. It would be best for all parties involved and would probably make him happiest. This is what he truly wanted...at the pit of his stomach. This what every night lying awake for for. It was for this moment. He turned the corner to the living room, after checking all of the rooms for Madison. "Madison?" Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't be. There was the woman who had just rejected him in the arms of another man. His arm was snaked around her waist and she was obviously upset about something, probably this entire situation. She was gazing lovingly into his eyes and had her hand pressed into his. Kilmer's voice felt lost and his chest felt tight. He didn't call out anymore. All he could do was just stare there and feel lost...and rejected...and just all and all terrible.

Sydney felt so comfortable in the embrace that kept her so warm. Her brown eyes scanned away from Vaughn and to the doorway of the living room. "Kilmer." She managed to speak, finding her voice insanely raspy. She held onto Vaughn's hand tightly and felt her own fingertips go numb from the loss of circulation. "Kilmer, come and sit."

Kilmer was still standing straight in the doorway. His face looked torn and his body broken. However, he obeyed silently, unable to say anything. He walked slowly, feeling the heavy weight of his feet drag against the old wooden floor. This wasn't the way things were suppose to work. One of the women he loved should not have bee embraced so tightly with another man. He should have been that man holding her so tightly. Silently, he sat down in the overstuffed chair and starred at Sydney and Vaughn. His body sunk down slightly and he reclined against the back of it.

"What's going on, Kilmer?" Sydney spoke again, finding her voice a little stronger this time. Her body slowly untwined from Vaughn's and she found her body straightening. She looked at him with clearer eyes and felt a professional type of attitude seep back into her veins. All of the emotions that were locked away were finally coming into the light. Things were finally making sense. Everything that he had said before...how he acted towards her when she was sick...everything made sense.

"I've had better days, sweet-pea." Kilmer hid his eyes with the palm of his hands.

Vaughn shifted his weight slightly and found that Sydney was gripped her own hands tightly...even tighter as Kilmer called her that old pet name. He snaked his other arm around her waist and found the sensitive spot just by her floating ribs. She shot him a deathly glare. The last thing she wanted was Kilmer to feel uncomfortable about her decision.

"I need to talk to all of you." Kilmer spoke again, removing his hands and looking hard at Sydney and Vaughn, "Where's Madison?"

Madison had been standing in the kitchen, fixing a rather early meal for Layla when she heard her name being mentioned. She had just hung up the phone with Langley and felt thoroughly drained. It was a long and emotional night for her and she felt as though her body was going to break into two at any moment. The only thing that was keeping her sane was the little girl desperately trying to get free from her mother's grasp. Madison gripped her daughter a little tighter as she was told the ramifications of her actions. It was a lot more than she realized. There were things that she never thought would happen. Her heart was heavy as she rounded the corner and came into plain sight, "What is it, Robbie?" Madison spoke loudly over the loud wails of her daughter. She turned her attention towards and made shushing noises.

Kilmer turned to look at her and found he was without his voice again, "Maddie..." And just like, he was a beggar on his knees. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-I don't want-Madison, I'm sorry." He said at last and all in one breath. It took him a long moment of awkward silence and shaky nerves. He stood up and crossed to her, placing his hands on her shoulders and starring into her eyes. "I don't care what it is but Maddie, I can't lose you. I love you." He realized how horrible his original decision was. The woman he hadn't picked hadn't returned his sentiment. He had to move on. In real life, he would have had time to mourn over losing her but this wasn't real life. Life moved faster in the intelligence community.

She took a small step back, losing the feeling of his hands on her and looked at him with hurt eyes. She realized in a heartbeat and her emotions were so tired that she didn't know what to think. "Would you have gone with Sydney if she weren't going with Agent Vaughn?" She replied brusquely. Hurt, she crossed, unable to look at him anymore and placed Layla down on the carpeting, letting her play and walk about.

His mouth dropped open and he was unable to speak for a moment. "I-I was upset, Madison. I didn't know how to react to finding out that Layla wasn't mine." He answered back, fighting to control his temper. He extended his hands out towards her, "Let's just stop all of this. Please baby."

"None of this would have happened if you hadn't stayed to attend Sydney after Lauren and Jonathan escape! You were too pig-headed to look after your love than to do your job! Why the bloody hell didn't you think? Why didn't you do your job and why couldn't you stay loyal to me?" She screamed, feeling a final release of emotions take hold. She stood up and faced him abruptly, placing her hands on her hips defensively.

"I did that because...I don't know why I did it." He looked away and tried the best that he could to cover his tracks. The veteran always failed at this. He could never lie to the woman that he loved. Not after what happened with Sydney. It was just impractical and nearly impossible. Nevertheless, he gritted his teeth down hard, "Is that what you want to hear from me, Maddie? I don't know why I did it and I'm not proud of myself. If I could take it back, I would have already!" He softened his tone slightly, "I'm asking you, baby, please don't do this to me. Don't say no." He brushed his hand against her cheek and watched her painfully as she winced at his touch, "We've been so happy for so long."

Her tone was noticeably softer. "And then this entire community has managed to screw us over. Karma knew what the bloody hell it was doing when it wreaked havoc on our lives." She said, finding her tone a little softer. She was breaking and it was apparent. It would only be a few moments before she would crash into his arms and it would all be over with.

He stepped an inch closer and found his arms around her waist line again, "But we can do all we can fight, can't we?" She only struggled a little bit, whining beneath herself.

She nodded her head softly and felt like she was going to break. The tears were already starting to form and she felt like her heart was going to drop from her chest. She suppressed another whining groan. She took a slow inhale and realized what was happening. "No. I won't take you back just like this. No." She back away from him slowly and started to shake her head back and forth. "It can't happen like this. I'm leaving the CIA."

He had been so upset with her and now she was equally upset with him. They were at a classic impasse. Neither of them wanted to move from their position and both wanted the other to crumble into their arms. Her gray eyes stung as she fought to maintain her ground. His touch was making her weak. His face looked so tired and it looked as though every expression was a lot more work than it really should be. "Don't. You're such a wonderful agent."

"I have to. For Layla's sake."

"Then where will you go? What will you do?"

She snapped again, "What do you care?"

This was going to get very ugly, very fast. Sydney tapped Vaughn's leg softly and motioned for them to disappear into their bedroom. Both felt uncomfortable at this intimate display of emotions and decided through little taps and pointed looks that it would be best to leave. Their hands were tightly joined and their bodies were melded tightly as they moved unnoticed out of the room.

"I care at the fact that you're going to waste all of your talent because you're afraid! You cannot let fear run your life, Madison! That's not how we work!" Kilmer retorted tartly.

"It's not your decision, Robbie. It's mine and mine alone. This is my decision!" Madison screamed back.

"We need to pack anyway." Sydney justified as Vaughn closed and locked the door, drowning out the noise of Kilmer and Madison's argument. She walked into the room and surveyed it, keeping her back to him. Somewhere in this entrance, she lost contact with his body, immediately feeling the cold of being alone. There was an awkward silence and Sydney thought desperately on how to break it. "This is a nice little place." Desperately, she refused to talk about the situation about the other agents. Instead, she focused on small little things.

"If you like safe house." Vaughn countered coming up behind and wrapped his arms around her waist. He kissed the back of her neck and swayed with her softly. "As long as I'm with you, I don't care where we are." He laughed softly and continued to cradle her body in his.

Sydney burrowed her brow as she placed her hands over his. "This is hard, isn't it?" She tipped her head back, resting on his shoulder. This was an open invitation for him to continue to kiss the back of her neck, following down her jugular vein and onto her collarbone. She quickly gasped and giggled, pulling it away, only to be pulled back into his arms. She felt so guilty laughing but it tickled. "Stop." She turned and looked into his eyes, "Stop." Her hands gripped his again, hanging by their waists.

"Alright." He relented after a moment of intense stares. "Yes, it is hard." He knew he had to relent to what she was saying if he wanted to make her happy. He was happy just at the fact that she "chosen" him. That was all he needed. He had the girl he loved again.

"What do you think is going to happen with them now?" She asked softly, her thoughts running a thousand miles at a time. She starred down at their combined hands and sighed.

"I hope that they can be happy." Vaughn said slowly, obviously choosing his words carefully. "They'll make the right decision."

"Kilmer has never done anything the easy way." Sydney warned slightly as she pulled herself into his arms and buried her head into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and just held her like that for a long time.

"Have you?" He joked softly, feeling her smile into his chest and nod in agreement. "Well," he continued with certainty, "then I'm sure that everything will work out." He took a moment. "It did with us."

She pulled back and looked into his green eyes, "It did, didn't it?" The grin was spreading over her face. Finally, she was beginning to see a future that was going to be alright. She wouldn't have to wakeup in her apartment, alone, hysterically crying.

"Yes." Vaughn repeated again, feeling more confident with his answer. He squeezed her tightly and shared a smile. Leaning in, he captured her lips with his. It was just a sweet, simple kiss that sent her head over heels. "I love you." He whispered as they parted.

For the first time in over two years, she could honestly whisper, "I love you." And just like that, she felt so naked and so exposed after uttering those few words. It was like she had been stripped down as her mouth opened. She sunk deeply into his arms and just tried to inhale as deeply as possible.

Vaughn peered down and attempted to catch her eye, "What is it, baby?"

She groaned and held on even tighter. "It's been such a long time since someone has held me. It's a basic principle, isn't it? I haven't felt like this in such a long time."

He smiled and gripped her even tighter, "It's been a while since I've held someone that I've loved. And I missed it. I miss having you in my arms."

"I missed being in your arms." She admitted, taking a slow inhale. "Promise me something?"

"Anything, baby." He found his voice getting husky and his heart swelling of absolute love and joy. He leaned back to look deep into her eyes and to brush a piece of hair out of her face.

"Promise me you won't ever say good-bye to me. That you won't leave me." She knew it was a jump in the conversation but these thoughts had been bubbling, had been brewing inside of her heart for a long time and now seemed as good as time as ever to express them.

"I promise I will never leave you. I'm yours." He spoke honestly and fluently. "I promise." He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers, not kissing her but just pressed there. It was a nice moment, accompanied only by the sound of their own heartbeats and the gentle puffs of air from their lips.

_**So forget your past my Goodbye Girl  
  
'Cause now you're home at last**_

Author's Note:

Okay, one more chapter and then I think this will be done! It's been a lot of fun writing this and hopefully you enjoyed it! I'm starting to go through different ideas for a new story but all of them are works in progress. **_  
  
_**


	30. Finally

Sunlight slowly streamed through the white curtains of her apartment, shedding a yellow glow throughout the bedroom. The woman lying in the bed stirred slightly, feeling the warmness rest on her soy cheeks. Her bow eyes fluttered open and found the bed empty. She reached over to the other side of the bed and found it empty. This confused her slightly. "Vaughn?" her raspy voice tried to yell out into the rest of the apartment.

"Well, good morning, Sleeping Beauty." A shirtless Vaughn appeared from the bathroom. A lazy grin spread over his face as he watched her become more coherent. He wore a pair of old blue track pants, showing off the rippled stomach that drove Sydney crazy. Just coming from the shower, he held a towel in his hand and continued to dry off the excess water. "Did you sleep?" He moved over to the bed and climbed in next to her, abandoning the towel. She immediately curled up next to him.

She groaned happily, "Like a log." She flipped over onto her stomach, rubbing her hands over her eyes, "What time is it?"

"Almost seven-thirty." He replied, starting to rub lazy circles on her back. "You slept in late today." Not giving her a moment to respond, he started to tickle her. She burst into a fit of laughter, gasping for air as she begged him to stop. They rolled over the bed, both gasping and laughing. Vaughn ended up on top, tickling her relentlessly, "Alright, alright. Fine." He relented at last, kissing her before rolling off beside her.

"I need to get up soon. We have that disciplinary hearing in two hours." She traced a line over his forehead with her index finger. "

"You really don't have to go, Syd. No one's expecting you to-" Vaughn answered as he shifted his weight to get more comfortable. One arm wrapped around her back, propping her up slightly. He played with a renegade strand of her hair that never seemed to be straight.

She stopped his hand with hers. "I need to go, Vaughn. This is Kilmer and Madison we're talking about. I can't just go about my day and pretend that nothing's happening." She talked of them like they were old childhood friends. Even with all of the incidents that occurred, she still deeply cared for their mental well being. It was in her nature to always want to root for the good guys. "This is just bureaucratic nonsense."

This was frustrating to hear and he sighed accordingly, "Syd, this cannot end well." He pulled away from her for a moment, choosing to sit up a little more.

Sydney sat up, sitting high at eye level with him. "Vaughn, I don't want to depend on someone else to tell me what's going to happen to them. Kilmer is a good agent, has been and always will be. He doesn't deserve to face the committee. He could lose his status as a field agent. He did nothing wrong. It was a mutual decision to do what they did." This was true. Kilmer was facing the committee because of Layla and the situation ensued. For some reason, the Agency was placing the blame on Kilmer's shoulders. He shouldn't have started a relationship with his partner. He should have kept his daughter safer. He should have found a way to escape. Of course, this was all ridiculous and no outside should ever intervene in their complex world.

Vaughn was equally as frustrated as Sydney was but for different reasons. Those thoughts, those "what ifs" had run though his mind from the moment he had agreed to open his heart to her. It was that fear that kept him away, even though in his heart of hears, knew that he was beginning to love her. He sympathized so much for Kilmer. He had seen a similar situation being played out in his mind. He saw a happy life, covert life with Sydney in some grungy apartment. Their love and eventual marriage would be kept hidden from the rest of the world but it would be there regardless. It would all come crashing down eventually. The pressure would be too great or the world would suddenly seem too big for them to survive in. One of them would be lost to the community that had already claimed their lives the moment they signed their names on the dotted lines.

"Syd, Kilmer's faced worse things than that committee. He had to face off with both you and Madison. Something tells me that guy's gonna be just fine."

"Hey, you survived me and managed to come out the other side."

Vaughn grinned, "Yeah Kilmer survived you and Madison. We should put him up for sainthood or something." He placed another quick kiss on the temple. "Saint Robbie Kilmer."

88888

"Everything's going to be fine. We have absolutely nothing to worry about. We did nothing wrong." Madison spoke softly, as she resisted the temptation of tapping her foot incisively. Her nerves were beginning to show and it felt as though her heart was going to expel itself from her chest. She hadn't been able to eat since she returned to the states and even in her five day return, she had already lost weight. "We were doing our jobs."

Kilmer was standing caddy-corner to Madison, listening intently and scanning the Rotunda. "We were doing our jobs." It had been such a long time since he had stood in this building. He wasn't supposed to be here ever again. LA was crossed off the list of destinations years ago. "If they want to-"

"Don't even finish that sentence, Robbie." Madison snapped and looked deep into his eyes. "Don't you dare." She stepped closer to him and hushed her voice, "Swear to me that if something happens, you won't let them take Layla."

He closed whatever gap was between them and looked into her eyes, "Baby, you know that I don't-"

"Swear it or so help me!" She hissed again, standing toe to toe with him. The rage was beginning to overflow. "I will not tolerate a bunch of bureaucrats to take my daughter-my own flesh and blood-away from me. I don't care what happens to me-I'm leaving the Agency regardless. But if they decide I am an unfit mother or cannot have custody-I want you to swear to me that you will keep her!"

Kilmer sighed and tried to smile. He raised a hand to brush through her long black hair tied at the nape of her neck, "I will through myself in front of a train to keep that little girl safe."

She swallowed tears that were welling in her throat, "What's going to happen now?"

Kilmer sighed, letting his hand fall to her shoulder, "I think we're in for a very long afternoon, baby."

Madison smiled and sighed deeply, feeling her chest depress all the while. "I can't wait for all of this to be over. The anxiety over all of this isn't worth it. I just want to go home."

This caught Kilmer off guard, "Home to where? Odessa?"

Madison shook her head, "London. I want to go back to my home."

"Is that where you're planning to go once this is all over?" He watched her nod painfully, "And even though I'm not going, you're still going to go back?" Again, her head bobbed up and down. Slightly taken back, Kilmer removed his hand from her body, "Why, baby?"

"Not here, okay, Robbie?" She begged. "After we meet with the hearing, then we'll deal with where we go from here."

Sydney and Vaughn rounded the corner of the Rotunda, coming into the white dim light that flooded the open area. "There they are." Sydney whispered softly as they spotted Kilmer and Madison exchanging furtive words. "I want to talk to them before they go in to face-"

"Is that such a good idea, Syd?" Vaughn whispered, pulling her back into reality.

"I don't know but I'm going to do it anyway." Sydney replied, stepping away and walked briskly towards the couple, standing in a small corner of the room. "Kilmer, Madison?"

"Sydney." Kilmer looked away from Madison to acknowledge her. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine but the more important thing is how are you two doing?" She crossed her arms over her chest and examined her shoes for a moment.

"We're doing fine." Kilmer answered for the both of them. He put his hand on the small of Madison's back and shared a sad smile. Turning back, his emotions changed softly, "Why don't we meet you afterwards-let you know what happened." He took a moment, "Is the Carrington Pond still there in the Park?"

Sydney nodded, "Always, Kilmer, you should know that. Just call when you're done." With that, she turned on her heels, slightly disappointed at what had just happened. She didn't know what she wanted but something in her gut told her that wasn't it. Meeting there, Carrington Pond, was poignant for her and she was sure that it was intentional. It was where Kilmer had told her that he loved her. Feeling a wave of unbridled emotion, Sydney swept away from the two other agents, Vaughn unsure in her wake.

"Good luck, Kilmer. Madison." Vaughn shook each of their hands and turned to follow Sydney. "Sydney?" He caught up with her at her desk, where she stood bracing herself against her desk, head down and elbows locked. She shook her head back and forth, eyes shut for a moment. He placed his hand on her back and glanced over his shoulder. Kilmer and Madison were being shown to the conference room.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." Sydney picked her head up and sighed. "I shouldn't-"

"It's okay. You don't have to explain anything to me." He nudged her to stand up and he engulfed her into a hug. He placed a soft kiss in her hair. "It's all going to be okay, Syd."

She stood there in his arms, just feeling safe for a few moments. She couldn't understand what she was feeling and why she was feeling this way. It made her chest ache and her head hurt. She was just being overly emotional; she tried to rationalize with herself. "I guess we wait now, huh?" She spoke muffled into his shoulder.

"Let's get out of here. Today's our day off. C'mon, baby." He tucked his arm around her waist and pulled away, leading her out of the Rotunda. He placed a quick kiss to her forehead.

"I should really wait around." She protested, stopping in her tracks.

Vaughn continued to pull her along, not really letting her pause, "Syd, there's nothing you can do here. They're not going to let you into the disciplinary hearings and waiting around here won't do you any good. So, let's go-grab a bite to eat or something or just wait at the park."

She looked at him with honest eyes and replied darkly, "I've never been good at waiting."

"Well, this'll be good practice for you."

88888

After a long debate and many harsh glares, the couple finally ended up at Carrington Pond in the Park. There were people around, like always; taking jogs, playing Frisbee, walking their dogs. All were enjoying the beautiful day, letting the bright yellow run rain down on them, washing over them like a warm blanket. The air was cool and crisp for such a day. The water on the pond glistened a mirror silver. This area was more secluded. There were dense trees that surrounded the circular pond like a protective coating from the outside world. Fewer people came over this way and today, Sydney and Vaughn found themselves nearly alone as they sat, starring at the water. They sat together, hands tightly clasped, on top of a picnic table.

"When I was at SD-6," Sydney broke the silence between them suddenly. It had been nearly thirty minutes since they had arrived there and neither had really said anything. Both were consumed with their own thoughts and worries. "there was this policy: don't ask, don't tell."

Vaughn looked at her, wondering where this was going, "Yeah?"

She nodded, "They could give a crap what happened to their agents. I mean, inter-office dating was frowned upon but there was no disciplinary action taken normally. Everyone eventually found out about me and Kilmer and nothing really ever happen to us." She swallowed and clasped his hand a little bit tighter, "I guess what I'm trying to say-this is so screwed up that they're putting Kilmer and Madison through this. They should just let them do what they want. It's not fair."

Vaughn furrowed his brow and shook his head back and forth, "I wish things were different."

"I mean, this terrifies me because that could be us someday. I do not want the Agency to tell me that we can't be together. We've been through too much not to deserve to be together. I can't lose you, Vaughn. I don't know what I'd do without you." She finally confessed. This is what it had been about the entire time. It was the fear of losing what she had wanted for such a long time. It woke her up these past few nights and shook her during daydreams.

He got up and stood on the ground in front of her, hands clasping hers tightly, "Syd, I swear to you, I will never-ever let anyone take you away from me. It's not an option. I love you more than anything else in this world and I will be damned if someone takes you away from me."

Sydney looked into his green eyes and realized that how moist her own were becoming. She reached up and touched his face, feeling the tiniest bit of stubble beneath her fingertips. "I love you too." She managed to say finally, clearing her throat. This is what she had needed to hear. In her heart, she knew that he wouldn't let anything happen to her but with the hearing and everything going on, she really needed to hear it from him.

"Is this what's been bothering you?" He watched her nod softly. "Baby."

"I know, it's stupid of me but I couldn't help thinking it. Look at our past. It's as screwed up as it could possibly get. I just-"

"I swear to you, as long as I am breathing and alive, no one will ever-ever take you away from me. Okay? I will never let anything stand in the way of us, ever again." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his body. His own eyes felt a little moist from the realization that he might one day have to fight for her. But that was okay. He was willing to do anything for her. Even die for her.

A shrilling ring shattered the beautiful picture; Vaughn's cell phone. Looking at her despairingly, he answered, "Vaughn.....Yes.....What? No, I don't understa-they'll look into it?....Okay....thank you. Yes. Yes. Yes, thank you." And with that, he clicked the phone shut. Unable to deal with the sudden onset of emotions, he stepped back. His eyes stayed focus on the ground for a second as his mind reeled through the thoughts.

"What is it?" Sydney asked.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. He shouldn't have felt like this. He should have been happy about this. "That-um-that was the office-Jonathan committed suicide this morning and Lauren just pled guilty to all counts. She's going to get the death penalty for treason."

Sydney was slightly taken back by this, "Oh G-d."

He took a slow inhale and hissed, "Let her rot." His eyes looked up to meet Sydney's, "She betrayed me and this country. She deserves whatever she gets." He stepped forward again and crashed into Sydney's arms. For a moment, he just stood there, unsure what to think or believe.

Sydney adjusted her body and held him closer, "This is what she deserves, Vaughn. This is what they both deserve."

There was type of calmness that swept over both of them for a long while. Vaughn eventually took residence besides Sydney, keeping their hands joined. He couldn't seem to focus on what was really going on and it felt so surreal to him. His wife was going to be executed. His lying, cheating, adulteress wife was going to be executed. And yet, he felt guilty about being relieved. He wanted her to rot for all eternity and it felt so wrong. He did love her once. His eyes drifted over to Sydney, who was starring intently at the water. He was now in love with her. Technically, he had never stopped loving her but now, with Lauren committing treason and cheating, he was allowed to love her again. It would not be easy...nothing for them would ever be easy. But maybe, just maybe, this time it would work.

Sydney took in a slow inhale, feeling her chest slowly expand and then collapse. Is there how everything was going to fall into place? There was still a tight knot in the pit of her stomach for Kilmer and Madison. Things with Vaughn and Lauren had finally been resolved for the better. She felt so relieved, was that the right word?, when she heard what was going to happen. There had been a sort of animosity in between the two women since the first moment. It wasn't the "other woman," it was something more than that, that Sydney could never put her finger on and probably never would. It was a sense of betrayal. She woke up after what felt like twenty minutes to discover that her boyfriend had married. It was a horrible feeling. She looked over to Vaughn and squeezed his hand tightly in hers. "Everything will work out for the best." She whispered softly, unsure of even her own words. He returned the gaze and nodded, just wanting to lapse into silence for a little while longer.

The minutes passed by hours. Instead of filling their void with speech, they let the silence prevail until Sydney's phone rang. It was Kilmer. He had news of their disciplinary hearing that was finished in record time. Now, it would only be a matter of minutes before they would hear the news.

Vaughn spotted them first on the other side. Kilmer stood, tall as ever in his black wrinkled suit. His tied had been loosed and the jacket long gone. The sleeves were pushed up by his elbows. In his arms, he held Madison close. She looked more defeated than he did, her blazer flapping open with each step that she took. Her arm was wrapped around his back and her gaze seemed focus on their feet. "I don't know how this looks."

"Madison doesn't look good." Sydney remarked, getting up to her feet slowly.

"Sydney, Vaughn." Kilmer greeted as he rounded closer to them. "How are you?"

Sydney found herself still holding tightly to Vaughn's hand, "We're doing okay. How'd everything go?"

Madison looked up from the ground, her eyes puffy and skin blotchy from fallen tears, "They're letting us off. I'm officially leaving the Agency as of the first of the month and no disciplinary action is being taken against me for what happened." She looked to Kilmer and sniffled slightly. He sighed gently and brushed beneath her eyes with his index finger. "But Kilmer-"

"I'm being sent on another deep cover assignment." He sighed and looked at Sydney and shook his head back and forth. "I'm being sent to Bangkok for an undetermined amount of time."

Sydney couldn't help but gasp. "What? Why?"

Kilmer just starred, "Because they need someone to go and apparently, I'm that someone." Sarcasm seeped from his words and dreaded from his body. "So, as of Monday, I'm back on assignment."

Vaughn couldn't find anything to say. He wanted to say something of importance and good to help Kilmer and Madison but could think of nothing. Sometimes silence is a man's best friend. "Monday?" He found himself saying.

"I get the weekend to be with Madison and Layla...say my good-byes and then I fly out of Dover on Monday morning." He tried to smile but failed rather miserably. "But, I didn't have to face any disciplinary actions. Be grateful for small favors, I guess." He pulled Madison a little closer and kissed the crown of her head.

"It's been a hard day." Madison said softly, the tone of her voice slowly starting to sound stronger.

"What happens now?" Sydney asked, not knowing whether she wanted to know that answer or not. Nothing would make her satisfied. Madison and Kilmer deserved to stay in LA together, watching their daughter grow.

"Well, I'm going to move back to home to Barton...maybe find a little house or apartment there with Layla. I'll find work-everything'll be fine. And we'll just wait. We'll wait for Robbie to come home." Madison looked at Kilmer and took his free hand in hers. "Everything will work out."

Kilmer nodded and looked to Vaughn and Sydney, "That'll be that. Hopefully it'll be no more than a few months. Six, at the most." Ever the optimist, he tried to smile.

"Is there anything that you need us to do?" Sydney asked.

"Just keep your fingers crossed for us, sweet pea." Kilmer grinned. "We better get going. Just wanted to let you know the news." Before even hearing a reply, Kilmer turned on his heels and walked away.

Sydney watched the two figures retreat out of view. She didn't know when the next time she would see either one of them again. Maybe she wouldn't. She never expected to see Robbie Kilmer ever again. All she could do was keep her fingers crossed. Every would be okay. It had to be okay for them.

"Penny for your thoughts, Syd?" Vaughn whispered softly.

"We're so lucky that everything worked out for us." She buried her head in his shoulder, inhaling his scent deeply. "I don't know what I would do if I had to say good-bye to you again. I don't think I could do it."

"Well, you never have to worry about that. I'll never leave you again."

Sydney smiled, "I never want you to. I don't want to be your good-bye girl."

Vaughn leaned down and captured her lips in his. They parted after a sweet kiss, "You're my entire-world, girl."

Oh so sad this is over! I hope all you liked it! I'm so sorry for all of the delays but school work kind of got in the way! Thank you for all of your patience and all of your reviews!


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